Why Can’t We All Just Get Along On Father’s Day?

On Father’s Day, sometimes the best that families can hope for is that everyone will get along just fine for an entire 24-hour period… no harsh words, no bickering, no nitpicking.

But what if Dad is the one whose communication skills — or lack thereof — put everyone else on edge? Fathers who recognize their shortcomings as good communicators sometimes just need a little advice and practical tips for honing their skills as sensitive guys who are approachable and able to carry on a meaningful conversation with anyone in the family.

When done right, effective communication strategies mean that everyone in a family can travel on a “two-way communication highway” instead of a one-way talk track, according to Dr. Dennis O’Grady, blogging psychologist at www.drogrady.com and author of the newly released book “Talk to Me.” Dr. O’Grady’s talk tips for Dad’s and daughters and sons and other loved ones to communicate more positively on Father’s Day and every day of the year:

1. Focus on one talk target. Before you talk, tell yourself what the single goal is in order to keep the conversation simple and focused. Example: “I want to listen better and speak in a positive tone of voice.”

2. Ask for talk time. A good communicator asks loads of “directive questions.” Example: “Is this a bad (O.K.) time to talk?”

3. Read the talk headline. Don’t suffer from “relationship attention deficit disorder.” Example: “I would like to talk to you about _____ (the kid’s grades). Would you be up for it?”

4. Take off change pressure. “This problem doesn’t need to be fixed right now BUT I do want to brainstorm options to better understand what’s going on here.”

5. Parrot back. “I am hearing you say _____. Is that correct?” Or, “What are you hearing ME say?”

6. Plug in. Don’t beat around the bush. “If I honestly tell you how I think or feel, you will tell me to ‘Shut up?!'”

7. A win for all. Open communication is not a one-way, dead-end street. “Endless debating won’t help either one of us.”

8. Don’t throw sticks or stones. Being a communication bully gets you nowhere. “I need to walk away and cool off. Is that O.K. with you?”

9. Keep your head on. Keep your “heart and head” in check to be responsive instead of reactive. “My mind is racing so I need to slow down and think for a minute.” Or, “I’m feeling like we’re getting off track.”

10. Say, “Erase that.” If you say something stupid, you can take back what you just said by saying, “Erase that! I want to take back what I just said.”

The point of positive talking is to brainstorm new ways to solve old problems. The payoff of effective talking is personal growth that makes room in couple, family and work relationships for the fresh air and sunshine of new insights.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the developer of the “directive questioning approach” that opens up lines of communication when they’ve been shut down in a relationship for too long. Dennis is the author of TALK TO ME which is a communication skills handbook that you will hold close because of the results you will see and love.