When you’re frustrated or irritated with someone you work with or love who’s let you down one more time, are you reading too much into it? Making talk copouts or “psychoexcuses” that turn you off from your fellow talk traveler is as commonplace as hungry mice in a house in wintertime. Fast talkers slip out of taking responsibility for their unhelpful actions or inactions by talking fast in slippery ways to slide right past you.
SLIPPERY SPEAK: “I DIDN’T GET AROUND TO IT!”
Examples of using slippery speak or “psychoexcuses” to cover up failures of performance: “I didn’t get around to it!” or “That may be what you heard, I can’t argue with that, but that’s not what I said!” “BUT I didn’t mean to…!” is another way to turn off a family or team member fast. And last but not least, what about, “I don’t do IT all the time!” Hey, maybe you aren’t reading too much into the under-performance and over-promising of a slippery speaker!
“ME”-TALK AND YOU LISTEN
Keeping one’s word is an important lesson for all honest and ethical communicators to learn. If you promise but don’t deliver anything but excuses–your word will be worth less than dull buttons on an old coat due to false advertising. Take a listen and you will hear more “ME”-TYPE TALK below that majors in crafty “psychoexcuses” to distract talks from focusing on the continuing failure to deliver the goods to you.
- I didn’t get AROUND to it.
- You can ONLY do so much.
- I’m NOT a perfect person.
- I gave it my BEST shot but things didn’t work out.
- You act like I did it on PURPOSE just to spite you!
- Why am I BLAMED for everything?
- SO what was it that you heard me say I was going to do?
- You’ve got to stop living in the PAST and get over it!
- I just want to do the RIGHT thing by you NOW!
- You’re being a CONTROL freak!
- IT wasn’t a big deal…why do you make a mountain out of a mole hill?
- There you go again WORRYING about everything!
- I said I would take responsibility for fixing the PROBLEMS.
- Who’s to say when somebody should CHANGE?
- It’s the way it’s ALWAYS been…you can’t blame me.
- I couldn’t help it BECAUSE I was exhausted and my nerves were shot.
- Are you telling me you think it was ALL my fault?!
- I know I seem HARD to reach or talk to lately but…
- Think POSITIVE…things are going to be O.K.
- Most of what you see as problems are in your own HEAD!
- WHY can’t you let it go? We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it!
- How can I talk WHEN you interrupt me?
- How can I be honest with you if you ONLY criticize me?
- Why can’t you STOP focusing on the negative…it makes bad stuff happen?
- Why do you always have to be SO negative?
- You can’t fault me for being late ALL the time.
- You’re taking this way TOO personal!
- YOU’RE twisting my words around.
- Who could have seen IT coming?
- Who could have guessed THAT would happen?
- I didn’t EXACTLY promise that I would do it.
- THINGS are pretty black-and-white here.
- You’ve GOT TO be more reasonable and logical about this problem.
PLEASE DON’T TAKE THIS PERSONALLY, BUT…
I cringe as a psychologist, whenever I hear psychological excuses successfully used to evade being accountable and responsible to our relationships. Talk isn’t cheap, but priceless. In summary, “I meant to BUT I didn’t get around to it BECAUSE…” writes a long laundry list of why you and I didn’t do what was agreed to. Slippery speak excuses are personally prescribed failures that play the victim violin loud and long.
IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO AT THE TIME
I have heard it all before…and so have you when it comes to convenient excuses and mind-spinning rationalizations: “I couldn’t find time to…Some things just don’t fall into place easily like you plan them to…You were in a really bad mood so I couldn’t talk to you…How many times do I have to tell you that I didn’t do it on purpose…Things are going to be O.K. from here on out…IF you would stop getting all bent out of shape things would work out…You’re being WAY too sensitive about this…Why can’t you believe me for a change…It’s ALL going to be just fine…It’ll get better…You’re not as bad as before…Give me a chance to make up for it…You’ve got MY word on it…I didn’t mean to hurt you on purpose or be mean!”
Here’s the point: The word of an excuse-maker is as good as fake gold.
TALK LIKE A PRO?
You’re not reading too much into it! There is trouble brewing and not much is going to change if you believe the pretty promises of a rationalizer. Are you being led around by the nose and your energy drained by a slippery talker? Time to change all that. Why allow an excuse-maker to back you into a talk corner and make you feel depressed about what they are unwilling to do.
You deserve to practice the power of positive communication and personal change to leave your woes, worries and discouragements behind in the rearview mirror of your life.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT PROFESSIONAL KEYNOTE SPEAKER AND PSYCHOLOGIST DR. DENNIS O’GRADY
Dr. Dennis O’Grady provides executive coaching and professional training in Ohio and surrounding states. Dennis is the author of “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone” which is available in the resource store at his Web site www.drogrady.com. Dr. O’Grady leads workshops, and provides business consulting, about two new communicator types called Empathizers and Instigators. Let’s take “playing by the rules” as a fun example. Empathizers or E-types expect others to make the rules, while Instigators or I-types expect others to play by the rules they make. Likewise, take “grudge matches or grudge keeping.” E-types daily wipe their slate clean which can create co-dependency, while I-types keep accounting records of rights vs. wrongs that can lead into a co-dependency. Knowing who you’re talking to in the workplace by communicator type and temperament, makes all the difference in the “mood” in your workplace and the “effectiveness” of your management team.