We are all addicted to something, whether we own or disown that truth. Addictions include any compulsive behavior such as drinking/drugging, sexing/gambling, gossiping, judging/shaming, womanizing/manizing, over/under-working, internet pornography, being late/keeping perfect time, eating disorders, complaining or falsely praising, just to name a few. But did you know that your communicator type may affect your attitude toward addiction and thereby your actions?
Here’s how your communicator type and your “addiction attitude” interact:
- Empathizer-type (E-types) communicators are “dwellers” who aren’t “in denial” about their addictions and compulsions. E-types use compulsive behaviors as emotional control devices. Thus, E-types “don’t feel” much about their addictions but know exactly what they’re doing.
- Instigator-type communicators (I-types) are “dispellers” who are “in denial” about their addictions and compulsions. I-types use compulsive behaviors as intellectual control devices. Thus, I-types “don’t think” much about their addictions and don’t fully realize what’s happening.
What key differences of interpersonal and inner-personal attitudes exist between the two communicator types, the EMPATHIZERS and the INSTIGATORS?
E-type (Empathizer) communicators are:
- Sensitive
- Empathetic
- Feel deeply
- Are relationship experts
In contrast, I-type (Instigator) communicators are:
- Insensitive
- Genuine
- Think deeply
- Are problem-solving experts
Neither communicator type is better or worse. Each has preferences about how/why/which way the world should spin around.
Putting compulsive behaviors in charge of checking or controlling “difficult emotions” or “troublesome thoughts” isn’t useful and can be dangerous to your health. And if you have a lot of intellectual horsepower under your hood…whoa! you’re really going to go for a mood ride that you will likely regret due to an addiction.
In sum, all addictions in my clinical opinion, are compulsive behaviors (words, actions, deeds, feelings) that are influenced by m/y/our communicator type. Plus, these compulsive behaviors, when living in the “anxiety family,” are “used by the user” to avoid feeling-thoughts that are begging (requiring) us to change.
Dr. O’Grady is the founder of New Insights Communication, a coaching and counseling practice located in Dayton, Ohio. He holds a B.A. degree from Michigan State University, an M.A. degree in Behavioral Counseling from Michigan State University, and the Doctorate of Psychology degree from Wright State University. His communication handbook, TALK TO ME, answers the question “Why can’t we all just get along?”