You, Too, Can Drive Anyone Crazy

You, too, can drive anyone crazy. All you have to do is use slippery speak and make all kinds of logical sounding “poor me” slick excuses why others won’t allow you to be the leader of your own life. Who said blaming others for the mess you put yourself in is hard work? The ulterior purpose of crafty “psychoexcuses” is to distract the focus away from a continuing failure to deliver on promised actions or results.

SLIPPERY SPEAK: THAT MAY BE WHAT YOU HEARD, BUT…

“That may be what you heard, I can’t argue with that, but that’s not what I said!” is slippery speak. “BUT I didn’t mean to…!” is another way to turn off a team or family member fast. Chilly, too, is “NOW that’s how it’s always been done around here!” Or, “There you go again pointing the finger of blame at my team!” And what about, “I don’t do IT all the time!”

ME-TYPE TALK

Take a listen and you will hear more “ME”-TYPE TALK excuses below. Have some fun relief…and listen for any of these excuses you hear yourself or others use today in the workplace or home space. Just add these to the “99 Ways to Turn People off Cold (Without Really Trying)” you got a chuckle from previously.

1. I meant to BUT I didn’t get around to it BECAUSE…
2. I know I avoid situations that make me uncomfortable.
3. I didn’t do it deliberately!
4. People act busier than they are!
5. Truthfully, I want to spend more time with you BUT…
6. Please don’t take this personally, BUT…
7. Can I tell you something without you getting mad?
8. I don’t think about bad things I can’t do anything about.
9. Why should I always be the one to check in and ask you how you feel?
10. Hey, when I’m not working, I want to chill out.
11. It was the right thing to do at the time.
12. You’re taking what I’m saying out of context.
13. I can only do so much!
14. I fell behind…so what do you want me to do or say?
15. I have no answer for that!
16. I’m doing everything in my power to fix IT!
17. You can try YOUR hand at IT if YOU want to!
18. I try to just put the past behind me and forget about it.
19. All of this takes time, you know!
20. I’m asking you a direct question and I expect a direct answer.
21. Why are you treating me this way? I wouldn’t do that to you!
22. Some things just don’t fall into place easily like you plan them to.
23. How many times do I have to tell you that I didn’t do it on purpose?!
24. Things are going to be O.K. from here on out if you stop getting all bent out of shape!
25. Your being WAY too sensitive about this.
26. Why can’t you believe me? It’s ALL going to be just fine!
27. It’ll get better…you’ll see…you’ve got my word on it!
28. Here’s the point…
29. I don’t do it on purpose to hurt you…you’ve got to get over IT!
30. This was a money factor that was out of my control.
31. I don’t want to talk about this any more!
32. I know this has to be hard for you to take SO…
33. I try to put it behind me as fast as I can…why can’t you do the same?
34. Why be SO negative all the time?
35. I just want to get past this phase and forget about it.
36. All of this takes time/money/commitment/focus/sweat from me and I’m squeezed!
37. You really upset and hurt me when you said…
38. Why do you leave me out?
39. Doesn’t my opinion matter to you?
40. You’re still not where I want you to be.
41. Can you hold off a little longer on those demands?
42. I’m trying my best not to be mean or nasty.
43. Sometimes, I end up shooting off my mouth before I think through what I should say!
44. I told you that I’m working on it!
45. What was I supposed to do under the circumstances?
46. You think WAY too much!
47. It’s not THAT deep…your taking this way too seriously!
48. What about…What IF you tried…
49. I just want the stress to go away.
50. I just want to set the record straight!
51. Are you sure you’ve thought this through?
52. You’re not the person I thought you were.
53. You disappoint me!
54. I’ve got to vent my feelings…My feelings are my feelings!
55. SO what’s the plan? Who’s responsible? Who’s in charge?
56. There’s no discussing it with you when you’re mind is made up.
57. What do you want me to say about that that would satisfy you?
58. You’ve got to work with me here, and give a little bit back to me.
59. You’ve got to understand where I’m coming from as well!
60. You should think more with your head, and less from your heart!
61. I feel somewhat selfish…but who isn’t?!
62. You need to quit avoiding the topic and take responsibility for your life.
63. I just don’t like talking about serious stuff!
64. I don’t want to hurt their feelings by being too blunt!
65. I don’t like dealing with moody people and messy emotions.
66. I suck it up and forget about it.
67. Where are we goin’ from here? Where are we headed? Who’s got the map?
68. I don’t mean to tell you what to do BUT IF I were you…
69. You over-analyze everything and can be your own worst enemy, sometimes!
70. You and I only like the ‘feel good’ emotions, right?!
71. What can I do about it? How should I know what to say or do?
72. I’ve got to be honest with you here: Uncomfortable emotions, well, make me uncomfortable.
73. Did I say that? Or is that what YOU heard me say?!
74. That may be what you heard, I can’t argue with that, but that’s not what I said.
75. IF I don’t do IT…then who’s going to do it, eh?!
76. Why do I always get shoved into the position of being in control of everything?
77. Do you know what I’m saying here? Don’t you get it?
78. What was I supposed to do? Pretend like IT didn’t happen?!
79. I always try to do what’s right, and let my conscious be my guide.
80. Does that make any sense to you?
81. Why do you have to re-visit everything, again and again?!
82. There’s certain things that have to be done, and I don’t see you volunteering!

EMPATHIZER APPLES VS. INSTIGATOR ORANGES

As I previously said, there are many interesting differences that exist between the Empathizer “apples” and the Instigator “oranges.” Neither fruit group is better than the other, and both have their place, strengths and pits.

Any way you slice that apple and orange, you can’t compare apples and oranges. When you begin to “see and understand” that both fruits operate in the world according to a “life view” which is alterable…then you are free to travel to new places in all of your interpersonal and inner-personal relations.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady provides executive coaching and professional training in Ohio and surrounding states. Dennis is the author of “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone” which is available in the resource store at his Web site www.drogrady.com. Dr. O’Grady leads workshops, and provides business consulting, about two new communicator types called Empathizers and Instigators. Let’s take “playing by the rules” as a fun example. Empathizers or E-types expect others to make the rules, while Instigators or I-types expect others to play by the rules they make. Likewise, take “grudge matches or grudge keeping.” E-types daily wipe their slate clean which can create co-dependency, while I-types keep accounting records of rights vs. wrongs that can lead into a co-dependency. Knowing who you’re talking to in the workplace by communicator type and temperament, makes all the difference in the “mood” in your workplace and the “effectiveness” of your management team.