Same song, different day? “Same old sh**…just a different day!” is a crass way to express this cross sentiment: “I let my negative attitude be in the driver’s seat, and drive away with my mood, and drive people away from me to boot.” A person with a bad attitude isn’t aware that his or her bad attitude is the stink in the room that makes everyone’s nose sorry to be in the business of smelling.
WHAT MAKES YOUR ATTITUDE STINK TO HIGH HEAVEN?
A person with a negative attitude doesn’t think of him- or herself as being negative at all, much less too negative for the good of your relationship. Here are communication instances of “negatalking” that are instant energy drainers and mood downers.
1. IT’S NOT MY JOB. A negative attitude that rationalizes being lazy and fearful of going the extra (s)mile.
2. I DIDN’T GET TO IT. Preferring procrastination to productivity. Inwardly smiling when someone gets exasperated who was needing your help.
3. I EXPECTED MORE FROM YOU. Blaming another person for refusing to do what you typically don’t gladly do.
4. I DON’T HAVE TIME TO TALK RIGHT NOW. Skipping out of the town of Talk because you are too important and too busy to find time right now to.
5. WHY CAN’T YOU THINK OF THE GOOD STUFF? Making someone feel bad about feeling bad. Kicking someone who is in the middle of being angry at the self.
6. WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO CHANGE WHEN YOU DON’T? Forgetting about good personal changes you are wise to make, because your nemesis unwisely prohibits making personal changes.
7. WHY DON’T YOU CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE? Declaring that changing one’s attitude or mood altitude is as easy as snapping your fingers to adjust your in-flight course.
8. WHY CAN’T YOU JUST FORGET ABOUT IT? Verbally punishing someone for failing to forget what was done to them that they didn’t like then or now.
9. YOU’VE GOT TO TAKE BETTER CARE OF YOURSELF. This is a one-up put-down of the personal struggle of another who is trying to manage a mood without resorting to compulsive use of yelling, alcohol, overwork or a obsessively negative attitude.
10. YOU’RE THINKING TOO MUCH. Translated, this means that you aren’t thinking the way I want you to think, so I am uncomfortable with your “free thinking style” that leads to anarchy and mayhem.
11. YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT I’M SAYING. This is an accusation that you can’t understand the musings of really intelligent people who comprehend all.
12. NOW, I’M NOT BRAGGING BUT… This is the beginning of a boring string of braggart statements that indiciate a person has a supersized ego and excessive self-esteem.
13. WHY DO YOU SHOOT YOURSELF IN THE FOOT? O.K. you’ve got me here. You may have shot yourself in the foot, but did this speaker give you the loaded gun to do the dirty deed?
14. YOUR TRYING TO TAKE THE EASY WAY OUT. Shoot, just getting out of a relationship with a difficult person is really hard work and can take years.
15. YOU’RE OBSESSED. What’s wrong being obsessed with the truth, and for standing up for non-hurtful emotional honesty in relationships, for God’s sake?
16. YOU’VE GOT TO DO BETTER THAN THAT. If you’re a difficult person people pleaser, “You’ve got to do better!” will really make you a goat on a rope who’s humping hard to please.
17. WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO OVER-REACT? You could as easily say, “Why do you always have to under-react? If you react more…I’ll react less.”
18. NOTHING MAKES YOU HAPPY. Now that’s the truth. No-thing makes you happy because you are the only one who can make yourself happy. And you make yourself happy by being you in spite of all the pressures trying to twist you into a human pretzel.
19. YOU CAN’T WIN FOR LOSING. Well, you win sometimes, lose sometimes and break even much of the time but that has nothing to do with feeling like a self-respecting winner.
Are you among the in-group of died-in-the-wool super-realists who can’t be taken in by the utter foolishness and mindless frolic of optimists? Bully for you!
YOUR ATTITUDE IS YOUR JOB
Now in my experience as a keynote speaker and professional psychologist, positive people really do feel sappy and crappy. In fact, being mind- and heart-open means you get hurt far more deeply and completely…and the same goes for love. But I know that you have a positive place of compassionate understanding in your heart for YOU, too.
- Your attitude is your job because …
- You have time for whatever you consider important to do…
- You get around to all things important…
- You expect little of others and most from yourself…
- You are trustworthy and believable and caring…
- You freely change what isn’t working for you…
- You follow through on your promises…
- You daily change your attitude from negative to positive…
- You are taking better care of yourself as we speak…
- You don’t worry too much about nothin’…
- You think plenty of the good stuff to get your happy back…
- You forget about people and painful situations you can’t change…
- You deeply understand and comprehend what other people are saying…
- You have common sense and uncommon wisdom…
- You’re thinking and feeling in just the right amounts…
- You don’t play with loaded guns much less shoot yourself in the foot…
- You keep it simple and don’t eschew taking an easy street to travel to your destination…
- You’re obsessed with improving your communication skills…
- You are responsive instead of reactive…
- You respect yourself and others equally.
WHEN THE BATTERY IN YOUR COMMUNICATOR CAR NEEDS RECHARGING
As a great communicator, you realize that the positive attitude battery in your communicator car needs to be recharged when times are tough and fear makes you feel wound tight. Especially when you turn the ignition over and your car doesn’t start…talk positively to yourself using the positive affirmations above.
ABOUT DR. DENNIS O’GRADY
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a keynote speaker, professional psychologist, father of three daughters, President-Elect of the Dayton Psychological Association, Clinical Professor at the Wright State School of Professional Psychology, executive coach and relationship counselor and author of “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone.”