Central to executive coaching and relationship counseling, is the ability to talk positively and sensibly to yourself when tensions mount in the team. If I had a copper penny for every nonsensical, nasty, inaccurate pricking barb that has been stuck into the doll of your self-esteem…I would be as rich and famous as one of my heroes, Benjamin Franklin (who shares his birthday with my oldest daughter).
INSENSITIVE COMMUNICATORS
Why hasn’t anyone told “insensitive communicators” that their put-downs and criticisms might better fit them than you? Psychological “projections” – all of those craftily disowned ideas about myself that I project onto you – become inserted into your mind as repetitive negative thoughts that you think about yourself IF you allow them. I’m here to tell you, “Don’t!” Don’t allow these guilt bombs to be dropped on ya’. Let’s practice what to say to yourself when a guilt hurler is dragging you down and making your frown.
POSITIVE TALK NEWS
Negative talkers or “NegaTalkers” are guilt trippers and responsibility avoiders who need to get a grip on their projections and take back ownership of their criticisms in order to create personal growth and change.
A powerfully positive comeback that you can use inside your head when guilt trippers are spreading it on thick is:
“If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOES NOT FIT ME.”
SHUGGING OFF THE GOOP OF GUILT
Now granted, sometimes you are in the “wrong,” but most times you’re right and you know it…especially you genteel Empathizer-type (E-type) communicators. So, well…I’ll just give you some practice on how to say “no” to slick guilt trips.
1. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU always have to be SO difficult?
Positive Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
2. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DON’T YOU change?
Positive SELF-TALK: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
3. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU sound off like the world’s worst communicator?
Positive Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
4. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU have to always be so negative?
Positive Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
5. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU blow so much money?
Positive Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
6. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why ARE YOU being so cold and sexually uptight?
Positive Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
7. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU have to be so selfish and self-centered?
Positive Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
8. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: You can’t expect me to be perfect!
Positive Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
9. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why CAN’T YOU talk to me?
Positive Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
10. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU only think of yourself?
Positive Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
11. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU always have to get the last word in?
Positive Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
12. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU blame me for everything under the sun?
Positive Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
13. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU have to always be in control?
Positive Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
14. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU guilt trip me and make me feel lower than whale dung on the bottom of the ocean?
Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
15. PSYCHOCRITIQUER SAYS: Why DO YOU always spout off about what Dr. O’Grady has to say?
Accurate Self-Talk: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T fit ME!”
PLUG THE ENERGY DRAIN
That ought to do IT for now. Ain’t IT amazin’ how many pokes, prods, slams, jams, stabs, zings, sticks and stones, arrows, slaps and put-downs, projections, rejections and slights, self-esteem zappers and other energy draining tunes are songs that give you a splitting headache? Yup, so I’ve told you how to accurately TALK SENSE to yourself when a “guilt hurler” is trying to drag you down and make you frown.
The rest of the communication story…is up to YOU!
Dr. Dennis O’Grady provides executive coaching and professional training in Dayton, Ohio, and surrounding areas. Dennis is the author of “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone.” In this inspiring new communication program and leadership training workshop, you will learn the crucial differences between Empathizer-type communicators and Instigator-type communicators. Chances are the person you struggle with the most, and whom you think of as a “difficult person,” is in reality your opposite communicator who is comfortable with what you are uncomfortable with. In the case above, Empathizers “freeze up” and are reluctant to give helpful negative feedback while Instigators feel free to “let it rip” and speak their minds. You can “test your type” and receive a free communicator type feedback report by clicking on the link “What’s Your Communicator Type.” If you believe you are a “good communicator” then ask the two questions above to a co-worker…and listen open-mindedly to the answers. You at least will be able to tell the level of trust your co-communicator is experiencing with you.