Most of us are afraid of heated arguments, conflicts and nose-to-nose arguing…but do you feel in-the-right when you argue…or are you just reacting out of fear with a knee-jerk or a “me-jerk” reaction? Do you fight SO hard to make a point because you are in the right or because you are afraid of being found in the wrong? Or are you just caught up in the emotional moment when you’ll say anything (or avoid talking) to save face?
DO TELL
I thought I would ask our learned readers at www.drogrady.com: “When you argue, how often you feel that you are in the right, probably wrong, both or neither?” Here are the poll results:
WHEN ARGUING I AM…
1. Always right….Zero…0%
2. Always wrong…3.57%
3. Right but taken wrong…10.71%
4. Sometimes right…Sometimes wrong…85.71%
COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGY DISCUSSION:
In my groundbreaking communications theory, Empathizer communicators are sensitive types who are “negotiators” and “compromisers” at heart. Oppositely, Instigator communicators are insensitive types who are “debaters” and “decision makers” at logic. Neither type is right or wrong, just different. For example, if you are an Empathizer-type (E-type) talker, have you ever found yourself backing off from making a good point because you feel intimidated? In reverse, if you are an Instigator-type (I-type) talker have you ever found yourself pushing on while making a bad point because you feel weak if you don’t?
Do you even know which type you are—Empathizer or Instigator communicator—and why it matters so much in the world of productive talking and effective problem-solving? As a communications psychologist, I’ve noticed many well-meaning and intelligent people like you and me can get stuck deep awfully quick in the muck and mud of unproductive arguing, where points are made while the game of productive problem-solving is lost.
NEXT TIME YOU ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF A HEATED DEBATE
Here’s a challenge for you the next time your frustration is building because you’re spinning your tires while arguing and finding that nobody is listening, everybody is cutting in and interrupting, and intelligent brainstorming has turned into a tornado that is threatening to level the building of your relationship.
- Ask this: “Do you think you’re in the right on this one?”
- Or, “You sound like you are really sure of yourself. Do you feel you are right or accurate in what you’re saying and suggesting…or do you have some doubts?”
- Or offer this: “I’m not sure if I’m in the right or wrong either. I just wondered if you could repeat what I just said. Do you mind?”
Have a little fun along the way when you are in a difference of opinion that isn’t yielding anything worthwhile and making a friend into a foe.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the developer of the new communication system found in his book “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone,” which is available in the resource store at the Web site www.drogrady.com. Previous New Insights Communication Polls have included “Are You Shy or Stuck Up?”… “How Do You Handle Anger?”…“Are Men or Women Better Communicators?” “How Easily Are You Frustrated?” Read more about these challenging, growth producing topics, and other topics of personal and relationship interest here four minutes every day of the week to make change happen fast.