Does your confidence level push you to get things done or does it pull you down some? All you have to do is open a newspaper, as I did recently, and you will find an increase in mental health services to reduce stress, anxiety, depression, post-traumatic reactions and grief in the workplace (USA Today, 8/22/06, by Stephanie Armour). Not that these growing services to help workers are a bad thing, but the unspoken issue is that some negatalker is running down your mood, breaking your confidence and placing you at risk to join “the walking wounded at work.” You can manage your mood on your own much better than you might imagine – when you’re willing to put minutes a day into doing so.
BETTER YOUR BEST ATTITUDE
As a 30-year executive coach and leadership development communications psychologist, I see and hear powerful proof every day of how a single bad-egg supervisor or partner negatively impacts your mood, draining the energy you need to get things done. Oh, how your mood can be run down or tripped up in the workplace and in the family love space! The psycho-behavioral impact: The lower your mood…the less able and confident you feel to take risks and get good things done…when you’ve promised to do them. Or am I just making one big whopping psycho-babbling (g)rumbling brook of an excuse? You know best. Who or what pumps up your mood…and who or what deflates your mood and confidence level?
GETTING THINGS DONE AT WORK: THE NEW INSIGHTS CONFIDENCE POLL
I thought I would find out what it’s like for most folks at the busy intersection of Bad Mood Boulevard and Stay Focused Street. I asked responders to tell me if their “confidence level” (a self-perception scale of mood intensity ranging from negative to neutral to positive) was the KEY to various work habits. The results show that mood and your confidence level are linked to just about EVERY work habit under the corporate sun.
MY “CONFIDENCE LEVEL” IS THE KEY TO:
1. 0…Zero percent…………….RESOLVING DISPUTES
2. 5.26%………GETTING DIFFICULT THINGS DONE AT WORK
3. 0%…………..EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION STRATEGIES
4. 15.79%…………………MY MOOD
5. 0…Zero percent………RELATIONSHIP SATISFACTION
6. 78.95%…………………ALL OF THE ABOVE
YOUR CONFIDENCE LEVEL AFFECTS JUST ABOUT ALL YOU DO AND HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT WHAT YOU DO AND DON’T DO
So, does one bad apple of a supervisor, team member or romantic partner spoil your lunch? Yes, it’s true. My proof: Your confidence level or worker self-esteem has been effectively studied and measured in the leadership development literature and on the real-life field of occupational testing. For further proof of what you intuitively know about relational stress on your self-esteem, please read Dr. Robert Hogan’s outstanding discussion of key research applications related to confidence level in his latest book: “Personality and The Fate of Organizations.” Dr. Hogan’s book is available at www.erlbaum.com. Dr. Hogan brilliantly and assertively discusses “models of bad management,” “studies of failed managers” and how “the personality disorders” relate directly to “managing impressions of success” and “giving off a pleasing personal appearance”…when the reality is a lousy mood and ineffectiveness of many modern-day workers. So, does one bad apple spoil your lunch?
WHAT IS THE SINGLE BIGGEST IMPACT ON YOUR CONFIDENCE LEVEL?
What is the single biggest impact on your confidence level? Well, how positive your family relationships are for one. If you are stressed and stretched at home, and if you are stretched thin in your coping energy reserves, then you are going to work as a “wounded warrior,” or “the working wounded” as Joseph Calabrese, director of the University of Cleveland’s mood disorders program has been quoted as saying. That being said…you are still the leader of your life, in charge of your mood and of communicating effectively in all of your relationships to boost your mood and bust the blues!
NOW GET READY FOR THIS NEWSFLASH YOU TALK ACCIDENT VICTIMS AT CONGESTED COMMUNICATION INTERSECTIONS
In Chapter 6, Dr. Hogan (“Personality and The Fate of Organizations”) relays a stunning research finding (but perhaps not at all surprising to those of us who work in the trenches and suffer from shell shock at work): “About 75% of the workforce surveyed will say that the worst single aspect of their job, the most stressful aspect of their job, is their immediate supervisor.” For all you skeptics out in Webville…the research was done in 1948, 1958, 1969 and 1998 in London, Baltimore, Seattle and Honolulu—across a wide variety of occupational groups…still the most stressful part of your job is an immediate supervisor who is IMPOSSIBLE!
WHAT IS THE MOST STRESSFUL PART OF YOUR JOB—WHAT DEFLATES YOUR CONFIDENCE THE MOST?
In my clinical studies of executive coaching and relationship counseling results and outcomes, I’ve found these 7 factors directly and massively impact your confidence level on THE TWO-WAY COMMUNICATION HIGHWAY:
1. FLAT TIRES: Unresolved family or extended family issues with loss or grief management components. Losing a close friend or divorce falls into this category.
2. LOW ON GAS: Working for an “impossible boss” who militaristically makes you mad to motivate you.
3. CLUNKING ENGINE: Not doing what works to “tune up” one’s attitude or life…doing what doesn’t work and feeling depressed due to self-prescribed failures.
4. ROAD RAGE: Psycho-critiques and guilt trips that proclaim you’re not worth much.
5. NO BRAKES: Careening out of control by racking up financial bills or debt that is overwhelming.
6. LAZY OR INATTENTIVE DRIVERS: Team players who don’t keep their word and pass around hand grenades of bad feelings with the pin pulled out. Gossiping and using others fits here.
7. OVERHEATED ENGINE: Secretive bullying or passive-aggressive “slow down” or “take this” paybacks in the workplace.
WHAT’S THE POINT? WHY LET ONE BAD EGG, CRACK YOUR CONFIDENCE?!
Your confidence level is tremendously impacted by all the people, negative or neutral or positive, you are closest to as you go about moving between family team and work team. Especially negative people who broker power…and get off on getting you down…are the biggest de-motivational culprits and spirit-killers.
When I was a child, I was given the advice to JUST IGNORE stupid behavior and stupid people who are mean-spirited power-mongers. I’ve discovered since that advice doesn’t always work very well, and actually contributes to the problem of crucifying your confidence level. Instead, I recommend you become the leader of your own life and boost your attitude every day inputting the positive. What’s the point? Why let one bad egg…one impossibly difficult person who doesn’t perceive there is a problem and therefore won’t change anything about their negative behavior…crack your confidence!
Dr. Dennis O’Grady, who likes to think of himself as a good egg, is also the author of newly published Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone. He’s the chief egg and founder of New Insights Communication in Dayton, Ohio.
Previous New Insights Communication Polls have included “If You’re Scoring At Home, Are You Scoring At Work?“…”What’s Up With Your Confidence Level?“… “When You Argue, Are You Always Right?” … “Are You Shy or Stuck Up?”… “How Do You Handle Anger?”…“Are Men or Women Better Communicators?” “How Easily Are You Frustrated?” Read more about the challenge of leadership, and other topics about executive coaching, business consulting, leadership training and communication skills here four minutes every day of the week to make change happen fast and last.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady provides executive coaching and professional training in Ohio and surrounding states. Knowing who you’re talking to in the workplace by communicator type (Empathizer or Instigator) and temperament (Introvert or Extrovert)–makes all the difference in the “mood” in your workplace and the “effectiveness” of your management team.