There are 30 guilt trips you don’t have to go on even when you’re told to. Why allow anyone to practice psychology on you, or your self-image, without a valid license? IT’s amazin’ how many pokes, prods, slams, jams, stabs, zings, sticks and stones, arrows, slaps and put-downs, projections, rejections and slights, self-esteem zappers and other energy-draining tunes that can be sung until you have a splitting headache. Yup, so I’m going to tell you straight and plain how to TALK SENSE to yourself accurately when a “guilt hurler” is trying to drag you down and make you frown.
GUILT TRIPPERS ARE ILLEGALLY PRACTICING PSYCHOLOGY WITHOUT A LICENSE
“NegaTalkers” or “Psychocritiquers” are guilt trippers who make you feel judged as “not good enough” just as you are. So, well…I’ll skinny down to 30 picky and prickly critiques of “psychocritiquers” who are illegally practicing psychology without a license.
A powerfully positive comeback that you can use inside your head when guilt trippers are spreading it on thick is:
“If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOES NOT FIT ME.”
30 POSITIVELY ACCURATE SELF-TALK COMEBACKS TO THE 30 GUILT TRIPS YOU DON’T WANT TO GO ON
Here’s how to TALK SENSE TO YOURSELF (first talk to yourself instead of defensively reacting or counter-attacking) when a GUILT BOMBER is invading your emotional mind with a draining energy. It’s like playing the “Simon says…game…only you refuse to play along.
1. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU always have to be SO difficult?
A Thorough Self-Examination: Honestly, WHY DO I always have to be SO difficult? Am I being TOO difficult now? No, after taking a closer look at myself, I don’t think this shoe fits me. Whoa, I’ve got to go easy here…because I’m SO prone to picking up bad feelings (projected criticisms, guilt) that don’t belong to me. Alright, I know where I stand now and what my true answer is.
Positively Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
2. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DON’T YOU change without my having to nag you?
A Thorough Self-Examination: Honestly, WHY DON’T I change my ways without needing to be nagged? Am I encouraging nagging by my procrastination? No, after taking a closer look at myself, I don’t think this shoe fits me. Whoa, I’ve got to go easy here…because I’m SO prone to picking up bad feelings (projected criticisms, guilt) that don’t belong to me. Alright, I know where I stand now and what my true answer is.
Positively Accurate SELF-TALK: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
3. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU sound off like the world’s worst communicator?
A Thorough Self-Examination: WHY DO I sound off like the world’s worst communicator? Am I encouraging criticism by being negative and complaining all the time? No, after taking a closer look at myself…I don’t think this shoe fits me. Whoa, I’ve got to go easy here…because I’m SO prone to picking up bad feelings (projected criticisms, guilt) that don’t belong to me. Alright, I know where I stand now and what my true answer is.
Positively Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
4. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU have to always be so negative?
A Thorough Self-Examination: WHY DO I have to always be so negative? Am I a negative person who croons a negative tune? Am I seeing the glass as half-empty, and not looking through my mistakes to the miracles? No, after taking a closer look at myself…I don’t think this shoe fits me. Whoa, I’ve got to go easy here…because I’m SO prone to picking up bad feelings (projected criticisms, guilt) that don’t belong to me. Alright, I know where I stand now and what my true answer is.
Positively Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
5. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU take pride in acting so stupidly?
A Thorough Self-Examination: WHY DO I take pride in acting so stupidly? Am I acting dense or dumb when I really know what’s going on? No, after taking a closer look at myself…I don’t think this shoe fits me. Whoa, I’ve got to go easy here…because I’m SO prone to picking up bad feelings (projected criticisms, guilt) that don’t belong to me. Alright, I know where I stand now and what my true answer.
Positively Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
6. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU blow so much money and act so irresponsibly?
A Thorough Self-Examination: WHY DO I blow so much money and act so irresponsibly? Am I spending money compulsively to make myself feel good…to put salve on my wounds? No, after taking a closer look at myself…I don’t think this shoe fits me. Whoa, I’ve got to go easy here…because I’m SO prone to picking up bad feelings (projected criticisms, guilt) that don’t belong to me. Alright, I know where I stand now and what my true answer is.
Positively Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
7. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why ARE YOU so frigid and sexually uptight?
A Thorough Self-Examination: Why AM I so frigid and sexually uptight? Am I avoiding the sexual encounter because I’m a control freak? No, after taking a closer look at myself…I don’t think this shoe fits me. Whoa, I’ve got to go easy here…because I’m SO prone to picking up bad feelings (projected criticisms, guilt) that don’t belong to me. Alright, I know where I stand now and what my true answer is.
Positively Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
8. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU have to be so selfish and self-centered?
A Thorough Self-Examination: WHY DO I have to be so selfish and self-centered? Am I living in the cave of my belly button? No, after taking a closer look at myself…I don’t think this shoe fits me. Whoa, I’ve got to go easy here…because I’m SO prone to picking up bad feelings (projected criticisms, guilt) that don’t belong to me. Alright, I know where I stand now and what my true answer is.
Positively Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
9. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Everything would be perfect around here IF ONLY YOU would just straighten up and fly right.
A Thorough Self-Examination: Everything would be perfect around here IF ONLY I would just straighten up and fly right? Am I contributing to this problem and not solving it by changing some of the small things I say or do? No, after taking a closer look at myself…I don’t think this shoe fits me. Whoa, I’ve got to go easy here…because I’m SO prone to picking up bad feelings (projected criticisms, guilt) that don’t belong to me. Alright, I know where I stand now and what my true answer is.
Positively Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
10. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DON’T YOU do more around the house?
A Thorough Self-Examination: WHY DON’T I do more around the house? Am I being lazy around here as a resentment power play? No, after taking a closer look at myself…I don’t think this shoe fits me. Whoa, I’ve got to go easy here…because I’m SO prone to picking up bad feelings (projected criticisms, guilt) that don’t belong to me. Alright, I know where I stand now and what my true answer is.
Positively Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
11. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why CAN’T YOU talk to me without my needing to prod, push or probe?
A Thorough Self-Examination: WHY CAN’T I talk without being prodded, pushed or probed? No, after taking a closer look at myself…I don’t think this shoe fits me. Whoa, I’ve got to go easy here…because I’m SO prone to picking up bad feelings (projected criticisms, guilt) that don’t belong to me. Alright, I know where I stand now and what my true answer is.
Positively Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
12. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU only think of yourself and refuse to compromise and meet my needs?
A Thorough Self-Examination: WHY DO I only think of myself and refuse to compromise and meet my partner’s need? Am I intentionally aggravating my partner by failing to meet his or her needs? No, after taking a closer look at myself…I don’t think this shoe fits me. Whoa, I’ve got to go easy here…because I’m SO prone to picking up bad feelings (projected criticisms, guilt) that don’t belong to me. Alright, I know where I stand now and what my true answer is.
Positively Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
13. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DON’T YOU care for me as much as I care for you?
A Thorough Self-Examination: WHY DON’T I care for YOU as much as I care for ME? Am I acting too cool and standoffish toward my partner? No, after taking a closer look at myself…I don’t think this shoe fits me. Whoa, I’ve got to go easy here…because I’m SO prone to picking up bad feelings (projected criticisms, guilt) that don’t belong to me. Alright, I know where I stand now and what my true answer is.
Positively Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
14. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU treat me like a child?
A Thorough Self-Examination: Why DO I treat my partner like a child? Am I acting like a critical parent? No, after taking a closer look at myself…I don’t think this shoe fits me. Whoa, I’ve got to go easy here…because I’m SO prone to picking up bad feelings (projected criticisms, guilt) that don’t belong to me. Alright, I know where I stand now and what my true answer is.
Positively Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
15. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU always have to get the last word in?
A Thorough Self-Examination: Why DO I always have to get the last word in and not leave well enough alone? No, after taking a closer look at myself…I don’t think this shoe fits me. Whoa, I’ve got to go easy here…because I’m SO prone to picking up bad feelings (projected criticisms, guilt) that don’t belong to me. Alright, I know where I stand now and what my true answer is.
Positively Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
16. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU hate me so much and blame me for everything under the sun?
A Thorough Self-Examination: Why DO I hate him or her so much and blame them for everything under the sun? No, after taking a closer look at myself…I don’t think this shoe fits me. Whoa, I’ve got to go easy here…because I’m SO prone to picking up bad feelings (projected criticisms, guilt) that don’t belong to me. Alright, I know where I stand now and what my true answer is.
Positively Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
17. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DON’T YOU listen to me and stop your incessant interrupting?
A Thorough Self-Examination: WHY DON’T I listen better and stop my incessant interrupting? No, after taking a closer look at myself…I don’t think this shoe fits me. Whoa, I’ve got to go easy here…because I’m SO prone to picking up bad feelings (projected criticisms, guilt) that don’t belong to me. Alright, I know where I stand now and what my true answer is.
Positively Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
18. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why MUST everything fit your schedule and timetable?
A Thorough Self-Examination: Why MUST everything fit my schedule and timetable? No, after taking a closer look at myself…I don’t think this shoe fits me. Whoa, I’ve got to go easy here…because I’m SO prone to picking up bad feelings (projected criticisms, guilt) that don’t belong to me. Alright, I know where I stand now and what my true answer is.
Positively Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
19. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU always have to disappoint me and let me down?
A Thorough Self-Examination: Why DO I always have to disappoint him or her and let them down? No, after taking a closer look at myself…I don’t think this shoe fits me. Whoa, I’ve got to go easy here…because I’m SO prone to picking up bad feelings (projected criticisms, guilt) that don’t belong to me. Alright, I know where I stand now and what my true answer is.
Positively Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
20. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU think you’re always better than everyone else?
A Thorough Self-Examination: Why DO I think I’m always better than everyone else? No, after taking a closer look at myself…I don’t think this shoe fits me. Whoa, I’ve got to go easy here…because I’m SO prone to picking up bad feelings (projected criticisms, guilt) that don’t belong to me. Alright, I know where I stand now and what my true answer is.
Positively Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
21. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why CAN’T YOU just go along to get along this one time and stop with the stubbornness?
A Thorough Self-Examination: Why CAN’T I just go along to get along this one time and stop with the stubbornness? No, after taking a closer look at myself…I don’t think this shoe fits me. Whoa, I’ve got to go easy here…because I’m SO prone to picking up bad feelings (projected criticisms, guilt) that don’t belong to me. Alright, I know where I stand now and what my true answer is.
Positively Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
22. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU always have to be such a huge control freak?
A Thorough Self-Examination: Why DO I always have to be such a huge control freak? No, after taking a closer look at myself…I don’t think this shoe fits me. Whoa, I’ve got to go easy here…because I’m SO prone to picking up bad feelings (projected criticisms, guilt) that don’t belong to me. Alright, I know where I stand now and what my true answer is.
Positively Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
23. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU guilt trip me and make me feel lower than whale dung on the bottom of the ocean?
A Thorough Self-Examination: Why DO I guilt trip my partner and make him/her feel lower than whale dung on the bottom of the ocean? No, after taking a closer look at myself…I don’t think this shoe fits me. Whoa, I’ve got to go easy here…because I’m SO prone to picking up bad feelings (projected criticisms, guilt) that don’t belong to me. Alright, I know where I stand now and what my true answer is.
Positively Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”24. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU always boss me around and tell me what to do?
A Thorough Self-Examination: Why DO I always boss my partner around and tell him or her what to do? No, after taking a closer look at myself…I don’t think this shoe fits me. Whoa, I’ve got to go easy here…because I’m SO prone to picking up bad feelings (projected criticisms, guilt) that don’t belong to me. Alright, I know where I stand now and what my true answer is.
Positively Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
25. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU like to fight and make things so hard?
A Thorough Self-Examination: Why DO I like to fight and make things so hard? No, after taking a closer look at myself…I don’t think this shoe fits me. Whoa, I’ve got to go easy here…because I’m SO prone to picking up bad feelings (projected criticisms, guilt) that don’t belong to me. Alright, I know where I stand now and what my true answer is.
Positively Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
26. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DON’T YOU give me another chance?
A Thorough Self-Examination: Why DON’T I give the person another chance? Am I failing to let go of the past and forgive? No, after taking a closer look at myself…I don’t think this shoe fits me. Whoa, I’ve got to go easy here…because I’m SO prone to picking up bad feelings (projected criticisms, guilt) that don’t belong to me. Alright, I know where I stand now and what my true answer is.
Positively Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
27. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DON’T YOU admit that you’ve got some serious problems?
A Thorough Self-Examination: Why DON’T I admit that I’ve got some serious problems? What problem do I deny? No, after taking a closer look at myself…I don’t think this shoe fits me. Whoa, I’ve got to go easy here…because I’m SO prone to picking up bad feelings (projected criticisms, guilt) that don’t belong to me. Alright, I know where I stand now and what my true answer is.
Positively Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
28. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DON’T YOU admit that you have a fear of commitment?
A Thorough Self-Examination: Why DON’T I admit that I have a fear of commitment? No, after taking a closer look at myself…I don’t think this shoe fits me. Whoa, I’ve got to go easy here…because I’m SO prone to picking up bad feelings (projected criticisms, guilt) that don’t belong to me. Alright, I know where I stand now and what my true answer is.
Positively Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
29. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO WE always have to talk about everything until the cows come home?
A Thorough Self-Examination: Why DO I always have to talk about everything until the cows come home? Am I talking or lecturing? No, after taking a closer look at myself…I don’t think this shoe fits me. Whoa, I’ve got to go easy here…because I’m SO prone to picking up bad feelings (projected criticisms, guilt) that don’t belong to me. Alright, I know where I stand now and what my true answer is.
Positively Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
30. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU always spout off about what Dr. O’Grady has to say about us?
A Thorough Self-Examination: Why DO I always have to spout off about what Dennis has to say about us? No, after taking a closer look at myself…I don’t think this shoe fits me. Whoa, I’ve got to go easy here…because I’m SO prone to picking up bad feelings (projected criticisms, guilt) that don’t belong to me. Alright, I know where I stand now and what my true answer is.
Positively Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
AIN’T IT AMAZIN’: WHEN I SAY NO I DON’T FEEL GUILTY
Dr. Manuel J. Smith was the author of a 1975 book I really liked by the name of: “When I say no, I feel guilty.” Now you will increasingly say “no way” to guilt trips. In fact, I think your book title is: “When I say no, I feel gleeful.” Like I said…ain’t IT amazin’ how many pokes, prods, slams, jams, stabs, zings, sticks and stones, arrows, slaps and put-downs, projections, rejections and slights, self-esteem zappers and other energy-draining tunes are sung that give you a splitting headache? Your self-image is better than that, right?
SHRUG OFF THE GOOP OF GUILT SHUNNING
Yup, so now you can “talk back” inside your skull whenever a “guilt hurler” is trying to drag you down and make you frown. When you say no, you feel gleeful!
The rest of your communication journey…is up to YOU!Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the author of TALK TO ME: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone. Dennis leads workshops on his new positive interpersonal communications system. The theme of this article was selected based on the 1962 tune sung by an angry Bob Dylan, who was responding to being “psychocritiqued” by a nemesis. He belted out these words: “It ain’t me babe. No…no…no…It ain’t me babe. It ain’t me your lookin’ for, babe!” Bob Dylan might have been the first person to use CommTool#10 to shrug off the goop of guilt shunning with a healthy surge of cleansing assertive anger. Always know that sweeping disagreements under a carpet will eventually cause someone to trip up and break a neck. Sleep well tonight because you are no longer allowing nit-pickers to pick apart your self-esteem.