Don’t tell me to worry less when I’m worrying up a mental storm. The best person to calm me down at those times is ME, BUT I can leave myself high and dry on self-encouragement when I’m in panic-me mode. Case in point: When traveling recently to join a positive group of leaders and their spouses for a “celebration event,” I worried myself non-stop. “What IF my flight is cancelled? What IF my suitcase is lost? What IF my books don’t arrive on time? What IF I catch a cold? What IF my kids need me? What IF I bomb doing what I love, what then?” See? Worrisome thoughts follow some of us constantly, whether times are plush or tight.
WHAT IF BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO ME THAT I CAN’T CONTROL?
When I’m struggling with “What IF?” thoughts, I’m usually miserable and feel out of control. I feel helpless, unable to do something different. I scold myself because, after all, I’ve been able to break the worry habit a thousand times before. And even though deep down I’ve got nothing to worry about, there I go worrying myself again. So what does a “communications guru” like me try to say positively inside my skull when the negative voice debates and glibly contradicts my own self to make me worry more:
“Nothing bad is going to happen, buster. Oh yeah? Who really knows? Then why do they call it ‘the unknown,’ buddy?”
“Why worry? You’ve done this a thousand times before! Yeah, that’s true BUT this time could be different and something could go seriously wrong!”
“C’mon…stop the worrying already! You can’t stop worrying, dude, because you were born to be a worry wart. You say it yourself…smart people worry more.”
“Remember what you’ve been taught: When you calm down you lose control (and) when I relax I feel guilty.”
“I just worry too much. Ditto to the above. I’ve got to give you credit…you are one of the world’s greatest worriers and I respect you for that. Nothing’s going to catch you off guard.”
“BUT everybody else worries too much, too. Well, yeah, but you don’t have to live in their skin. Can’t you feel your heart pumping hard, the gastric juices sloshing around in your gut, your tempo keeping beat to the worry rap? You’re not like everybody else because you can’t get a grip when you want to.”
“Hey, I’ve got nothing to worry about. Well, yeah, but you can’t control the universe and you know bad things happen to good people like you. Sure, you can handle embarrassing failure, BUT do you want to?”
“What’s the worst thing that could happen? Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m talking about here…lots of weird stuff can happen and you’ve been around long enough to know what I’m talking about. Do ya’ know what I mean?”
“This is getting SO embarrassing how uptight I’m getting and making myself feel. Yeah, I told you so! I told you that you couldn’t handle being in the unknown all alone. You should worry about what others think of you and how good or bad a communicator you are.”
“I give up…I’m doing this to myself. Well, good for you because you should take responsibility. It (the worry habit) is your fault. Finally, there’s something we both agree on!”
HAVE A LITTLE FAITH IN YOU
Let loose of anxiety caused my thoughts that are torturing and tortuous. After all, they’re like hungry horseflies that are buzzing around your head looking for a brain to suck on. Swat…swat…feeling helpless and closed in? It’s your choice. You can change what you do to become a better you…be the leader of your own internal talk life. You can do it…what have you got to lose but living in a dreaded future or dreadful past?
TIPS THAT ARE BOUND TO WORK WHEN THE HEAT IS ON
Actually, I’ve noticed that when I’m super-uptight, I usually learn or do something useful…such as writing these tips in the middle of the Cincinnati Airport. I learn a little bit more about my personal power, my relationships, how important my daughters are to me…why friends are better than ice cream. Fretting about worrying won’t kill ya’…and it just may make you give birth to a new insight about expressing yourself more positively. Talk tips to relax today:
1. STOP LEAP-FROGGING TIME ZONES. This is my favorite anxiety trick of late. Whatever I’m worrying about, such as public speaking, I focus not only about my next keynote speech but ALL of my upcoming keynotes this year. The anxious mind “Takes it a year at a time instead of a day at a time!”
2. LAY CLAIM TO YOUR SPARKLE. No, you don’t have to sparkle and sizzle with energy every second of every day. But you are very rich, your personality is a gold mine, and you know that you can do what you do with your eyes closed. Anxiety blinds you and shouts orders in your ears that are very disorienting…that’s not your fault.
3. LISTEN TO THE CHIPMUNK CHATTER. Switch to using the television chipmunk voices to squeal about why you don’t know who you are or what you’re about…the high-pitched whining will help you change your mind about yourself instead of getting caught by the cat of anxiety.
4. WHO DO YOU HATE….DO YOU HATE IT? Putting negative energy into frightful thoughts empowers them. Instead of hating yourself or hating the anxious thoughts, count one way you can do something positive for yourself (like meditate or pray) to love yourself while scared.
5. WHO’S MAKING YOU WORRY? When a kid, I howled in laughter at episodes of “The Flip Wilson Show” when he would say: “It wasn’t my fault. The devil made me do IT!” Actually though, worry-more thoughts can be inadvertently “inserted” by a well-meaning parent or partner who worries about the amount of worrying you do.
6. KEEP YOUR CRITICAL PARENT CALVARY FROM LEADING A SELF-MASSACRE. When you feel weak or vulnerable, you will gun yourself down and massacre your self-esteem with the same thoughts/words used to scold you as a child. You can stop the stress massacre by taking sides with you and your positive mind.
7. TAKE IT EASY. Hey, life can be easy and you can change to a channel in your mind with “easy listening.” That’s why I swear by the personal directive: “Change the damn worry record!”
8. FIND A FRIENDLY FACE. Let a friendly new visitor into your life…let someone else make you smile…and relax…let go…you don’t need to have control…you don’t have to be perfect…you can be the relaxed you.
9. NO ONE IS PERFECT ALL THE TIME. When you demand yourself to be perfect…your worries will escalate and your fears exaggerate. Being the perfect thinker, the perfect talker, have the perfect mind, use the perfect emotions ain’t worth it…so thank your lucky stars that you’re a human being who is in process of becoming a more compassionate human being…and remind yourself that NO ONE is perfect all the time. Ever.
10. OFFER YOUR (A)WARES. Often, you can help others from the terrible experiences that made you feel like your world is coming to an end or you’re going to be eaten alive by stress alligators, when in fact you’re honing what (a)wares you will later share with others who need you.
11. THINK UNHAPPY THOUGHTS TO CHEER YOURSELF UP. To deal with anxiety, think of a time when you felt like you “lost it all” and came out of the experience better than ever and your zebra stripes changed for the better. This will have the reverse effect of worrying more…you will worry less.
12. YOU WILL SURVIVE. Talking to yourself kindly is a generous act that you probably don’t deserve but is worth trying anyway. You will survive anxious times…you will thrive during anxious times…you will succeed during anxious times…you will be more genuine during anxious times when you become a comforting friend to yourself during stressful times.
13. GIVE YOURSELF A PEACE OF YOUR OWN MIND. Laughing at yourself is a bit tricky when you’re uptight. Giving yourself a piece of your mind…now that’s pretty habitual. Giving yourself “peace of mind” is more powerful.
Well, that’s lucky 13 ways to let go of holding onto anxiety when your life feels deep in the unknown and you are scared.
SLOW DOWN…YOUR THOUGHTS…THEY MOVE TOO FAST
How are you and I supposed to slow down from worrying too much? One thing I know about me is that when I worry, I’m having the time of my life! How so? I’m living on the cutting edge of the people universe where nothing is guaranteed to anyone and everyone must handle whatever comes up with dignity and aplomb. Wanna “what if?” What IF good things happen to you?!
Dr. Dennis O’Grady, after stressing out on the way to the above-mentioned trip, finally got a grip, used a few pieces of his own advice and ended up having a wonderfully, marvelous, fun time, which just goes to prove that EVERYONE, even the so-called “experts,” always are in a position to learn a thing or two about living well and living fully. He’s founder of New Insights Communication and author of the newly published “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone.”