Are you a woman who negatively talks to her “inner-personal self” about how chicken men are nowadays to make emotional commitments to women who are gorgeous inside and out? Whoa…go easy. Talking negatively about untrustworthy men inside your skull (or out loud with gal pals) can attract the very type of man you don’t need or want in your life. It’s easy to tell if a man is “ambivalent” about having “a serious relationship” with a good woman. Isn’t it?
THE “COMMITMENT AMBIVALENCE” RED FLAG
It doesn’t take a fancy 100 question interview to determine if a man is open to loving and being loved in a mature way. Well then how? ONE HUGE relationship red flag will wave in front of your face when a man fears or avoids making an emotional commitment to you. It’s nothing personal. Most of us guys simply aren’t much interested in lies, deceit and control…it takes too much work.
Here’s what makes a man or any person “afraid” of commitment and thus untrustworthy:
- People (men or women) who blame others for their life mistakes aren’t trustworthy.
- People (men or women) who don’t blame others for their life mistakes are trustworthy.
- People (men or women) who change a situation instead of trying to change a person are more trustworthy.
- People (men or women) who don’t keep their word aren’t trustworthy.
- People (men or women) who don’t keep it simple aren’t trustworthy.
- People (men or women) who have “mommy” or “daddy” hang-ups aren’t trustworthy.
WATCH OUT FOR THE LAME BLAMER
If a potential partner is a “lame blamer,” then you will be blamed for your partner’s inadequacy or unwillingness to make a commitment. Carrying that blame makes it difficult to stick through the tough times every loving couple travels to over time.
WHAT COMPRISES HEALTHY COMMITMENT TO A POSITIVE RELATIONSHIP?
Do you blame guys for your relationship goofs, mistakes, blunders or failures? Of course you don’t! Let’s talk positively for a change of pace. You’ve got nothing to worry about when it comes to finding the love of your life.
1. LET’S TALK. Serious talks aren’t opposed or feared
2. BE HONEST. Honesty at all times…white lies are still lies
3. TRUE LOVE. True love…not true love of the benefit package
4. PROBLEMS SOLVED. Problem-solving…what works is used and what doesn’t work is discontinued
5. RAUCOUS SEX. Enjoying raucous sex…private sexual thrills are promoted
6. PERSONAL GROWTH. Growing together…change is embraced not feared
7. OPTIMISTIC. The “glass is full to overflowing” attitude…focusing on partner strengths instead of critiques
8. GOD-LOVING. Centering of self in the higher layers of life
9. FAIR PLAY. Fairness…fair and rational “fighting” is used that doesn’t include paybacks
10. RESPONSE-ABILITY. Negative lectures or guilt trips aren’t used to bludgeon a partner into compliance
11. TALKING POSITIVELY. Anxieties are largely corrected first inside the skull of the individual by using positive talk tools
12. TALK TO A KID TODAY. Kid-focused…children are seen as emotional relationships, not difficult projects
13. PET LOVERS. Likes pets…a friendly attitude toward pets and “talking with” the family pet
14. ASSERTIVE. Leader…is a positive leader of own life
TRUE LOVE VS. LOVING WHAT SOMEONE CAN DO FOR YOU
Commitment talk and true commitment hinge on trustworthiness. For a change, consider matching with a communicator type exactly like your own. If you’re an Empathizer…date trustworthy like-minded Empathizer communicators. If you’re an Instigator…date trustworthy like-minded Instigator communicators.That’s not so hard, is it?
Dr. Dennis O’Grady has frequently been seen talking to his dog, Sierra, so he definitely fits some of the criteria needed for a positive relationship. He usually talks to the pooch positively, assertively and with true love, which covers at least four more qualities. He’s the author of “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Alone With Anyone” and founder of New Insights Communication in Dayton, OH.