99 Ways To Turn People Off Cold (Without Really Trying)

There are easily 99 talk transgressions that wearily turn you and your fellow talk traveler cold on the lonely road of mixed-up communication. You think I’m exaggerating? Well, what is your plan to talk effectively with people who are “different” from you? Moreover, do you comprehend the crucial differences between the Empathizer-type communicator “apples” and the Instigator-type “oranges” in the orchard of business communications? (Neither fruit group is better than the other since both have their place, strengths and pits.)

I DIDN’T MEAN TO…I DIDN’T DO IT ON PURPOSE…I WAS JUST JOKING…YOU TAKE THINGS TOO SERIOUSLY…IT’S NOT MY FAULT

Have some fun…and boom out the “99 Ways To Turn off a Team or Family Member Cold and Make a Talker into a Distruster without Really Trying Very Hard To.” HINT: The purpose of many of these crafty “psychoexcuses” is to distract the focus on accountability away from the person, leader manager or team member who has failed to deliver on promised actions or results.

1. I didn’t mean to!
2. I didn’t do IT on purpose!
3. SO what did you say the plan was?
4. We’ve got to stop focusing on the past and move forward from here.
5. I just want to do the right thing!
   
6. I’m not trying to act like a control freak here!
7. And one more thing…
8. There you go again!
9. Who’s going to be responsible for ironing out these wrinkles?
10. Who’s to say when somebody should change?
11. It’s the way it’s always been.
12. Don’t blame me, my attention span is shot.
13. It’s not my fault!
14. I know I can be a royally difficult person, sometimes.
15. Think positive…I think things will be O.K.
16. Most of your problems are in your head!
17. Let’s cross that bridge when we get to it!
18. You don’t have to read my mind because I speak my mind!
19. If you don’t focus on the negative…bad stuff won’t happen.
20. Why do you always have to be SO negative?
21. When I don’t physically feel good…I can get pretty grumpy.
22. I’m not wishy-washy because I have strong opinions about everything!
23. Do ya’ know what I’m talking about?
24. Don’t you agree with me on this one?
25. I’ve got to be honest with you here…
26. If you don’t speak up, I can’t hear your feedback!
27. You’ve gotta’ know where I am at with that!
28. I don’t back down when I’m right…I press my point.
29. I don’t see that…I don’t see it that way.
30. If you don’t keep moving, you get bored.
31. This will tell you how I feel about IT!
32. This is about them (you)…not me!
33. You’ve got to be more direct with me.
34. Am I supposed to be a mind reader?
35. That’s not what I meant…you’re twisting my words.
36. I always try to make the right decision but I’m not perfect.
37. I’m not afraid…I choose to take action and think positively.
38. Perhaps I’m not there, yet, but I’m doing my best.
39. I didn’t do IT intentionally.
40. I didn’t do it intentionally to spite you.
41. IT wasn’t my intention to hurt or disrespect you.
42. I’m sorry you’re upset.
43. I’m sorry this upsets you SO much!
44. I think it’s fair.
45. I’ve done everything I could do.
46. You blaming me BUT it’s not my fault.
47. Who could I have seen IT coming?
48. Who could have guessed THAT would happen?
49. I didn’t exactly promise that I would do it.
50. IT’s not going to happen…why don’t you trust me?
51. Why does everything have to be on your timetable?
52. You’re taking this all wrong…don’t guilt trip me.
53. You’ve got IT all wrong.
54. Don’t take this wrong BUT…
55. It’s not how it sounds…it’s not as bad as it sounds!
56. I feel good where I’m at in this project!
57. I feel good about where this is going!
58. Nothing’s perfect…so why do you expect me to be?
59. I know I can come off pretty strong, sometimes!
60. I’ve always been a pretty strong-willed person…I have a strong personality type!
61. That’s not exactly what I said…you misheard me.
62. I don’t see it…I don’t see that…I don’t see a problem here!
63. I think things are looking pretty good.
64. I can’t complain.
65. I can’t complain…no one would listen, anyway.
66. I can tell IT will work out…I feel good about it.
67. I’m lucky to have SUCH a good life…and I’m even more excited about the future.
68. Why worry about it? You can’t control everything.
    
69. There’s nothing you can do about IT…so why worry?
70. Emotions can run away with you, sometimes, if you allow them too.
71. I can be pretty high strung sometimes…I need to take a “chill pill.”
72. Talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words.
73. Things are pretty black-and-white here.
74. It’s not like I tried to make this happen or did it on purpose.
75. I agree this is a mess…SO now what are WE going to do about it?
76. You’ve got to be more reasonable and logical about this problem.
77. This is beginning to tick me off!
78. I know BUT…
79. Of course I like to win, who doesn’t?
80. You’ve got to pick your battles…is this one worth fighting for?
81. I don’t do IT ALL the time!
82. When was the last time I did that?!
83. What can I say, I’m a screw-up.
    
84. Hey, THEY do IT more than I do.
85. I should learn to take my own good advice.
86. I’m simply not going to put up with it!
87. You don’t understand what I’m trying to say.
88. SO what’s your point?
89. It’s never been easy for me to relax and do nothing.
90. IT doesn’t exist if you don’t talk about it forever and a day.
91. Who doesn’t like to be in the right?
92. People have to be held responsible and accountable, you know.
93. I’m a pretty decent debater…I can hold my own.
94. I don’t know exactly what you mean…what you’re trying to get at here.
95. Do we have to talk about everything under the sun?
96. We can’t talk about IT…so let’s agree to disagree.
97. How am I supposed to answer that?
98. What good does IT do to listen to others’ long list of problems?
99. Out of respect, I give people plenty of space when they have emotional problems.

TALK LIKE AN INSTIGATOR?

So now you know how to talk like an Instigator communicator who is evasive and evading taking responsibility for their negative words or actions! Sometime soon, I am going to teach you how to talk, and what to tune in to, when you talk to an Empathizer communicator. In doing so, oh…the communication places you will go.

You deserve to delight in the power of positive communication to leave your woes, worries and discouragements behind in the rearview mirror of your life. Sure, you may make a pit stop every now and then BUT you won’t run out of gas!

Dr. Dennis O’Grady provides executive coaching and professional training in Ohio and surrounding states. Dennis is the author of “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone” which is available in the resource store at his Web site www.drogrady.com. Dr. O’Grady leads workshops, and provides business consulting, about two new communicator types called Empathizers and Instigators. Let’s take “playing by the rules” as a fun example. Empathizers or E-types expect others to make the rules, while Instigators or I-types expect others to play by the rules they make. Likewise, take “grudge matches or grudge keeping.” E-types daily wipe their slate clean which can create co-dependency, while I-types keep accounting records of rights vs. wrongs that can lead into a co-dependency. Knowing who you’re talking to in the workplace by communicator type and temperament, makes all the difference in the “mood” in your workplace and the “effectiveness” of your management team.