Criticizing yourself predictably leads to low self-esteem and doesn’t promote or motivate needed changes…especially when you’re a sensitive personality and a caring person. Empathizer-type communicators are prone to resisting change by criticizing themselves, while Instigator-type communicators are prone to criticizing others to resist changing the self. Either way, needed changes don’t happen and communication gets all fouled up and pops off like a car backfiring.
CRITICIZING YOURSELF MULTIPLIES THE NEGATIVE AND NEUTRALIZES THE POSITIVE
Do you think being hard on yourself and talking harshly to yourself motivates you to change like being yelled at in communication boot camp? Not so..surprise, surprise, Gomer Pyle. Criticizing yourself or taking on others’ criticisms tears down your self-esteem AND actually promotes the negative behavior the criticism is supposedly discouraging.
If you want to give yourself a tough time…criticize yourself because you will predictably get more criticisms, lowly feelings and less confidence. No miracle there.
PSYCHOCRITIQUING IS BRAINWASHING
Get ready for news that will blow your mind. ALL criticisms, or “psychocritiques” actually TELL you to continue doing what you despise and to fail to do something new that would make you feel a ton better. Get it? Perverse, reverse psychology at its worst. Propaganda says one thing on the surface, and compels your mind to follow the negative implied command. Get a kick from yourself, or get kicked by someone else…they all backfire to improve yourself.
PERVERSE, REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY…WHY ‘DON’T DO’ MEANS ‘DO DO’
Wired examples of perverse, reverse psychology that create re-cycled psychodramas, the kind that make you blind to your ever-present ability to turn in a new chosen direction at the crossroads of change:
1. You don’t need to be so worried….TELLS AND COMPELS YOUR MIND TO BE WORRIED.
2. You shouldn’t get this upset…TELLS AND COMPELS YOUR MIND TO BE UPSET.
3. What good will complaining do…TELLS AND COMPELS YOUR MIND TO COMPLAIN MORE AND CHANGE LESS.
4. Why do you always have to be so negative, anyway…TELLS AND COMPELS YOUR MIND TO BE NEGATIVE.
5. What I would do IF I were you…TELLS AND COMPELS YOUR MIND TO DO THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT’S BEING SUGGESTED.
6. Now I’m NOT saying that you’re at fault here BUT…TELLS AND COMPELS YOUR MIND TO BE AT FAULT FOR THE PROBLEM AND FIX IT.
7. You don’t have to try so hard to be perfect, ya’ know….TELLS AND COMPELS YOUR MIND TO STRIVE TO BE PERFECT AT ALL COSTS, INCLUDING THE COST OF DOING IT “GOOD ENOUGH.”
8. Now I don’t want you to take this personally but I’ve got to be honest with you here…TELLS AND COMPELS YOUR MIND TO TAKE NEGATIVE FEEDBACK TOO PERSONALLY.
9. We’ve got to talk…TELLS AND COMPELS YOUR MIND TO CLOSE DOWN BECAUSE TALKING MEANS GETTING A TALKING (LECTURE) TO.
10. You’ve got to understand how that makes me feel…TELLS AND COMPELS YOUR MIND TO BE UNSYMPATHETIC, CLOSED AND COLDLY LOGICAL.
YOUR MIND IS TOO PRECIOUS TO MISPLACE IN THE PSYCHOSPHERE
In short, obsessively criticizing yourself or permitting someone else to compulsively criticize you does no mind a favor. And your mind is too precious to misplace in the negative PSYCHOSPHERE!
ABOUT KEYNOTE SPEAKER, SEMINAR LEADER, RELATIONSHIP COUNSELOR AND COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DR. DENNIS O’GRADY
Dr. Dennis O’Grady has a new personal growth and psychology book aimed at better communicating, Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone, available on his Web site or at Amazon for $39.95. O’Grady’s new communication system will show you how knowing your communicator type, and knowing the type of who you are trying to communicate with, will improve your chances that communication will be productive and positive for all parties.