A powerful communication comeback or “Commback” to an argumentative person, nit-picking criticizer, artful debater, guilt tripper, or a negatalking “I’m going to push a point down your throat in order to help you!” chronic advice-pusher or “opinionizer” who isn’t doing a very good job of running his or her own life is: “So, what’s your point?” It’s simple, elegant, and VERY effective. Just you try it and see!
YOU DON’T OWE ANYONE AN EXPLANATION FOR YOUR LIFE!
Why is standing up for yourself important? When you feel that you’re being pressured to give an explanation for WHY you’re running your life the way you’re choosing to run IT…you may want to remind yourself, your co-talker and the world that YOU DON’T OWE ANYONE AN EXPLANATION FOR YOUR LIFE. It’s your life, after all, and you will live it just the way you would like to.
COMMBACK: COMING BACK WITH A GOOD COMMUNICATION COMEBACK
All together now when you feel pushed into a talk corner: “So, what’s your point?!” What will you typically hear in response to your effective talk Commback when you ask in an even-toned voice: “SO, what’s your point?!” First, a stunned look…second, silence. And silence in this case is “golden.” Here are some sample interactions to get the hang of this wonder-filled communication tool:
1. It just happens!
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”2. I’m not getting much out of this…(relationship)!
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”
3. Why do you invent stuff to worry about?!
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”4. Why can’t you admit when you’re in the wrong and say you’re sorry?!
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”5. I’m not the one who has the problem…I’m pretty content!
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”6. I’m pretty selfish when it comes to having fun!
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”7. You think I did this on purpose to you?
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”8. I don’t do IT that often!
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”9. It doesn’t come natural to me.
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”10. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me.
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”11. Look, everyone else I know is doing IT!
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”12. It’s not fair!
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”13. I’m not that kind of person!
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”14. Are you calling me a liar? I told you I didn’t do IT!
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”15. IF you didn’t like IT…then why didn’t you speak up at the time?!
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”16. Who’s to say why I really do IT?!
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”17. There’s no use psychoanalyzing this to death!
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”18. You’re driving me up the wall!
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”19. Why can’t you be more like…(your sister/brother, friend, Dr. Phil)
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”20. I’m not MAD!
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”21. You’ve lost your marbles.
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”22. You don’t understand…I’ve been trying REALLY hard!
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”23. Why can’t you ever think about somebody else besides yourself?
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”24. What do you want me to do about IT?
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”25. Nothing’s ever good enough for you…why can’t you ever be satisfied?!
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”26. I can find a roommate, anywhere!
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”27. Why can’t you ever be truthful with me?
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”28. I don’t deserve to be treated like this!
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”29. That’s the way I’ve always done it!
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”30. You can’t change a leopard’s spots!”
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”31. I know I can change things in my life IF I work at them!
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”32. I can’t take this whining and complaining!
Commback: “So, what’s your point?”33. It’s different…I promise this is going to be different from here on out!
Commback: “So, what’s your point?!”34. I’m only trying to help you!”
Commback: “So, what’s your point?!”
WHAT ARE 14 NON-VERBAL ASSERTIVE MESSAGES THAT YOU SEND WITH THIS SINGLE TRANSACTION?
When you look your co-communicator square in the eye while being harrangued and verbally hanged, and say, “So, what’s your point?!” you are sending these powerful non-verbal messages:
- “My full-time job is running my own life!“
- “Your full-time job is running your own life!”
- “You and I can barely run our own individual lives…SO what makes us think we can run the life of another person?!”
- “I didn’t ask you for your advice…so please keep it to yourself and zip those lips!”
- “I don’t like being talked down to AS IF I’m a VICTIM who doesn’t have choices!”
- “I am the sole authority of my life…I don’t need your help to change ME!”
- “I am not your rescuer and savior…you can’t help, helping yourself.”
- “I dislike being talked to like a child!“
- “I am not smart or wise enough to know what decisions you should make to make your life better.”
- “Did I mistakenly send you the message that I am helpless, hopeless, humpless?”
- “I am a powerful positive person with an optimistic attitude.”
- “We need to disrupt this distracting talk cycle that makes us both feel not O.K.”
- “Please do NOT ‘help me’ by teaching me to do the backstroke in an Olympic size pity pool!”
- “Thanks for your help…but I would prefer to DO IT MY WAY!”
SO, IT’S MY LIFE AND I DON’T OWE YOU OR ANYONE AN EXPLANATION
Always tell yourself before you justify to a “psychocritiquer” why you did or didn’t do something they wanted you to say or do…”It’s my life and I don’t owe anyone an explanation…or must I justify my decisions!”
Bigotry is a waste of love. Isn’t IT about time you stop trying to please others who are trying to control you in “nice ways” that ditch your personal power and communication potentials? Hey, who knows, you may get run over by a beer truck today! Do you want to die telling people what they want you to say or hear–or do you want to be a man or woman of high integrity.
You are the decider of your life, and the author of your life plan. Even when you feel bad…it’s not a half-bad idea to be yourself and live your life with passion and communication power.
Dennis runs workshops on Leadership Communication, Change Management, Effective Communication Strategies, and Anger and Conflict Management, and other workshops or keynotes on positive psychological topics designed for your company, team or organization.