It’s truly amazing how reliably you and I can get ourselves all riled up with nowhere useful to go! With all the mental work we put into feeling rotten and feeling bad, you’d think a person could die of a positive attitude.
Fat chance. No one has ever died of a positive attitude that I know of. But I DO know that focusing on a rotten attitude can make a downhill slide even slippier, or a downward cycle even more dizzying.
WHEN AT FIRST YOU DON’T SUCCEED, TRY, TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT
Juicing up your attitude is possible IF you’d like to. All you need is four minutes a day to use this basic change rule: “When at first you don’t succeed, try, try something DIFFERENT!” Four minutes a day to keep your attitude UP. What have you got to lose? You make time for whatever is important to you.
Here are six simple ways to keep your attitude UP when you feel knocked down and facing dreadful odds:
1. Fear NOT!
Change Rules: Fear (or any negative emotion) is a state of mind that you can feed or starve. Feeling at ease in your skin develops from the confidence that comes when you starve your fear and focus on hope and positive emotions instead.
Example: Post a sign on your computer screen that says: “There is nothing to fear…including fear itself!” Or “I may NOT be flawless BUT I am fearless!”2. Change experts don’t look a gift horse in the mouth and then pull its teeth.
Change Rules: Look for and listen to “gold” advice (no matter what its source) that you can mine to succeed, especially when you are feeling frustrated or hopeless.
Example: Accept pearls of wisdom by jotting them down in a “Bright Ideas” file. You’ll be surprised how quickly your deposits multiply in interest.3. Go the extra (S)mile.
Change Rules: Go the extra mile and smile sincerely at everyone you come into contact with. Smiling sends the message to your inner mind (and outer world) that you’re open to change…you like people…you have confidence in life…and you strive to like yourself even when you feel cut down. By smiling, you live in a worry-free present moment in which “Change Happens!”
Example: When you feel control has been lost, simply act as if you’re a positive person. Don’t know how? Read a book or Internet site on change management, anger (stress) education or communication skills for four minutes TODAY.4. Dare to CARE.
Change Rules: Dare to give a care. Dare to care about YOU. Dare to care about others who care about YOU. Dare to care about yourself when you can’t keep yourself from self-doubting, self-cutting, self-downing, self-frowning or self-fuming. Angering or badgering yourself isn’t useful.
Example: Practice doing what works. Title your e-mail messages to both emphasize the positive and delete the negative, such as: “Procrastinate NOW!” “Keep your nose to the grin(d)stone!” “When at first you don’t succeed…do something different!”5. Be a lighthouse beacon of positive energy.
Change Rules: Be a beacon of positive energy during foggy times so the ship of your dreams won’t crash against sharp rocks of resentment. Ineffectively shutting down talks, deflating a good mood, erecting a resentment wall to hide behind, or feeling chronically upset all of the time means you’re picking up and carrying anger baggage that doesn’t belong to you.
Example: Close off your energy to negative people who are suckling off your caring energy, by saying in-loud to yourself: “IT’S NOT MY STUFF!”6. Avoid “IT made me do IT!” cynicism.
Change Rules: Do not absorb the negative energy of cynical contrarians. If you do, your chances to excel at the change race will be cut off at the knees.
Example: Use reverse psychology. Change your “IT MADE ME…” passive language into more assertive “I CHOOSE…” language. Ready or not, here comes change: Turn around “IT gets me down!” to “I get myself down!” Likewise, “IT’s just not fair!” becomes “I’m not fair!” Feel the empowering difference?
THE SHAME-AND-BLAME GAME IS LAME
Playing the shame-and-blame game is an inhibiting force because when you play, you adopt the negative opinions of someone else who’s dropping guilt bombs on you. Your feelings don’t have to have the final say about your day. Not without your consent.
Talk UP to yourself when you feel down…or at any time. It won’t kill you!
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a Clinical Professor at the Wright State University School of Professional Psychology and a communications keynote speaker and relationship coach from Dayton, Ohio. Dennis is the author of Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone.