Are you REALLY always right? If you want to slip out of taking responsibility for something important that came out of your mouth when you felt frustrated or mad, just say: “Hey, I was only joking! Don’t take it so seriously. I was just teasing ya’. It’s nothing personal!” Slippery speak is when a speaker passive-aggressively makes excuses for mean-spirited words or actions so they can’t get caught red-handed and held personally responsible.
I DON’T DO IT ALL THE TIME
Legalistic and psychological arguments abound in the world of talk today. “BUT I don’t do it ALL the time!” is slippery speak because frequency of occurrence is used as an argument. That’s like saying, “Hey, but I don’t lie ALL the time so why are you getting on my case?!” Or picking apart or quibbling with a good point, by saying: “That may be what you heard, I can’t argue with that, but that’s not what I said!”
MAKING SLICK EXCUSES TO EXCUSE REPEATED FAILURES
Making slick excuses to excuse repeated failures is one of the biggest communication flops being perpetuated today. People seem so keen at getting out of being the blame, that needed positive changes are cut off at the knees just when the whistle blows for the change race to begin. Are these some slick talking tricks you might hear at work, school or home today?
- I didn’t mean it like it sounded!
- I was just joking!
- Can’t you take a joke…I was just ribbin’ ya’!
- Give me some credit, why don’t ya?!
- I am constantly trying to do the right things for our relationship!
- There you go again picking on me.
- C’mon…I’m not THAT bad!
- I know that…you’re repeating yourself.
- No, I don’t want your sympathy.
- I think it could’ve been worse.
- I couldn’t help it.
- I thought it would be neat and make you happy.
- I would have been better off, not saying anything.
- You try to make me out to be a terrible person.
- I don’t get that…maybe I’m dumb or not as smart as you!
- I don’t get that everything revolves around you.
- You’ve got to admit…
- It’s not as bad as before.
- BUT that’s a FACT!
- I’m so busy solving everyone’s problems–I don’t have time to solve my own.
- You’re making this sound SO really BAD and awful.
- That’s not what I was saying!
- You’re doing a good job of backing me into a corner.
- You’re trying to make me pick sides which I won’t do!
- You can’t compare the two…it’s like comparing apples to oranges.
- I have to live with what you give.
- What can I do about IT?
- You’re never satisfied, so I can never do enough to ever please you.
- It wasn’t ME!
- IT wasn’t MY fault!
- What did YOU do now?
- Where are you coming from?
- You don’t have to ACT so mad!
- I didn’t do IT!
- Where have you been?
- But I don’t do it all the time!
HOW TO GET OUT OF BEING BLAMED FOR ANYTHING
You, too, can make fools of others by blowing the smoke of confusing rhetoric around the communicator table to confuse matters AND mess with minds. So Mr. or Ms. Rebel, do you now know how to talk your way out of any noose you find hung around your neck? Use these “bad communication rules” to get out of being blamed for anything:
- Don’t be honest.
- Don’t make a commitment that you plan to keep.
- Set a crisis fire or set off an explosion to distract attention away from changes you need to make.
- Holler loud and proud…disrespect others…throw your unhealthy anger around like a heavy-weight.
- And be sure to go for the emotional jugular!
GOING FOR THE EMOTIONAL JUGULAR
After all, they had it coming, didn’t they? Gosh knows it’s not your fault. You didn’t mean to…you didn’t intend to…but if you did intend to you didn’t mean to harm anyone even when they were hurt by your actions or inactions.
You deserve to delight in the power of positive communication to leave your resentments, rejections and unsolved problems behind in the rearview mirror of your life as you travel down the two-way communicator highway. Sure, you may get blamed by another driver every now and then BUT you won’t run out of gas or loving passion!
Dr. Dennis O’Grady provides executive coaching and professional training in Ohio and surrounding states. Dennis is the author of “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone” which is available in the resource store at his Web site www.drogrady.com. Dr. O’Grady leads workshops, and provides business consulting, about two new communicator types called Empathizers and Instigators. Let’s take “playing by the rules” as a fun example. Empathizers or E-types expect others to make the rules, while Instigators or I-types expect others to play by the rules they make. Likewise, take “grudge matches or grudge keeping.” E-types daily wipe their slate clean which can create co-dependency, while I-types keep accounting records of rights vs. wrongs that can lead into a co-dependency. Knowing who you’re talking to in the workplace or family space by communicator type and temperament, makes all the difference in the “mood” in your workplace or relationships and the “effectiveness” of your management team.