Intense emotions have a life and a mind of their own in the comforting world of relationships. Like it or not: Strong emotions often dictate the outcome of problems in relationships or at work. In my clinical research, Instigator-type communicators take pride in putting their strong mind over errant emotions. In contrast, Empathizer-type communicators take pride in processing rampant emotions to guide tough life changes. Either way, there is a time and season for everything…including when to pay attention to emotions and when to ignore them.
NEW INSIGHTS COMMUNICATION POLL: WHAT IS THE TOUGHEST EMOTION YOU WRESTLE WITH?
What emotions lead your talk parade today? What rough-and-tough emotions do you wrestle with that affect what you say and do…or more importantly what you don’t say or don’t do that is good for you? What emotions determine whether you and I talk positively or speak negatively? Here are the results (in descending order) of the New Insights Communication poll offered recently at drogrady.com:
#1: Anxiety … 32.00%
#2: Guilt … 20.00%
#3: Loneliness … 16.00%
#4: Anger … 12.00%
#5: Depression … 12.00%
#6: Insecurity … 8.00%
COMMUNICATION NOISE
Emotions are the “noise” in the background of any communication that causes mishearing and misspeaking. If the emotions are “loud enough or “noisy” enough, you can get a headache and have difficulty deciphering the message…the core message will be drowned out in all the roar. According to this survey, ANXIETY is the most common emotion you will feel…followed my GUILT…and then LONELINESS.
MY-BAD
Perhaps that’s why the witty saying “My-Bad” is gaining popularity. My point: Combined, these are all VERY powerful (even toxic) emotions that when unprocessed, can wreak havoc with your home and work life. And please know: I am not making excuses for your irresponsible actions because your feelings aren’t bigger than your ability to manage them. I’m just saying that emotions make people SPEAK the negative and DO the negative, repetitively. That is, until we decide to change for the better.
ANXIETY GENERATOR
Do you generate anxiety? If you feel guilty for having hard times or having it so good, you will generate anxiety and leave people feeling put off or ticked off after you deal intimately with them. How do people feel after they come in contact with you? Better off, or worse off? For example, do you go about your day in an “I’ve got to hurry up because my back is up against the wall and everybody is expecting me to get it all done for them yesterday and I just want the world to stop so I can get off and…”?
WHY NOT BUMP UP YOUR MOOD TO THE POSITIVE FOR A CHANGE OF PACE TODAY?
Freedom is around the corner when you realize that YOU are the generator of much of your own anxiety-anger-guilt-blue cycle because of the way you talk to YOU. Actually, that’s why I wrote “Taking the Fear Out of Changing” and “Talk to Me.” I heard from my clients that fear/anxiety/worry/dread/ruminating/fretting/etc. were running their life shows and determining their destinies. Not any fun. Why not bump up your mood to the positive for a change of pace today?
BENEFITS OF THE “TALK TO ME” APPROACH TO YOU AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP COMMUNICATION
I suppose some people just want to be uptight and not enjoy life, but I don’t think that’s very saintly. That’s all I can figure when the approach to feel better fast is at your fingertips in my third book, “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone,” for less than the price of a dinner for two. Hey, if you want to suffer…the world is your oyster. But if you want to be as happy (mostly) as a clam at high tide, then check out the benefits my clients have told me they receive from using my talk system:
1. Energy improves…“Where does he/she get all his/her energy?”
2. Mood bumps up to the positive…“Nothing much seems to get you down for very long!”
3. Self-inflicted worry and anxiety declines…“Why run yourself in circles or beat your head against a wall?”
4. Enjoying…“They really seem to enjoy people from all walks of life!”
5. The light bulb turns on effect…“My relationships no longer derail me from doing what’s good for me.”
6. Impossible people don’t make you reel…“Difficult people are no longer so difficult!”
7. Improved problem-solving…“I let go of relationship or work situations that aren’t working.”
8. Talking positively to self…“I have a far better inner-personal relationship with my self.”
9. Optimistic attitude…“I have more vitality, less depressive thinking, irritations don’t ruin my day.”
COMMUNICATE POSITIVELY AND EFFECTIVELY…BE THE LEADER OF YOUR OWN LIFE
You may not be able to control what other people say or do to you. You may not be able to advise people to adopt the life changes you recommend to make their life better and more relaxed. You may not be able to make people stop swimming in an Olympic-size pool of pity and psychodrama or melodrama. But you can talk positively to yourself in encouraging ways when all Heaven is ready to break loose. What have you got to lose? Only a bad mood driven by a hurricane of emotions that will rip your attention away from doing what works to achieve your heart-felt goals. The choice is yours…now…more than ever before with the new talk technology.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady tends to prefer swimming (or scuba diving) in an Olympic-sized swimming pool of positive communication and effective relationships that are satisfying and fulfilling (and fun, like the pool!). He’s also founder of New Insights Communication and author of “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone.”
Previous New Insights Communication polls have included “Are You An Optimistic Driver On The Two-Way Communication Highway?” … “The Elephant Stampede” … “What Makes A Good Leader Great?” … “Does Your Attitude Work To Make You A Better Leader?” … “What’s Up With Your Confidence Level?” … “When You Argue, Are You Always Right?” … “Are You Shy or Stuck Up?”… “How Do You Handle Anger?”…“Are Men or Women Better Communicators?” “How Easily Are You Frustrated?”