In popular psychology, high confidence levels or high self-esteem are linked to all sorts of desirable outcomes, such as: Ability to shrug off stress, willingness to take healthy risks in business, positive personal habits such as time management, an easy comfort in new social situations and the ability to be outgoing, good family communication, an optimistic vs. pessimistic mental attitude, great leadership communication, openness to change, student ability to learn tough new material, maturity to handle helpful negative feedback, sports performance when the squeeze is on, ability to close sales or make “cold calls” easily, effective parenting and problem-solving, relationship satisfaction, a habit of worshiping at the church of your choice, etc. Even the very pick of your romantic partner is determined in large part by your confidence level.
Zounds. Seems almost like everything you and I do is somehow linked to our levels of inner confidence. Confidence is one priceless feeling that you can’t buy, the pillar or foundation necessary for taking many new positive actions in spite of fear, isn’t it?
DO YOU FEEL CONFIDENT OR SIMPLY LOOK CONFIDENT…OR DO YOU HAVE EXCESSIVE SELF-ESTEEM?
But how many among us are truly feeling confident…versus putting on a confident face and looking, acting and sounding confident, when in our inner private reality we may be feeling quite down and low or low in self-esteem and shying off from acting proactively on the stage of life? I thought to ask my readers at www.drogrady.com just that question in a weekly poll. Check out the results for yourself:
WHEN IT COMES TO FEELING CONFIDENT…I WOULD DESCRIBE MYSELF AS HAVING:
1. LOW SELF-ESTEEM (LSE): 53.85%
2. HIGH SELF-ESTEEM (HSE): 46.15%
3. EXCESSIVE SELF-ESTEEM (ESE): Zero…O%
COMMUNICATION PSYCHOLOGY DISCUSSION:
Well, if we have a pretty normal group of folks answering the poll (which I think we do)…then about every other person you come across isn’t feeling too terrible confident today, either. Your friend or colleague may look, sound and act confident, but inside in the private interior of everyone’s emotional worlds…would be feeling “less than” or “not good enough”…talking a little bit down on the self, doubtful, pessimistic, less than confident. Wonder what would happen if we all had to wear a badge that announced how we were feeling: Low, high or super-high in self-esteem? Would we act and talk differently toward that person and feel that communication or miscommunication was due to the confidence level instead of the business or personal matters at hand?
WHAT ARE SOME TIPS TO BOOST YOUR SELF-ESTEEM WHEN YOU FEEL BUSTED?
Your self-esteem can be massaged and managed and raised when it’s too low. Here are some mental factors to help you feel up when you feel down from “Managing High Self-Esteem” in my classic book “Taking the Fear out of Changing”:
- DON’T WAIT UNTIL YOU LOSE OUT BIG TO CHANGE.
- MAKE SURE YOU LISTEN TO AND USE NEGATIVE FEEDBACK TO GROW AND CHANGE.
- LEARN TO FACE AND EMBRACE YOUR OWN WEAKNESSES.
- STOP LIVING IN A BUBBLE.
- DON’T PUSH AWAY PEOPLE TO PROVE A POINT.
- FACE YOUR FEARS OF DISCONNECTING YOUR INTIMACY AND SUCCESS DRIVES.
- LET YOUR SENSITIVITY AND CARING SHOW THROUGH AND DON’T BE A SAP.
- FANTASIZE ABOUT WHAT YOU ‘WILL DO’ AND DO IT.
- JOIN A DISCUSSION GROUP OR GET A PERSONAL GROWTH COACH.
- ENJOY AN OPTIMISTIC MENTAL ATTITUDE.
DEAL WITH NEGATIVISM…PUT OFF PESSIMISM
You CAN alter negative beliefs that reinforce low self-esteem and keep you from taking healthy risks to improve your mood and willingness to take healthy risks.
EXCESSIVE SELF-ESTEEM IS TOO-HIGH SELF-ESTEEM (ESE)?
“The Never Wrong Personality”…is that high-flying person who is VERY certain he/she is right and you and all “lesser” people ought to do exactly as “they say,” and when they say you should do it. I’ll not soon forget one ESE communications client who said: “I feel like an eagle in a world of sparrows…I don’t suffer the stupidity of common people lightly.” Needless to say, he was having tremendous difficulties in his personal relationships, and as a business entrepreneur was only tolerated because he had some money to toss around.
On the good news front, almost half of the people you come across today are feeling pretty good about themselves…which will be linked to positive parenting, positive marital communications, and positive business habits that give a helping hand to making projects go forward instead of stall out.
A CLOSELY HELD SECRET ABOUT SELF-ESTEEM
Dr. Nathaniel Branden, a Los Angeles psychotherapist, is one of my all-time favorite popular psychology authors in the arena of self-esteem…how your levels of confidence can work for or against you…and what you can do to improve your confidence to achieve far better relationship and communication results. There are many others, and all you have to do, is bathe your brain in effective ways to talk some sense to yourself and approve of who you are and what you need to do to feel O.K.
A final secret of high (average) self-esteem is this one: Confidence is a key factor that keeps you moving ahead on a positive path when others around you are being discouraging or distracting you from the taking the “higher road” or “road less traveled” that you need to travel on today to make change happen fast and last.
True confidence is walking softly in this world but carrying a big stick of successful outcomes that are good for everyone.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the author of “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone” which is available in the resource store at his Web site www.drogrady.com. Dr. O’Grady discovered two new communicator types called Empathizers and Instigators. One example of a talk difference between the two is that Empathizer-type communicators have a high need for interpersonal emotional contact, while Instigator-type communicators have a high need for interpersonal intellectual respect.
Previous New Insights Communication Polls have included “When You Argue, Are You Always Right?” … “Are You Shy or Stuck Up?”… “How Do You Handle Anger?”…“Are Men or Women Better Communicators?” “How Easily Are You Frustrated?” Read more about these challenging, growth producing topics, and other topics of personal and relationship interest here four minutes every day of the week to make change happen fast and last.