Imagine a conversation between a teen and a parent that goes as follows. Teen says: “Why do you always have to be right?” Parent responds: “I don’t always have to be right!” Teen: “Yes, you do…it has to be your way or the highway.” Parent: “No, I don’t…we can agree to disagree and not fight about it.” Teen: “But if I don’t tell you what you want to hear, you get all mad and stop talking to me.” Parent: “Shut up! That’s not true…let’s not talk about this anymore.” Teen: “So I should just shut up, eh?” Parent: “Don’t talk to me in that tone of voice.”
THE COMPASS OF GOOD COMMUNICATION
If you can’t ever be wrong, you can’t ever learn anything new that would prove VERY useful to your troubled relationships. The ability to stand back and self-reflect is a core communication skill, one that serves as a “compass of good communication.” It isn’t about “right vs. wrong,” as many mind-suckers and spirit-warpers would have you believe. It’s about what does and doesn’t work to promote peace and goodwill toward all communicators in the family. Tragically, if you can’t get along with yourself, you will have fights that are always “the fault” of everyone else.
TURN THE TIDE OF YOUR NEXT FIGHT FIASCO
Here are core beliefs that tough-minded I-type communicators use to feel right about being right. I recommend that all E-type communicators adopt these during intense relationship disputes when the heat is turned up and you know your instincts are true as true North.
1. I DON’T HAVE TO KNOW EVERYTHING
2. I’M NOT AFRAID OF CHANGE BECAUSE CHANGE IS MY MIDDLE NAME
3. PEOPLE WHO ALWAYS THINK THEY’RE IN THE RIGHT ARE WRONG
4. YOU CAN’T MAKE ME FEEL BAD UNLESS I THINK ABOUT IT
5. I DON’T HAVE TO BE NERVOUS ABOUT BEING IN THE WRONG
6. I DON’T NEED TO BE FORGIVING
7. I DON’T HAVE TO BE PERFECT
8. WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO GET ALONG WITH EVERYONE?
9. I DON’T HAVE TO BE NICE WHEN I’M SHOVED AROUND
10. I DON’T HAVE TO THINK WHATEVER I’M TOLD TO
Shucks, you don’t have to know everything.
THINK YOUR OWN THOUGHTS FOR A CHANGE TODAY
Here are a few effective ways to think about being “right” or being “wrong”:
- I don’t have to think what I’m told to
- I don’t have to be right when it costs me peace in my relationships
- If you can’t stand back and think about yourself–all you will end up thinking about is yourself
- The push to be right surely causes most conflicts
Why do you all-ways have to be right? Well, you don’t. You don’t have to have the last word to feel in control. Getting the last laugh isn’t very funny! Do step back, and take a good, long look at yourself. You don’t have to twist yourself into a human pretzel any longer.
PULLING OUT ALL THE EMOTIONAL CARDS: EMPATHIZERS VS. THE INSTIGATORS
Now about your talk type: Empathizer-type communicators (E-types) go along to get along and doubt if they’re in the right. Instigator-type communicators (I-types) don’t go along to get along and rarely doubt if they’re in the wrong. An Achilles Heel of Empathizers is that they feel they must get along with everyone all the time, no matter how unreasonable everyone is being at the time. On the other hand, Instigators may not bend when doing so opens new doors and windows of change.
IF YOU HAVE TO KNOW EVERYTHING, YOU CAN’T LEARN ANYTHING
Check out my reasoning why you have every reason to relax and enjoy not needing to be a “know-it-all” and a “do-it-little”:
- If you have to know everything, you can’t ever be wrong.
- If you can’t ever be wrong, you can’t ever learn anything new.
- If you can’t learn anything new, you can’t change.
- If you can’t change, you can let go of what isn’t working, and grab hold of what works better.
- If you can’t solve problems, then your problems keep repeating over and over again while you criticize yourself for not getting past the past.
This logic is killin’ me!
YOU DON’T HAVE TO GET ALONG WITH EVERYONE ALL THE TIME
Being right or wrong isn’t what life is about. Life is about being able to take an honest look at yourself, improve your weaknesses, and hone your strengths as you come on home. DO admit to being wrong…it won’t kill you. In fact, it will show you have faith and confidence in the forces of life that keep us growing and changing in spite of all the odds against us.
ABOUT PROFESSIONAL PSYCHOLOGIST AND SPEAKER DR. DENNIS O’GRADY
Dennis O’Grady is a professional keynote speaker and psychologist and author of three books, the latest which is “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone.” O’Grady believes that if you are an I-type, you can argue until you get your way which will waylay many of your most valuable relationships. In contrast, if you are an E-type, you may be so afraid of conflict that you don’t stick to a good point long enough to get your way. Believe what you want, but communicator differences DO make a whale of a difference in the way you live, learn and love. Do you know your type and what type of talk your type prefers? And why do we fear the unknown so much? Why do we all fear not knowing the answer…of not knowing what next will come to pass…of not knowing what next response will keep us in the seat of control? It’s just a human being thing!