Question from Tom B. for this doctor psychologist: “When I try to use a positive mental attitude and get a lack of results for my efforts, it leads to a negative mental attitude. For example, if you tell a skier to think positively and don’t fear falling, and the skier then breaks a leg in an accident on the mountain, what then? Do you really think the hurt person can keep using the power of a positive attitude? Or if you pray for a person, and then they die…how does the pray-er then view prayer itself? If results are not there, people will blame anyone outside of themselves to ease the pain. When negative words work, we will use them, because we’re only human. You have some of the best stuff on the net, I can tell you are a pro. So what do you think? I read tons of BS and really enjoy your articles!”
WHY USE A GOOD COMMUNICATION STYLE…AND TALK POSITIVELY IF IT DOESN’T WORK?
Why NOT use a positive communication style? Harder, yes; impossibly silly or ridiculous, NO. Tom B., who wrote the above challenging question, read your mind my dear reader, didn’t he? Sure, a positive attitude won’t kill ya’…but what good does it really ever do when the chips are down and your mood has been flipped around? Much less break a leg when you’re tryin’ to step out? Come on all you positive typesters: Isn’t it skill more than luck, thick skin better than sensitive feelings, who you know more than how you demonstrate who you are? What about results…results…results for gosh sakes!
SHOWING YOU CARE FOR YOURSELF EVEN WHEN YOU THINK IT’S STUPID TO USE A POSITIVE ATTITUDE IF YOU MIGHT BREAK A LEG
So why use a positive communication style with your inner self…much less anyone else?
1. PMA, or positive mental attitude, is a term I first came to know about through the writings and teachings of Napolean Hill, who is the author of, “Think and Grow Rich.”
2. PMA is a faith-filled attempt to exert some positive mental control over bad tidings and errant emotions that drag you down and keep you there.
3. The primary purpose of a positive attitude is to restore faith when all hope has been lost.
4. The ultimate test of a positive attitude is to act kindly, compassionately and hope-filled when there is no logical reason whatsoever to do so. You act on “what if things could get better” faith.
5. Bad things happen to good people whether or not a positive attitude is being used.
6. A positive attitude isn’t some kind of insurance policy that keeps painful life happenings from happening to you and yours.
7. When bad things happen, what good does it do to adopt a negative attitude in order to wall the self off from feeling hurt? You are already feeling hurt, the question is how you are going to be in your life with hurt.
8. In my experience, positive people are better able to be “response-able” and effectively handle emotions that are both shiny like gold and dreary like rust…and let go of trying to control others, including God.
9. Emotions are dualities or opposites. Thus, even happiness can be negative or sorrow can be positive…what a mind-bender and life-changer. Thinking realistically and accurately is the best thinking of all?
10. All emotions are a two-sided coin. We can’t just have the positive or “sunny” side of emotions without the “darker” or “flip side” of emotions. Positive people are courageous because they feel whatever they do without throwing their emotions around for others to work through.
11. True love and compassion comes from navigating tricky emotions without harm coming to anyone in a “we all win or none of us wins” fashion.
12. “Stuffing feelings” is a form of “inversion” that keeps your personal power stuck inside of you to rot away. You must not be intimidated to speak out expressing who you are!
13. Being friends with yourself means you behave in constructive ways when your feelings are encouraging you to fight unfairly or pursue some other self-defeating or destructive behavior.
15. Friendliness, self-caring, taking care of yourself, compassion in relationships means you must be on pretty-friendly terms with your emotions.
Well, Tom, I have more to say but I’ve got a client who just came in for an appointment.
ABOUT KEYNOTE SPEAKER AND COMMUNICATIONS EXPERT AND PSYCHOLOGIST DR. DENNIS O’GRADY
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the father of three daughters and husband, all of whom hail from Dayton, Ohio, USA. O’Grady is a keynote speaker, business consultant and the author of the new positive and effective communication system to put into today what you are going to put off tomorrow. Dr. O’Grady’s relationship and mood management approach is called “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone.” Dennis’ book is available at this site and at Amazon.