There is a freedom that comes from being a “know-it-little.” It is the freedom to make a mistake, fix a mistake, change what isn’t working and do more of what works wonders to become the valedictorian of your own life class. Are you at the head of the class of first-class communicators? The “freedom to learn” is the “big dream” of the person who was born to do big things. The “need to be right” is the “little delusion” of the little person with a little closed mind playing Mr. or Ms. Big Shot.
PEOPLE WHO KNOW-IT-ALL DON’T KNOW ANYTHING AT ALL
People who know-it-all don’t know anything at all. Habit #3 of highly effective communicators is to “be a know-it-little” because it makes you “listen up” and be “open-minded” to learning new things. It helps you “receive creative solutions” to stale old problems that have flummoxed you for eons. Here’s my logic about why being consciously “ignorant” is freeing:
- If you always have to be right, you can’t ever be wrong.
- If you can’t be wrong, you can’t admit to making mistakes.
- If you can’t be curious about the mistakes you make, you can’t change anything.
- If you can’t change anything, your past mistakes are repeated and re-created in the present day.
Needing “to be right” instead of “get the results you’ve promised” gets you stuck in a going-nowhere life of worry, dread and dastardly deeds run amok.
COMMUNICATION FREEDOM OR COMMUNICATION DETOURS?
Producing results, whether negative or positive, is what traveling on the two-way communication highway is all about. “Communication freedom” comes from the freedom to admit when you’re lost, and stop to ask for directions. Here is why and how detours are mentally taken:
1. I’m not good at accepting responsibility for my mistakes.
2. My first reaction is that somebody else is to blame, not me.
3. Every time I do something wrong, it’s spun around into “I’m the victim here so it’s not my fault!”
4. The reality I never want to accept is that I made a bad decision and am stupid.
5. When I only look at the short term, I make poor decisions that produce frustrating results in the long term.
6. If there is a problem, it’s always your issue.
7. What YOU think is so, ain’t necessarily so.
8. Why penalize me? I’m not going to do it again.
9. Things always work out pretty good for me.
10. I get off on a tangent that’s not relevant.
11. I’m so busy I don’t have time for my relationships, because I need to decompress on the weekends.
12. I don’t allow others to make me feel bad for what I didn’t have any control over and couldn’t help.
13. I dread talking about it and getting down.
14. I don’t have to fix a problem that isn’t my fault.
15. If I dislike a person’s attitude, I don’t have to listen to him or her.
Now that’s a fine kettle of fish. With this type of “It’s not my fault” communication disorder, it’s a wonder that we ever talk at all about how to change what isn’t working. Well, perhaps we can now!
SO SAY IT LOUD AND PROUD … “I’M HAPPY TO BE A KNOW-IT-LITTLE!”
Be a know-it-little. Yup, you got that right. Feel free to be dumb, real dumb. No, don’t play dumb so you can’t be blamed for something that’s gone wrong. Freedom comes from knowing what you don’t know…and being willing to improve yourself a little each day to be a better you.
I COULDN’T HELP IT
“I couldn’t help it because…!” is an excuse. Life isn’t about right vs. wrong, it’s about producing results that are positive or negative for you and yours. When you know everything, you don’t have to be curious about the unknown, and find novel ways to fix problems.
SICK THINKING
Sick thinking: IF you tell me what I want to hear, I will reward me. IF you agree with me, I will like you. IF I act confident, I will be popular. IF you disagree with me, you should change my mind. IF I play it safe, I won’t get into trouble. IF I don’t have to ask for outside help, I don’t sound ignorant.
FREEDUMB: THE FREEDOM TO FEEL DUMB
The freedom to feel dumb without chastising yourself, or “freedumb” as I’ve humorously nicknamed it, is at the heart of the freedom to learn. The freedom to learn opens up positive possibilities of change. Do you feel free to be in the “learner’s role” in learning to drive your communicator car, or are you “the adult supervisor” who is a know-it-all?
ALWAYS BEING RIGHT IS THE WRONG WAY TO DRIVE ON THE TWO-WAY COMMUNICATOR HIGHWAY…A LITTLE MORE ABOUT DAYTON, OHIO, PSYCHOLOGIST AND AUTHOR DR. DENNIS O’GRADY
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a professional psychologist and keynote speaker who is a change-me-first advocate. O’Grady contends that doing MORE of what doesn’t work is hard-headed and uneducated. Instead, his advice is to “dream big” about changing what doesn’t make you happy. Your head loses when you bang it against a hard wall, so does his, that’s why Dr. O’Grady wrote “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone.” He had the “freedumb” to inquire why everyone seemed depressed about not being able to get their real message heard. As a doctoral-level psychologist with 30-plus years of experience, O’Grady is beginning to learn a little more about what good communication is all about. Join him. Take up your “communication freedom” to be dumb without feeling shamed-faced about getting a little better at the art of communication every day. Doing more of what doesn’t work–simply doesn’t work any more. Don’t be part of that popular group of people who know-it-all…but don’t know anything at all. Refuse to hold tight unto an anchor while complaining about drowning. Start doing your thinking for a change. Stop allowing others to write their messages in your mind. Become the leader of your own life.
Believe YOU, it’s true!
ABOUT KEYNOTE SPEAKER, BUSINESS CONSULTANT, RELATIONSHIP COACH, SEMINAR LEADER DR. DENNIS O’GRADY
Dr. Dennis O’Grady knows you will love what happens when you use the habits of highly effective communicators to have highly positive and productive relationships. His research has involved the two communicator types that talk to you from four typical places. Know who you’re talking to by type, and with a little practice, you will be talking more effectively to everyone you come into contact with. O’Grady’s book “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone” is available at his Web site and at Amazon. You no longer can afford being a poor communicator!