Most people say “Happy New Year!” only once a year. How about planning to celebrate the saying “Have a New Day…Happy or Not!” every day of the year for a change? A maxim is a pithy statement that seeks to catch a general truth and hold it in your awareness. Catchy sayings just might catch your resistant mind off guard enough to permit positive changes to happen to you and yours every day of every year for the rest of your life.
THE GRASS IS GREENER WHERE YOU TAKE CARE OF IT
Here are some of my all-time favorite one-liners from my change agent book called Taking the Fear Out of Changing. They explain why I am glad to be a student of change and why I love to play in the grown-up game of ever-changing life:
Change Maxim #1: The grass is always greener on the side of the fence that you take care of.
Change Happens: “The grass is greener on the other side of the fence” is a prime example of negativistic thinking. The past wasn’t glorious nor will the future be fantastic when the present goes unwrapped. Negative thoughts just unravel your self-esteem and prevent you from changing.Change Maxim #2: A mind is a terrible thing to misplace.
Change Happens: Who’s minding your mind? Are you allowing your mind to fill up lazily with dreams or fears that won’t ever take flight on the wings of positive actions? It’s up to you to take your mind off of faithless fantasies of dread and worry.Change Maxim #3: The need to be right will make you wrong.
Change Happens: “I’m right and you’re wrong!” is a loveless power play. “I can’t hurt your feelings by what I say or do!” is a half-truth. “If you change then I’ll feel happy!” is emotional blackmail of the slickest kind.Change Maxim #4: Revenge is sweet and fattening.
Change Happens: Ghandi had 20/20 vision when he implored, “Taking an eye for an eye will just make the whole world blind.” Accurate, timely and specific negative feedback does foster growth. Few of us know how to give such helpful feedback.Change Maxim #5: When blame stops, change starts.
Change Happens: Trying to get ahead by blaming others puts you behind. Change means learning. It means the ability to learn lessons as quickly as you can. Otherwise, your self-esteem sinks, your loving relationships turn to war, or your heartfelt aspirations for success burn so faintly that you can’t recover.Change Maxim #6: If something is worth doing, it’s worth doing imperfectly.
Change Happens: “If it’s worth doing it’s worth doing well!” is actually a critique that will keep you too shy to try something new. Also, “You can’t teach old dogs new tricks!” is another type of tricky excuse that discourages you from changing or trying something new for fear of failure. Refuse to remain a victim of perfectionism. Learn something new from every frustrating situation. (You really CAN learn from mistakes!)Change Maxim #7: Complaining doesn’t give change a chance.
Change Happens: All I am saying…is give change a chance. Complain only to find new creative solutions to old stale problems. Don’t use complaining to backbite, gossip or drag someone’s good name through the mud of envy. Complaining isn’t changing.Change Maxim #8: “I reserve the right to drive myself crazy.”
Change Happens: “You drive me crazy!” is an accusation that teaches others to push the buttons that make you steam. No one can constantly play with your mind, without your permission and complicity. Flush the pity pot by saying: “I reserve the right to drive myself crazy.”Change Maxim #9: Why worry? Nothing bad’s going to happen anyway.
Change Happens: Worn out with worry? Why keep playing old worry records that have lots of needle scratches? After all, worry won’t make you feel safer, care more, change faster or help others stop driving you nuts. Why worry? Nothing bad’s really going to happen anyway.Change Maxim #10: What goes around comes around, including positive and negative paybacks.
Change Happens: Use positive beliefs to make your fears smaller and your self-esteem larger. Do you make it a point to pass around positive voice mails or e-mails? Do you accept compliments as easily as you give them? Do you remind yourself that you are a good enough person instead of believing you are a bad apple in the orchard of life?Change Maxim #11: Learn to flow with the stresses you can’t control.
Change Happens: Don’t stand in the middle of a fast-moving river and push against the current. If you do, you’ll wear out quickly. Set positive goals, grab a paddle and a canoe, and travel to new change places. The unknown isn’t SO scary…it’s simply uncomfortable for a while.Change Maxim #12: Self-esteem means learning to love, and loving to learn.
Change Happens: Being a winner means staying in a learning mode. Do you learn from unexpected sources? For instance, do you treat others and yourself as kindly as your cat or dog treats you? Pets provide us pesky humans with unconditional love, no matter the crummy mood we bring home to them at the end of our day.Change Maxim #13: “I’m putting off procrastinating today!”
Change Happens: “Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?” is a seductive flirtation for a go-nowhere life. Why not do what’s difficult first, and save the easy for last? Pursuing positive actions when you’re feeling negative, or taking positive action in spite of fear, is one of the miracles of successful living.Change Maxim #14: Keep going forward when you feel utterly hopeless.
Change Happens: To overcome the fear of failure, you must keep going forward when you feel utterly hopeless. Positive communicators are optimistic drivers on a two-way communication highway-their way is only one way among many to travel. Permit yourself to focus all your energies on just one goal at a time.Change Maxim #15: Do get mad, and do get even…get mad and get even by changing.
Change Happens: Use your own “gold” advice to grow on. Refuse to let go of love by behaving in hateful ways. Correct your weaknesses instead of defending them for all eternity. Why give your previous failures the power to predict your future?
I CAN TOO CHANGE
Dr. Nathaniel Branden said, “If there is any such thing as a universal evil or sin, it is the words: ‘I can’t change’.”
ARE YOU A STUDENT OF CHANGE?
You and I are students of change, aren’t we? Master the five stages and five fears of change to make your life new today. Take action before you are totally ready. Choose to feel successful when you try something new. Keep your eyes open to new opportunities.
Let us all give change a chance in 2006…and beyond!
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a professional keynote speaker and communications psychology coach from Dayton, Ohio, and the author of TALK TO ME: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone.