Today’s lesson, “The Hummingbird Effect,” starts with a story, as all good lessons do:
“A short time ago, in a land near by, a hummingbird was trapped in my garage early on a summer morning. It couldn’t find a way out, and it spent all its energy and drive flitting furiously back and forth looking for the exit. I got plenty worried about that beautiful, Lilliputian, fast birdie (I’ve always cottoned to hummingbirds because like angels, now you see them and now you don’t!). I was rushing to an important meeting, but I couldn’t leave that little bird to survive on its own or die. Besides, my teenage daughter, Erin, was watching if I would show compassion to “lessers” than me. HUMmingbird…what should I do? Get some dynamite…lock the door…ignore the problem…miss my important meeting and what excuse could I use, anyway? A hummingbird tied me up in my garage?
THE HARDER YOU TRY…THE BEHINDER YOU GET, SOMETIMES
Why all the cognitive consternation? Why couldn’t I just drive off and “let nature take its course?” Hey, have you ever looked into the forlorn eyes of a sensitive teen AND the darting eyes of a dastardly bird all at the same time? I couldn’t “bear” it…the guilt would be too terrible. I couldn’t find a lot to laugh about, my friend! Get the dreadful picture: This “storyline” took place in upper-class suburbia, and pitted one business consultant and family man (lucky father of three interesting daughters, females who love all of Mother Nature’s critters)…against one fast little bird who kept hitting her teeny tiny head against the wall, hard…bang-banging-thumpin’-and-lumpin’ HARD! What’s a poor dad and communications psychologist and executive coach supposed to do?
ARE YOU FULL OF INTEGRITY OR FULL OF IT?
Are you ever in a trap of your own making? I could hear the bang…bang…banging of that precious little head hitting the ceiling hard and almost feel the breeze coming at me from the frantically-twirling and twisting wings in thin air. Why all the muss and fuss? Well, this little bird was in a trap of its own making. Now, I’m not blaming “Birdee” or her predicament. All I’m saying is that Birdee flew herself into this mess and although she made her bed of a garage, I couldn’t let her remain in it. I would not let this outcome stand; besides which, I would feel tons of guilt about being a terrible father if my daughter thought I was “heartless and gutless.” (Teens and employees alike sometimes have a way of rammin’ ethics and integrity down our throats, now don’t they all you leaders, parents and managers?)
SINCE ANXIETY IS BORROWING TROUBLE, DON’T TAKE OUT A LOAN
Oh, my, how the little feathers flew! My oldest teenage daughter and I, felt SO sorry for the little banged-up bird, that we attempted a brave and risky “rescue” that included the use of a ladder. (I’m phobic of ladders because so many of my friends and colleagues have fallen off them, nearly killing and maiming themselves). Erin named our new-found friend, who was acting VERY dim and grim, “Birdee.” The struggle got personal very fast, as many of our struggles do at work and home.
BLAME THE BOONDOGGLE NOT THE BIRD
We almost shouted, “Why won’t you let us help you, you dang-blasted bird?!” I was starting to blame the bird for its own boondoggle. Are you like our Hummingbird and involved in work or activity that is wasteful, or pointless, but gives the appearance of having value? The definition of “boondoggle” is an activity or project that is trivial and wasteful of time, energy or money. Something of little practical value but strongly in political favor.
WHEN AT FIRST YOU DON’T SUCCEED…TRY, TRY DOING SOMETHING DIFFERENT…WHY DON’T YOU?
The thumping of Birdee’s head against the ceiling was sickening. I guess Birdee must have thought the way out of this box was to fly up and out. Perhaps 53 times before, the solution to the problem puzzle was to “fly up and out,” but NOT this time. In fact, this time the old solution had become THE problem. And Birdee was getting her brains knocked out of her fast as her wings could beat a minute…and subsequently flying harder and faster and harder and faster and…WHEW. I was getting dizzy just watching her while Erin was losing hope and worrying that Birdee would die, right there in our garage.
BEATING YOUR HEAD AGAINST A WALL AT WORK?
This experience showed and taught me one-more-time (Hey, are you ready to hear again what you know but sometimes fail to use because your brains are rattling loose in your skull as you beat against a wall of resistance?) that when at first you don’t succeed…DO try doing something different, including doing the OPPOSITE of what you’re currently doing. OR you can choose to keep being thick-headed and doing what you’ve always done and banging your head up against an immovable wall. Stay the course, and you can give yourself a gigantic headache and get stuck in a cobweb of stress that will clip your wings and steal your zing.
YOU CAN’T SEE THE NOSE ON YOUR FACE UNLESS A COACH CARINGLY HOLDS UP A MIRROR
Short story: Sometimes, you, your boss or teammates can’t see the solution to a problem, the same way you can’t see the nose on your face unless someone caringly holds up a mirror. That’s why you pay communications consultants, professional relationship counselors, mentors and teachers, or personal trainers and spiritual advisors of all kinds to help you see the forest for the trees. If you are living in your own world, and failing to take advantage of helpful resources who are experts in their niches of expertise, then you’re doing just that: living in your own world. Perhaps you are a legend in your own mind…but you’re going to get your wings clipped when you least expect them to.
ARE YOU DASHING FURIOUSLY HERE-AND-THERE AND GETTING NOWHERE?
You see, this little greenish-blue Tinkerbell of a hummingbird was trapped in my three-car garage on what should have been one very fine summer day THAT morning…beating its wings at 3,457 times per minute AND flying about, furiously dashing here and there. Now get this: The garage doors were wide open but the little bird couldn’t “see the light” to exit his box. She kept doing more and more and more of what wasn’t working to solve the problem. “Birdee” was failing the “FLEXIBILITY VS. STRESS TEST.” Ah, SO many people at work are SO busy working on SO much of nothing. Just because you look, ACT busy or leave others with the impression that your time is crunched, doesn’t necessarily mean that you are getting done what is most important to do to “solve a problem and move on.”
GIVE UP ON GIVING UP
I’ll tell you in a minute about Birdee’s outcome. But I will tell you now that I was up on a ladder…trying to catch “Birdee” in a fishing net…late for a meeting in Toledo…brainstorming with my teenager…trying to stay calm…watching little feathers begin to pop off “Birdee” as she kept hitting her head against “the wall” of the garage ceiling. What was my goal…what was I trying to accomplish…how long before I should give up and quit. Or should I take the pill of my own advice, and: “Give up on giving up?!”
IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS…CHANCES ARE YOU WON’T BUMBLE OR STUMBLE ON THE SOLUTION.
“Why won’t you do something different, Birdee?” I urgently fussed. “Why can’t you fly out the open garage doors into the world you are seeking instead of flying back-and-forth and up-and-down with the doors wide-open on this fine summer day?” I frustratingly mused. The problem, you can tell, was that this fragile tiny jasmine creature that hovers as fast as a jet and is thrice as pretty…couldn’t solve the problem of getting back out of the box she had inadvertently put herself in. In fact, Birdee wasn’t aware that she had put herself in the box at all and probably hadn’t studied the “box problem” to even know the parameters of the problem. If you don’t know what constitutes a problem, how can you devise a complete solution and know why it works?
CHANGE HAPPENS WITH OR WITHOUT YOU
The end of the Hummingbird story is a happy one. Birdee got caught in a cobweb in the garage corner, and I could get my net around her. Erin and I gently removed the cobwebs from her wings, and watched the barely moving body and chest pump for desperately needed air. I had never seen a hummingbird up so close. We laid Birdee on my white handkerchief and in a bit…Birdee flew off none the worse for the wear and terror into the bright day. And in fact, while writing this…Erin and Riley and I just saw “Birdee” fly by our window to the flower bush in our sideyard…and my daughters (and I) screamed their delight.
Always remember: Sometimes trying harder is the solution…and sometimes it’s NOT! When in doubt: Do something different…even do the opposite of what you’re doing that isn’t working…and fly away from the trap you find yourself wrapped up in.