Normal folks know that touch isn’t supposed to hurt but help. There’s something comforting and validating about appropriate adult-to-adult touch of a genuine nature…it says more than words can say sometimes. It’s not a crime to touch people in caring and positive ways that are meant to foster relationship connection vs. disconnection…especially when we tire of the struggle of solving problems that come one after the other. Will you shy away from warm appropriate touch because of all the “hands off” messages most of us are receiving today?
DO EMPATHIZER COMMUNICATORS TOUCH MORE OFTEN THAN INSTIGATOR COMMUNICATORS?
Do people touch differently based on their communicator type? Yes, they do, Frodo! Empathizers (E-types) use touch to display affection…while Instigators (I-types) use touch to restore order. E-types touch as a way of saying, “I care about you as a person.” I-types touch as way of saying, “I believe you can do it.” Either way, non-verbal touch sends a powerful and positive message when used effectively and comfortably to energize relationships vs. manipulate people.
THE POSITIVE TALK OF TOUCH
Here’s my list for you and yours to focus on the remarkable healing powers of “touch talk” that wise communicators DO so well without realizing it:
1. SHAKE HANDS WITH FEELING. Pay attention to the next hand you grab … feel the warmth of the soul that resides in that skin.
2. TENDER TOUCH. When you finish a business meeting with someone little or big… just lightly touch the persons’ forearm as you smile wide and say adieu.
3. DON’T ACT AGGRAVATED WHEN YOUR PARTNER HUGS YOU. Better yet…go over and hug your partner compassionately…your partner won’t end up in the emergency room from shock, will he/she?
4. DRAG A COMB ACROSS YOUR HEAD? Make this a “be kind to my face” day when you go about grooming…comb your hair with sincere appreciation for having any hair at all to comb and shave with a little long, lost empathy added in.
5. SLAP A BACK. Slap a back out of sheer joy for knowing someone you feel close enough to do just that…not as a power statement of rank you Instigator (I-type) communicators!
6. TOUCH-O-MATIC. Let me state the obvious now: Stop making touch(ing) or not touch(ing) an automatic reflex that is meaningless.
7. LONELINESS. Do you concur with me that the depth or lack of emotional appreciation in our interpersonal world is SO deep and profound that a little touching works wonders?
8. INTERACTIONAL PHYSIOEMOTIONAL INTIMACY. I just thought such a “brainy” sentence sounded really good (Hi, my dear I-types!) but the rule is that physical closeness begets emotional connection which forms a circle of growing emotional closeness…and so on. Scooby, dooby-do. Sexual intimacy is of a different ilk altogether.
9. THE EMOTIONAL RACK. Couples who don’t talk…couples who don’t touch…couples who don’t feel close…couples who don’t engage in sexual interplay…couples who are dulled by all work and no play…are stretched on an emotional rack and drying out and dying inside. Why should that include you?
10. USE VOICE TONE TOUCH. Leave voice mails that reach through the lines and “touch” the listener with a good feeling or a smile or a simple chuckle. You can do it!
PLANET TOUCH
We’re all pretty lonely, anxious and scared on Planet Touch. I know I am and I’ve got it all! Sometimes, a simple touch confirms what we all need to know, namely, that we aren’t ALL alone and lost in an overwhelming world of emotions that we want to run away from and use anything as an escape. But are you touched, or what? Make conscious touch a part of your life today.
TALK TO ME
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the grate-full author of a proven new communication theory found only in “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone.” Dennis is a husband, father, communications coach and a guy who can’t stop talking about the art of talking.