“Mr. Mom” Jim Debrosse, in the Dayton Daily News, sensitively and humorously discusses if there can be sex and/or love after divorce for the single mom or dad…and what to say to children and teens about s-e-x. It’s a hot topic with few easy answers!
WHY SINGLE PARENTS LEAD SECRET LOVE LIVES
Single parents from time to time have asked me, “Mr. Mom, is there s-e-x after d-i-v-o-r-c-e?”
To which I unequivocally reply, “How the heck would I know?”
But seriously, there are no simple answers when it comes to sex and the single parent, unless you’re willing, as some are, to check your libido into a convent or monastery until the day your youngest child leaves the nest, usually when he or she is 25 and you’re too old to be much interested in sex anyway.
Custodial parents face a series of obstacles in rediscovering their love life that, if applied to Marine boot camp, would lead to mass desertions.
Single parents, especially of young children, aren’t likely to have the time, money or energy for dating. A lover? What they really need is a maid or a nanny, or better yet, somebody who combines both with a diploma from the Four Seasons cooking school.
Secondly, how can a single parent get serious with someone of interest without setting what many people would consider a bad example for their children?
Remarriage, of course, is the right thing to do, but that’s easier said than done when children enter the equation. Step-parenting requires a national draft, because few people in their right mind will volunteer for so thankless a duty. And when both parents bring children to the marriage and try to blend their households, they would have better luck putting red ants and black ants into an empty soda can and hope they’ll learn to respect each other.
The less righteous path, and perhaps the one most often taken by single parents in love, is sneaking. The Every Other Weekend Synchronizers drop off their kids at their ex’s and nearly crash their cars in their hurry to rendezvous. The Midnight Gamblers wait until the kids are asleep and pray none will need a drink of water or help on the potty before sunrise.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady, A Dayton area family psychologist and author of Talk to Me, a book on effective communication, suggests that single parents keep their romantic and family worlds separate for as long as possible in cases where remarriage isn’t possible or desirable.
But in the end, don’t hide the truth, especially from teenagers, he said. “Tell them sex is wonderful in a close relationship where people love and care for each others.”
Just the same, it might be easier to check into that monastery.
Jim Debrosse sensitively writes weekly about single parent issues in his “Mr. Mom” column in the Dayton Daily News. In this column, Jim compassionately understands that finding companionship as a single parent can be a sticky wicket. Mr. Debrosse can be reached by calling (937) 225-2437 or on the Web at jdebrosse@DaytonDailyNews.com.