All strong people need a helping hand sometimes. Maybe we feel down for the count, dispirited or just plain confused about why people do or don’t do what they say they will or won’t do. You’re not crazy if you want to talk to a professional. In fact, seeking help may be one of the most courageous decisions you ever make on behalf of your own confidence, peace of mind, self-esteem and leadership development. Worse-case scenario: Your well-meaning friends, work associates or teammates might advise you incorrectly because they are “too close” to your situation, and their bias may make things worse.
COMPARING THE COACHING AND COUNSELING WORLDS
As a psychologist, executive coach and relationship communication coach, I’m often asked: “SO Dennis, what’s the difference between executive coaching that my company or I pay for privately…and personal counseling that my insurance company will help pay for publicly? Is it only about money?” Actually, there is a world of difference between the coaching and counseling worlds, although the line is sometimes a bit fuzzy. Here are some helpful differences to be in the know about:
1. Personal counseling helps you find your answers through self-discovery.
Executive coaching respects your opinions but gives you answers to “try on for size” and see how they fit.2. Personal counseling is almost always done in person.
Executive coaching can be done in person, by phone, over the Internet or by e-mail conferencing.3. Personal counseling is fairly “non-directive,” where the counselee talks and the counselor patiently listens, coaxes and encourages.
Coaching is VERY active and “directive.” Often the coach is speaking as much or more than the student; homework assignments are required.4. Counseling is non-judgmental, patient and tolerant of repeated mistakes.
Coaching is results-oriented, caring and carefully expects accountability instead of pat excuses.5. Insurance companies will partially subsidize or pay for personal and family counseling if a medical diagnosis (e.g., “depression” or “anxiety”) is provided; that diagnosis becomes part of your permanent medical record.
Executive coaching does not involve a medical diagnosis because it focuses instead on wellness; as a result, thus insurance coverage isn’t appropriate and there is no permanent record.6. Counseling is more supportive of any reluctance to move outside the box or resist change.
Coaching believes that “stretching” beyond your comfort zones leads to positive payoffs and that a firm shove now and then can work miracles.7. Counseling presumes the client or patient has some pretty deep and intense personal issues that impede success.
Coaching presumes the “student” or “skill learner” is competent, has stable moods and is able and willing to handle change and take suggestions to succeed better.8. Counseling is open-ended, and agreed-upon meetings depend on progress or the “healing of illness.”
Coaching is time-limited, and skills are sculpted by “focusing on talents and strengths.”9. Counseling involves fairly deep analysis of personality and family issues to deal with past baggage that is tripping you up today.
Coaching is very “now” or “present-centered” and focuses on “moving forward” and “solving problems” in order to attain better results NOW.10. Counseling is supervised by your insurance company; if your insurer views the need as worthy of treatment, it can request further information at any time.
Coaching involves only the parties you wish to involve; you alone (and the coach) keep the records of your achievements.
FLEXIBLY COPING WITH CHANGE
Being flexible and coping with change is what it’s all about. Don’t by shy to pay for the skills you will use your entire lifetime. Hiring a specialist to help you better yourself is still one of the best deals going today…whether you, your business or your insurance company help cover the cost. And remember, you may even be able to negotiate the fees during the first meeting if you have a legitimate case!
SELF-IMPROVEMENT OR MEDICAL ILLNESS?
Here’s a short list of some differences between coaching and counseling so you can determine if you want to pay privately or publicly for your communication services:
Coaching vs. Counseling =
Self-Improvement vs. Medical Illness
Learning vs. Healing
Present-Focus vs. Past-Focus
New Communication Patterns vs. Old Family Patterns
Problem-Solving vs. Understanding Problems
Psychological Confrontation vs. Psychological Excuses
We-Centered vs. Me-Centered
Whole Relationships vs. Broken Relationships
Positive Stress vs. Negative Stress
Results-Focused vs. Mood Focused
Doing vs. Talking
THERE’S NO FREE LUNCH
For more than 30 years, I’ve had the privilege to coach people from all walks of life, to provide individual and family counseling and in-depth psychological psychotherapy that sometimes lasts for decades because of the severity of the issues. Each approach has merit, depending on the goals you seek to achieve. One of the reasons counseling is selected is to get a “discount” off the tab. However, as we all know, there is no free lunch and you get what you pay for.
WHO SHOULD YOU CALL?
Interested in either coaching or counseling or intensive psychotherapy? My best suggestion is to INITIALLY go to a meeting with someone you’ve screened (by phone or e-mail/Internet) – someone who specializes in your TYPE of problem to solve…gets GOOD RESULTS with the type of problems you wish to QUICKLY RESOLVE …ENJOYS the work…and who will allow you to pay ONE TIME for an hour meeting to explore the SPECIFIC problem you have. Use that meeting to find out how quickly solutions can be moved into place for you and those you care about.
I know we all want to get a good deal, even if we have to “fudge” a little bit by saying we have a medical illness when in fact we are well. Shoot, I pay thousands of dollars for health insurance for my family, so why shouldn’t I use it? Well, I should use what works…fast. Don’t you agree?
Dennis O’Grady is founder of New Insights Communications and a professional psychologist who understands that the best kind of talking, counseling and therapy is the kind that establishes good communications skills and focuses on change….change for the better, change for the future, change that helps the world go forward instead of spinning and spinning in place.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady provides executive coaching and professional development training in Ohio and surrounding states. Dennis is the author of “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone” which is a leadership training and positive relationship workbook.