Empathizer and Instigator: Distinct Differences

Are you improving your communication skills a little each day? Only if you know your communicator type. Read down the list below to find out which type of communicator you are! For example, Empathizer communicators agree to pick up negative feelings too easily, and Instigator communicators agree to pass along negative feelings too easily, both without realizing it:

An Empathizer is naturally more sensitive and tuned in to the feelings of others.
Listening with three ears is typical of Empathizer behavior.

An Instigator is naturally less sensitive and tuned in to the thoughts of others.
Listening with half an ear, or maybe half an ear on each side of the head, is common among Instigators.

An Empathizer is at his or her best when relationship waters are calm.
Stroking loving bonds and feeling loving and valuing, are feelings with which Empathizers feel comfortable.

An Instigator is at her or his best when a crisis is burning or brewing.
Keeping a calm head during a blazing crisis is what Instigators do best.

An Empathizer feels sad because he/she fears Instigator anger.
Feeling lonely brings down the mood of an E-type.

An Instigator feels mad because he/she fears Empathizer sadness.
Feeling bored brings down the mood of an I-type.

An Empathizer deals with anxiety by talking about negative issues with a friend.
An Empathizer follows gut feelings and leads with emotions.

An Instigator deals with anxiety by doing something positive with a friend.
An Instigator follows logic and takes the lead away from emotions.

An Empathizer may stuff hurt feelings inside when he/she doesn’t get what he/she wants.
An Empathizer, when hurt, can avoid or pull back from relationships.

An Instigator pushes without guilt to get what he/she wants.
An Instigator, when smarting, can be too aggressive about relationships.

An Empathizer prefers to speak by using emotions
An Empathizer changes more when using the language of beliefs.

An Instigator prefers to speak by using beliefs.
An Instigator changes more when using the language of emotions.

An Empathizer correctly believes the world is one in which humans help each other.
An Empathizer works hard to reduce losses.

An Instigator correctly believes the world is a dog-eat-dog kind of place.
An Instigator works hard at winning.

An Empathizer wants to resolve past issues now, in the present moment.
They prefer relationship problem-solving to improve togetherness.

An Instigator wants to move beyond what’s happened in the past.
Fixing things and making strategic future change – plans are what Instigators prefer.

An Empathizer forgets to put on his/her stage makeup.
Sincerity, being loyal, and real confidence are everything to an Empathizer.

An Instigator puts on a positive face.
Genuineness, being powerful, and projecting confidence are everything to an Instigator.

As Empathizer and Instigator communicators learn to better understand their weaknesses and proactively utilize their respective strengths, then every communicator, couple, and family will feel more at ease.

Dennis O’Grady, PsyD provides effective communication workshops, couple communication training and family business communication seminars using his innovative and effective TALK2ME system.. Dennis can be reached at 937-428-0724.

Nice People

Do you speak up when things aren’t going right? Empathizer communicators are perceived as being nice people who are pushovers. That’s true, and prejudicial, because…

JUST BECAUSE I’M QUIET…doesn’t mean I’m weak

JUST BECAUSE I’M SILENT…doesn’t mean I’m in agreement with you

JUST BECAUSE I’M RESERVED…doesn’t mean I have nothing to say

JUST BECAUSE I STUMBLE OVER MY WORDS…doesn’t mean I’m not right

JUST BECAUSE I DON’T LOOK CONFIDENT…doesn’t mean I’m not competent

JUST BECAUSE I LOOK AWAY…doesn’t mean I’m intimidated by you

JUST BECAUSE I’M SAD…doesn’t mean I’m not contented

JUST BECAUSE I’M CAUTIOUS…doesn’t mean I avoid taking risks

JUST BECAUSE I’M SMILING…doesn’t mean I’m happy

JUST BECAUSE I’M TALKING…doesn’t mean I’m saying what I want

JUST BECAUSE I’M NICE…doesn’t mean I don’t feel resentful

JUST BECAUSE I’M A PUSHOVER…doesn’t mean I won’t or can’t push back

You have the power to use words to steer a new course of direction that will relieve resentment. Blend the strengths of both Empathizer and Instigator communicators today, and you’ll notice positive changes almost immediately.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a family business communication consultant and couple psychologist from Dayton, Ohio. Call about Talk2Me© training at 937-428-0724.