What Makes For Good Communication?

When starting at the top and using the in Talk To Me© positive and effective communication system, good communication gathers momentum and bulk as it spreads throughout families and organizations, much like lava flowing downhill. But you already knew that….

WE ALL MUST WALK THE TALK

What talk do you and your tuned-in co-communicators say we all must walk in order for it to qualify as good communication?

  • Keep it upbeat and positive
  • Be clear
  • Don’t leave until both parties understand
  • Be sure to look at the big picture
  • Make time for short meetings
  • Be direct
  • Stay focused
  • Be sincere and honest
  • Be on equal ground, feeling at ease
  • Confidence: Believe in yourself and to whom you are speaking
  • Use emotional self-control

THE MIRACLE OF COMMUNICATION

Think of good communication as the hub of a wagon wheel.  Each small spoke represents these positive and effective communication strategies: Being a positive person, clear and assertive talk, energized and motivated, surfing the stress wave, relaxed and feeling at ease. Big benefits also flow down each spoke of the wheel, benefits such as improved morale, smaller mistakes, higher productivity, fewer problems, building a high-performing team, individual extra effort, attracting A-list players, tossing out bad apples from the bushel basket, feeling focused and energized, even during down times. Pretty nifty results when the rubber gets rollin’ down the road on the two-way communicator highway.

ABOUT TALK DOC, DENNIS E. O’GRADY

Dennis O’Grady, Psy.D., is known as the Talk Doc since the advent of his positive and effective communication system, Talk to Me©. His talk textbook, Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, received the 2008 Axiom Business Book Award Silver Medal.

Peak Communication Performance

Imagine a group of high I.Q. Leaders sitting around the Communicator Table, using the strengths from both sides of Talk Boulevard. Poke a little fun by calling them Talk Docs, or Doctors Of Communication, or DOCS for short. Put them through a bunch of intensive daylong training modules in the Talk2Me© positive and effective communication system…and what do you have? Smart people who don’t live in their isolated caves on Introvert Island, that’s what. Hey, no man (or woman) is a rock or an island, who feels no pain or never cries, Paul Simon!

CLASS 7, MILLION DOLLAR TALK TOOLS LEADERSHIP WISDOM—

Knowledge is power minus action. Thus, “knowing what to do” is different from actually “doing what works.” Thus, you can be a big brain who gets little done. Here are “tiebacks” to the world of real communication, with which smart communicators wisely relate and apply….

1. WHEN TALKING WITH OPPOSITE COMMUNICATOR TYPES, TRY TO EMULATE THEIR POSITIVE TRAITS

2. BE A RISK-TAKER

3. A FEW MINUTES OF MY DISCOMFORT CAN MEAN A LIFETIME OF COMFORT FOR SOMEONE ELSE

4. IN ORDER TO GET OFF MY ISLAND, I NEED TO BE MORE DIRECT…NOT WORRY SO MUCH…AND BE WILLING TO TAKE MORE RISKS

5. LEARN TO SPEAK IN CLEAR TERMS…DON’T EXPECT OR ASSUME THAT OTHERS WILL KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TRYING TO SAY

6. LEARN HOW TO USE THE GOOD TRAITS OF INSTIGATORS AND EMPATHIZERS, INSTEAD OF THE NEGATIVES

7. EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATORS WILL GET OFF THEIR PARADISE ISLAND BEFORE DISASTER OCCURS

E-SIDE OF TALK STREET VS. I-SIDE OF TALK STREET

Each two-sided gold coin of shiny communication wisdom was accounted for around the “real life, we’re all on the fly” Communicator Table one fine DFL day. (Instigator wisdom here are the “odd numbers,” and Empathizer wisdom the “even numbers.”) Do you walk on both sides of Talk Street, using the strengths and talents of your opposite communicator type? I’ll bet you do, or your get up and go would have got up and went!

LEADERSHIP STYLES

What makes a good leader great? Do we burn those sensitive Empathizer communicators at the stake?

Better not, because E-types know the solutions to vexing problems, light the way ahead, have radar that, when not all gunked up, gets us all down the two-way communicator highway, better off instead of blasted apart.

Why are I-types such good leaders? They know a thing or three about confidence, respect, crisis management, taking risks, seizing the opportunity, and motivating team members to pull the wagon harder.

Use the best of both styles to achieve Peak Communication Performance.

ABOUT “TALK DOC” COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the “Talk Doc” and president of the Dayton Area Psychological Association, as well as the developer of the TALK TO ME© positive and effective corporate communication training system. Why invest in a process that will improve your communication skills fast, in both personal and work relationships? When you use the tools and strategies detailed in Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, you’ll find that it’s easy to keep your car in the center of Talk Highway, leaving the ditch to those communicators who shout out “It’s my way or the highway!”

I Know I’m Here…Because I’m Not All There!

Comic relief came from a communications client of mine who said, “I know I’m here…because I’m not all there!” That was as funny as sales trainees suggesting I buy a couch on wheels! As a communications psychologist, I often get a good ribbing. Rejuvenating yourself has to do with facing feelings courageously as you move ahead. Are you inventing the kind of energy you want to bathe your mind in when change comes calling? Or do you live in a mythical past or a magical future?

ARE YOU ALL HERE?

You can only change yourself. You can’t fix others. Put as much energy into your changes as you put into others who aren’t changing. See if you can catch my drift as a user of the Talk2Me system with this repartee between Person A and Person B:

A. HOW ARE YOU?

B. I’M HERE…

A. BETTER THAN BEING THERE, I GUESS…

B. OF COURSE, PEOPLE WHO ARE HERE, REALLY WANT TO BE THERE…

A. AND PEOPLE WHO ARE THERE, WANT TO BE HERE…

B. I KNOW I’M HERE…BECAUSE I’M NOT ALL THERE!

A. I KNOW I’M NOT ALL THERE, TOO, BECAUSE I’M HERE WITH YOU!

ARE YOU A STELLAR COMMUNICATOR?

Why feel alone and disconnected, seeking to find your work in your work? Do not be distracted from being a great communicator when you don’t feel good.

ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the new Talk Doc in town, a corporate consultant, team trainer, and the insightful, original developer and researcher of the Talk to Me© positive and effective communication system. T2Me has been successfully implemented in multi-generational family companies and couples communication training.

Oh, No, Charlie Brown…You’re An E-Type!

Charlie Brown and Lucy mixed it up like oil and water in the comic strip “Peanuts,” penned by legendary laugh artist Charles Schulz. But do you know why? Get the talk accident scene: Charlie Brown once again ready to run and kick the football…skeptically looking at Lucy who is holding the football…memories of past incidents when Lucy pulled away the football at the last minute…and Charlie Brown spinning ‘round and ‘round in the air and falling to the ground on his can. Oh, no, Charlie Brown! Why did you think Lucy would change?

CHARLIE BROWN WAS LUCY’S OPPOSITE COMMUNICATOR TYPE, WHICH MADE HER HARDER TO UNDERSTAND, UNTIL NOW

In this heart warming comic adventure, time and again, at the last minute Lucy would pull away the football. How frustrating! Lovable, sappy, venerable Charlie Brown…. He always thought Lucy might change. Why couldn’t Charlie Brown get it through his lame brain that impish, pot-stirrer Lucy, the bombastic debater she was, was going to get the last laugh and outtalk him every time? If you hear yourself say “Why does this always happen to me?” it might mean you have a Lucy in your life, too.

EMPATHIZER (E-TYPE) TRAITS OR STRENGTHS

You tell me if Charlie Brown fits this list of Empathizer characteristics, independently arrived at in a Talk2Me© group training session:

1. Sensitive to others’ feelings
2. Follows “Don’t hurt and don’t do harm” rule
3. Good at listening
4. Learns best talking with others about problems
5. Word power: Promises should be kept or not made at all
6. Gets on same level with you…doesn’t look down upon others
7. Adaptable, flexible, easy-going, considerate, polite
8. Knows in gut what’s true and what’s not
9. Fear of failure lurks around when goes outside of comfort zone
10. Will work for complete understanding of all sides to an issue
11. Seeks to meet your needs, get your buy in on decisions, in tune
12. “Stabilizers” during conflicts
13. Risk cautious: “It’s better to ask permission than to risk getting into trouble!”

Now, go back down the list quickly with Lucy in mind. How well does this listing of strengths fit her personality? Well, hey, yes, the shoe doesn’t fit.

INSTIGATOR COMMUNICATOR (I-TYPE) TRAITS

Instigator communicators can be hardheaded and thick-skinned. Now, how much does Lucy fit the following list of top gun communication style:

1. Determined to seize the day in a predetermined way
2. Follows “Sometimes you have to hurt people to make progress happen”
3. Good at strategizing
4. Learns best telling others how to solve their problems
5. A black-and-white thinker who doesn’t like washed out grays
6. Prefers to be at higher levels…Futuristic thinkers and planners
7. Hurry up: Why not put old grudges behind us and move on?
8. Trusts head to think clearly over heart emotions, behaves assertively, pushes forward
9. Fears loss, losing or looking foolish when goes outside of comfort zone
10. Doesn’t beat around the bush. “Why can’t people be more blunt and direct like me?”
11. Seeks to give opportunities, but you must use own free will
12. “Promoters” of one side of an issue during conflicts
13. Change makers: “It’s better to ask forgiveness than to ask permission!”

Now, go quickly read back down this list again with Charlie Brown in mind. How well do the adjectives fit his personality? And what about that flying ace beagle, Snoopy? Is he an I-type, too?

DO LUCY INSTIGATORS LOVE TO MESS WITH THE CHARLIE BROWN EMPATHIZERS OF THE WORLD?

Do Instigators (Lucy) love to mess with your mind (Charlie Brown) to get a rise out of you? Well, of course Instigators like to stir the pot, ahem, pull out the football. However, why was Empathizer Charlie so naïve and perpetually trusting, giving people a chance to change when they didn’t appear, by their actions, to want to? Sometimes you don’t see all the flaws in those you love, especially family members or people who are close to you. Well, without the Lucys of the world we might not learn anything about freeing ourselves from the narrow boxes called “comfort zone coffins” that we choose to live and die in.

BRING HOME THE BACON: More of living in the 1500’s….Sometimes a bit of port was obtained for a special occasion. When visitors would come over, the bacon was hung up so the visitors could see that the man of the house was a good provider, or bring home the bacon. The hostess would cut off just a bit of the pork to share with the guests, and then everyone would sit around and chew the fat. Those people of the 1500’s who had money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach into the food, causing death by lead poisoning. This happened most often when tomatoes were served, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered to be poisonous. Bread was divided according to status – workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family members got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST, DENNIS E. O’GRADY

Dennis O’Grady, Psy.D., is known as the Talk Doc since the advent of his positive and effective communication system, Talk2Me©. Dennis is a corporate consultant and team trainer, while maintaining a private practice which focuses on improving communication. His Talk2Me© training programs for Dayton Freight Lines (Regional LTL Transportation Services); Morris South (CNC Machine Tool Distribution); Parts Express (Electronics E-Retailer); and Motoman (World Leader in Robotic Solutions). Dennis is president of the Dayton Psychological Association and is a clinical professor at the Wright State University School of Professional Psychology. His talk textbook, Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, received the 2008 Axiom Business Book Award Silver Medal. Not much time to read? Check out www.drogrady.com for hundreds of blogs dedicated to Dennis’s communication approach. You can contact the Talk Doc at 937.428.0724, or email him from the website.

Surplus Communication

As a couple, do you have a surplus or a deficit of good communication? Are you adding or subtracting from your relationship bank account? The choice is yours, whether you are rich or poor. You and your partner are either doing or saying things that drive you and your partner apart or bring you together. Which will it be today?

HOW DO YOU TREAT YOUR SPOUSE? HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE TREATED?

Focusing mostly on what’s wrong and how your partner should change is the same as staring in your rear view mirror while barreling down the highway at 75 mph. Who’s in the driver’s seat of your marriage?

1. Open up lines of communication. Discuss openly — “What are we willing to do to get where we need to be?!”

2. Avoid Blame Games. Example: “You’re the one who is negative and won’t change!”

3. Be nice. Give up nasty looks, rolling your eyes, or giving the evil eye when you’re dissatisfied.

4. Be in the driver’s seat. Feel like you alone are running your marriage, for better or worse. How good a job are you doing?

5. Show a little empathy. “You act like it’s my fault!” indicates that empathy or basic courtesy is lacking.

6. Be a credit-giver. Empathizers particularly need positive strokes and compliments on a routine basis.

7. Make your partner feel like the good guy or gal. Example: “I told you so…what a great person you are to know!”

CATCH YOUR PARTNER IN THE ACT OF DOING SOMETHING GOOD…AND NEVER LET HIM OR HER FORGET IT!

You can create positive change in your relationship by using good communication skills. Combative chaos and avoiding each other are the enemies of love.

ARE YOU BROKEN AS A COUPLE?

Do you take turns equally driving your couple communicator car? Are you broken as a couple? Although you can’t control everything, and you can’t always get what you want, you can co-create getting what you each need from your partners in the business of Love, Inc.

ABOUT COUPLE COMMUNICATIONS COUNSELOR DENNIS O’GRADY

Dennis O’Grady, Psy.D., is a couples communication coach with 30+ years experience developing effective communication skills that work. Dr. O’Grady’s couple communication textbook is Talk To Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone. Dennis can be reached by calling New Insights Communication at (937) 428-0724.