How Do You Give Constructive Criticism In A Calm And Loving Way?

How do you give constructive criticism in a calm and loving way? Is that even possible when you come home in a bad mood? Yes, it is, when you use the Talk2Me© Communication Roadmap. You want to keep the green light of good communication glowing in your home.

HOW DO YOU START GIVING CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM IN A CALM AND LOVING WAY?

How do you start using criticism constructively? By stopping old talk habits that make your communicator wheels stay stuck spinning ’round and ’round in a rut and CHANGE…

1. Stop criticizing and nit-picking.

2. Start complimenting your talk partners, on a daily basis.

3. Stop using an aggressive tone of voice when you communicate.

4. Speak more calmly. (Don’t make others feel under attack.)

5. Stop fretting or worrying over the small things.

6. Let the little things go. (Understand when getting upset is necessary.)

7. Don’t take out or direct your frustrations at your loved ones.  (Your mood dictates your reputation of trustworthiness.)

THE COUPLE REPORT

Many couples and most people don’t like to bark orders at each other. After all, this isn’t a dog-eat-dog world. Said one inventive couple, who wanted to change the stormy climate to calm:

We’re cured. We want to be talked to in a calm manner like equal adults. These Talk2Me© rules are common sense, and when they are used, level-headed and positive communication is created. Don’t ever speak to other people like they’re little children or robots.

ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS O’GRADY, Psy.D.

Dennis delivers Talk2Me© Leadership Communication workshops which provide a Communication Toolbox full of positive communication tools, to set people up for success. Dr. O’Grady can be reached at (937) 428-0724 or at www.drogrady.com.

Prepare Future Leaders

Roadblocks and detours which evoke losses are caused by the stereotypes about our opposite communicator type that we harbor. In fact, we often throw the mood ball or tomato or hot potato across the room to our opposing type. What to do to prepare future leaders for building bridges of trust and respect that solve problems and seize opportunities?

LEADERS MUST KNOW THAT GOOD COMMUNICATION DOESN’T LEAVE ANYONE OUT

Improved communication skills will lead reliably to increased enthusiasm, steady performance, and profits. Could it be that simple? Yep. Leaders must walk the talk, and they must practice what they preach.

• Notice there are two communicator types
• Take each half and make a whole communicator
• Utilize the strengths of both types
• Adopt the strengths of your partner’s communicator type
• Plan to package your message by communicator type

But how to know which is your “half-a-brain” communicator type of Empathizer vs. Instigator communicator? Many of the following characteristics may be extremes but are still worth listing.

DINGS AND FINGER-WAGGING TO THE INSTIGATORS

Common negative perceptions of Instigator leaders (I-types), by their Empathizer (E-type) followers…

• Not people people
• Can be bossy
• Tends to make preventable mistakes
• Are not prudent
• Control freaks
• Know-it-alls
• Employees are more likely to shut down on I-types
• A willingness to embarrass others in the presence of others (public ridicule)
• Insensitive (to feelings)
• Abrupt
• Inflexible
• Don’t take everyone’s feelings into consideration
• Close-minded
• Forceful, direct
• Intimidating
• Unapproachable
• Short attention span; No undivided attention

Empathizers are bugged by the accusation that they are too soft and too needy for social approval.

DINGS AND ZINGERS TO THE EMPATHIZERS

We need to activate the inner strengths of our opposite types to avoid disasters. Think of the Titanic, the ship that could never sink, but did.

Perceptions of I-types warning of E-dangers…

• Soft – too emotional
• Need hugs
• Don’t get to the point – wishy-washy
• Easily influenced (devalues own leadership skills)
• Make better followers
• Are pushovers (I-types trust more someone who can think for themselves)
• Thin-skinned
• Need to show more competitive firepower
• Try to please everyone: they want to be liked/they seek approval
• So afraid to take a chance, they miss opportunities
• Conscientious to relationships; people take advantage of them
• Don’t get off the fence; are constantly waiting for approval and applause
• Overly dramatic/emotional/roller coaster moods
• Too sensitive
• Tend to be pessimistic
• Lower confidence in the outcome of things
• Long winded (full of hot air)
• Irrational/illogical (I-types devalue excessive information and find it frustrating)
• Tend to be complainers and pushovers

Instigators are miffed by the accusation of being too cold-hearted and too close-minded to corrective feedback.

KEEP ON TRUCKIN’ DOWN THE TWO-WAY COMMUNICATOR HIGHWAY

Are you dedicated to service and good communication instead of communication breakdowns? Keep on truckin’ down that two-way communicator highway!

ABOUT “TALK DOC” COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is known as the “Talk Doc” around town. He is president of the Dayton Area Psychological Association, as well as the developer of the TALK TO ME© positive and effective communication training system. Why invest in a process that will improve your communication skills fast, in both personal and work relationships? When you use the tools and strategies detailed in Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, you’ll find that it’s easy to keep your car in the center of Talk Highway, leaving the ditch to those communicators who shout out, “It’s my way or the highway!”

Pillars Of Effective Communication

What are the pillars of effective communication? Trust and respect are harvested when use a positive talk attitude. Trainees in a recent Talk2Me© class were asked: “What one tool will you use from your toolset to set yourself up for success when you return home? What tool will you keep sharpened?!” Here are the answers of these respected and trusted leaders…

Do more passing along logical facts to develop trust.

“Just do your job!” approach when others are acting like a rogue.

It’s going to be hard but I’m going to do the “less talk is better” approach with Instigators.

Keep others better informed across all shifts and crews through use of handouts.

Take time instead of take off running and utilize the clerks more. Push down some of my responsibilities so I can breathe.

Tell Instigators what they did wrong bluntly. Explain to Empathizers about consequences. Instead of letting everybody put their two cents in.

Let others know when they do a good job vs. go with the approach that no news is good news.

Seem like I do care by showing the emotional side of it and recognize achievements.

Listening to others concerns and taking time to hear the whole story.

Take the time with the Empathizers to talk with them and reassure them.

Take time to talk with others and re-empathize that they’re not just a number in the company. Ask how their weekend was.

Stop doing what I’m focused on doing and take time to actually listen to what they’re saying.

I will listen to the concerns of others from an Empathizers standpoint. It means a lot to them to take a lot of time.

WHAT TYPE OF COMMUNICATOR ARE YOU?

To be an effective communicator in life requires honesty, and open, two-way communication that promotes personal growth and success.

WILL THE TALK TO ME© SYSTEM WORK FOR YOU?

In the words of one top executive of a major regional company which is based in Dayton, “…If we can’t communicate with each other, therein lies many of our problems. It’s all about the customer. Talk To Me© is a communication system that will give you the tools and strategies to communicate better with your peers, your subordinates, your customers, your families. You learn how to listen and how to talk more effectively. Talk To Me© is great, but you can’t really explain it….It just works! As you put the communication tools and strategies that you learn to good use, you set up the work climate for clear communication, thus setting yourself up for success.”

Thrown Under The Bus?

Do you feel as though you’ve been thrown under the bus? You can bounce back like a rubber tire by using the Talk2Me© leadership communication system. Yeah, Empathizers, or E-types, are only human, and it hurts when you or I get our toes stepped on. But, my dear Instigator, or I-Leader, why can’t you talk to me in the talk style that I prefer, so that I will go the extra mile and smile for you when the chips are down, instead of telling you to go and pound sand? So how does a positive Instigator leader turn on the light of a positive Empathizer follower, you wonder? Simple, but not easy….

HOW A POSITIVE INSTIGATOR-LEADER CAN TURN ON THE LIGHT OF A POSITIVE EMPATHIZER-FOLLOWER

The Instigator communication leader should:

1. Take time to warm up the communicator car engine

2. Not speed off, screeching your tires, if you don’t instantly get your way

3. Groom the texture and tone of the conversation…everyone sits in the front seat

4. Not approach boldly and interrupt gruffly or callously in a demanding tone of voice…don’t give directions unless asked

5. Use ask talk instead of tough talk to get things done quicker…don’t be a backseat driver

6. Make it sound like hardly anything you touch is an emergency…the journey is more important than the destination

7. Not be a dictator but engage in dialogue…enjoy talking as you ride…relax and enjoy the trip of a lifetime

8. Just take a talk minute and discover the personal life of your talk partner…nourish connecting instead of disconnecting

9. Show generous, rather than stingy, signs of regular verbal appreciation…you don’t have to like the long drive to enjoy the ride

AFFIXING BLAME DOESN’T FIX PROBLEMS…OR WHY YOU SHOULDN’T DRIVE IN FRONT OF YOUR HEADLIGHTS ON A DARK NIGHT

If you don’t know Communicator Type Talk Technology, chances are you will witness someone being thrown under the bus as a human sacrifice. Conversely, when you’re no longer ignorant of the Empathizer vs. Instigator motivational preferences, you will have everyone pulling in the same direction and not throwing anyone under the bus as a scapegoat. Why allow your E-followers to lose 50% of their production and motivational energy due to the fear factor? Life’s much more filled with learning new things and fun than that!

ARE YOU PERSON-DRIVEN OR PERFORMANCE-DRIVEN?

Why not take time to talk? Instigators loathe wasting time. I-types are performance-driven and are constantly judging the self against the list of goals and objectives accomplished in the least amount of time. Thus, to I-types at work, it’s nothing personal…it’s only performance-driven. Make it more person-driven, my beloved I-types, and you will find your scores shoot up at least a grade on satisfaction surveys at home and work. Just you try it and see for yourself!

ABOUT “TALK DOC” COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. O’Grady is the “Talk Doc” and president of the Dayton Area Psychological Association, as well as the developer of the TALK TO ME© positive and effective corporate and personal communication training system. Why invest in a process that will improve your communication skills fast, in both personal and work relationships? When you use the tools and strategies detailed in Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, you’ll find that it’s easy to keep your car in the center of Talk Highway, leaving the ditch to those communicators who shout out, “It’s my way or the highway!”

A Bad Mood Dooms…

What does a bad mood doom? (Mood spelled backwards is doom.) What are the hidden costs of a bad mood? And why should you even care about moodiness? This is why: 10% of workers in our workforce have a bad mood day, almost every day. Just as the aftereffects of a hurricane can continue to cause increasing obstacles after the winds have subsided and the waters have receded, a bad mood escalates problems while reducing profits in dozens of drastic ways which can result even after the bad mood has abated.

A BAD MOOD BRINGS CRASHING TO THE GROUND…

One Talk Group Exercise I use in Talk2Me© leadership development classes is called “I’m Having a Bad Day!” which gets at the severe loss of productivity – a reality of 40% loss of productivity – for everyone. (One bad apple or rotten orange does spoil the whole basket, as you know.)

Lucky Class #13 communicators, who are lighting the way ahead, brainstormed these costs of a bummer mood…

• Profits go down
• Trust and respect are lost
• Communication stinks and sinks the ship of your dreams
• Morale gets busted and teamwork plummets
• Your company winds up needing a tow truck to get out of a ditch
• Attitude crashes to the ground
• Enthusiasm is lost
• Professional image is smudged with the red paint of anger
• Others’ moods come crashing down to the ground
• Opportunities fly right out the window
• Customers don’t come back
• Safety is compromised
• Productivity is depressed
• Customer satisfaction scores flunk you
• Reputation is compromised
• Personal values are sold for quick gold
• Decision-making ability is shredded
• You are driving under the influence of a negative attitude
• “Off your toes” or “Your game falls off”
• Relationships end
• No focus on the target means missed goals
• Quality is pricked
• Opportunity avoids you
• Compassionate people are alienated

DO YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO TELL ANOTHER PERSON THAT THEIR BAD MOOD IS BAD?

Mood dictates reputation. People often don’t have the courage to tell you that you’re a Bad News Bear. Who wants to have a bad mood dumped on them like a truckload of manure or rotten tomatoes? Do you like to get positive results? Then get control of your mood, man! Are you getting the results you want in your relationship life? Or is your reputation that of a Bad News Bear, wearing a prickly, cold, and wet wool coat and an anchor of guilt around your neck, who always drowns positive people around you, in an Olympic-size pool of your pity?

IF THE BOSS DOESN’T CONFRONT A BAD MOOD, THEN WHO SHOULD?

If the boss doesn’t confront a worker who has a bad attitude, day in and day out, then who should? Worse yet, if the boss has a bad mood day every day, then what message does that send to your internal and external customers? Essentially it says: “I’m not interested in profiting from my partnership with you. Go away and stay away, while I complain about my bad luck and why I know you’re all-ways the one at fault for my lack of happiness!”

ARE YOU IN THE HORSE AND BUGGY ERA OF CUSTOMER AND LEADERSHIP COMMUNICATION?

Are you in the horse and buggy era of communication, with an oil lamp on front of your buggy to light the way? Or are you in the automotive era with your high performance headlamps burning bright? The Talk2Me© system lights the way ahead, turning on the floodlights as the dark of night approaches.

Morale of this Talk Story: Good communication not only eclipses a bad mood, it also lights the way to profits, while bad communication puts a bad mood in the limelight and darkens your day with losses.

ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS O’GRADY, Psy.D.

Dennis delivers TALK2ME © Effective Communication executive, management and supervisory workshops which provide a Communication Toolbox full of positive communication tools to set people up for success. TALK2ME: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, received the 2008 Axiom Business Book Award Silver Medal.  New Insights Communication: (937) 428-0724.