Why do your criticizers have to take things SO personally? “Psychocritiquers” try and erect a barb wire fence around your self-esteem, intent on sentencing you to an island of isolation. Why? Because you have the nerve to DISAGREE, the nerve to stand positively for yourself, the nerve to dare to challenge the psychological superiority of both the criticizer and the criticism. In this free world, a criticizer has a right to their opinion just as you have the right to disagree with their talk digression. Are you taking criticisms TOO personally?
HITTING THE WALL OF BAD COMMUNICATION
“Perfectionistic psychocritiquers” issue nasty proclamations that nit-pick, tear apart or criticize your good works and character. Unintentionally, their proclamations erect a Berlin Wall-like barrier around the two of you, the equivalent of the Wall of Bad Communication. In my opinion, you are the final judge of whether you deserve the communication merit badge of self-worthiness. It’s up to you to ask, “Does this criticism fit me, or doesn’t it?”
KICKED IN THE TALK GUT LATELY?
Criticizers who try to feed you a manure sandwich while claiming it’s a bologna sandwich are serving up pure baloney. Why allow yourself to be force fed such crapola?
By nature, nit-pickers or “psychocritiquers” will have a field day with your positive energy and self-esteem IF you let them. If you feel kicked in the gut…chances are you are being mistreated and subjected to someone else’s unhealthy anger. I can teach you how to NOT think too much about or dwell for too long on unfair criticisms hurled at you.
For example, read my accompanying piece “30 Guilt Trips You Don’t Want To Go On.” Sharp resentment rocks are often hurled at you by angry citizens to make you capitulate.
YOUR PSYCHIC SKIN: WHEN BEING NICE ISN’T BEING VERY REAL OR GENUINE
People who wouldn’t spit on their criticizer if he/she were on fire often act like a super-NICE boy or super-NICE girl. And in fact, that’s how bad communication can develop, because you’re absorbing put-downs under your psychic skin. Senseless arguing or hurling accusations back-and-forth don’t solve problems, either.
On the other hand, you will spontaneously come up with very good comebacks to personal accusations once you learn how to handle the sharp barbs spinning around in your own skull! To do this? You must breathe deeply, remain calm, listen with an open mind and without a pre-planned agenda…and just make up your own mind about yourself this time.
Make good use of CommTool#10…by telling guilt trippers to take a hike with the inner-personal comeback: “If the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOES NOT FIT ME!”
SELF-ESTEEM HARPOONS
Psychocritiquers craftily project their own disowned, limiting ideas of the self on you until you could just scream. Nonetheless, it’s up to you to pull out the barbs from the flesh of your mind…all those inserted negative thoughts that multiply when repeated, often sub-vocally, inside your head by your own self-talk!
Have you told your very own “insensitive perfectionist control freak psychocritiquer Negatalker with a bad attitude”…that the haughty put-downs to which they’re trying to pin on your better fits them…the talking donkey that acts like an ass? That harsh put downs and put offs might better fit the accuser than the accused?!
Well, I guess it’s up to PosiTalkers like you and me to stop criticisms, fair or unfair, from keeping us down. So am I being TOO negative, all you NegaTalkers? Shoot, if the shoe fits, baby…and that shoe DOESN’T FIT ME!
Dr. Dennis O’Grady writes these communication essays to demonstrate the powerful new communication tools in his book TALK TO ME: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone. He runs “seriously funny” workshops on effective communication strategies, change management seminars and conflict resolution and anger management training. Dennis is a Dayton, Ohio, USA, licensed clinical psychologist and professional speaker. He dares audiences and readers alike to “DARE TO CARE” in this brave new world of positive thinkers and talkers.