“I don’t feel like talking about it!” is a cement roadblock erected on the communication highway when temperatures are rising. How are you supposed to talk to a partner who doesn’t want to talk? Someone who prefers to suffer in silence? Very carefully! If you push a person too hard to talk, he or she may back off and give you the silent treatment. If you don’t explore talking at all, valuable talk topics will be dead on arrival.
THE PURPOSE OF GOOD COMMUNICATION
The purpose of good communication is to be able to walk a mile in the moccasins of your fellow traveler on the two-way communication highway, a journey that leads to personal growth, interpersonal closeness and relationship peace. Bad communication is akin to playing blindman’s buff…a mindgame in which one person, blindfolded and confused, tries to catch and identify one of the other players. “Truth lite” clouds the truth and demotes good communication.
IF YOU DON’T TALK ABOUT IT … IT DOESN’T EXIST?
“If you don’t talk about it, it doesn’t exist!” is mentally confusing communication. Confusing communication is the same as a driver education teacher blindfolding a student and telling him or her to drive…then yelling about the driving mistakes made. It just doesn’t add up or make sense, and you have to try too hard to be happy, and feel like a loser or failure.
A MARRIAGE ON THE ROCKS?
If you don’t talk about problems, the problems get worse, and come back to bite you. How to know when your marriage or a relationship is in a state of disrepair, one in which you give up yourself to meet expectations:
1. Not following through on promises
2. Use of brazen, impudent, boldfaced lies
3. Inability to share basic life viewpoints
4. Lack of intimacy
5. Debating that yields no fruit because it is fruitless
6. Avoidance
7. Constant disagreements
8. Perpetual “I can’t take it!” frustrations
9. Emotional isolation
10. “It’s your problem not mine!” blame-gaming
11. Hiding the truth from friends and family
12. Beating up on self
13. Biggest strengths are core problems brainwashing
Is your marriage on the rocks? Do you have a legal marriage instead of a positive relationship? If you can’t talk productively, problems escalate.
I DON’T FEEL LIKE TALKING ABOUT IT BECAUSE IT’S YOUR PROBLEM NOT MINE!
“It’s all your problem not mine!” is the ultimate plea of interpersonal innocence and shrugging off accountability for actions. Instead of a multiple personality disorder, it’s a “multiple lies disorder,” beginning with the belief that denial isn’t ever destructive. “It’s not my fault so I don’t have to change anything about me!” doesn’t follow the golden rule of the communication highway that says we all are 50% co-responsible for the outcome of any communication in marriage or a business relationship.
ABOUT PROFESSIONAL SPEAKER AND RELATIONSHIP PSYCHOLOGIST DR. DENNIS O’GRADY
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the author of “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone.” O’Grady’s new communication system will show you how to talk in the language of your partner, child or business customer to create win-win problem-solving communication strategies. “A Beginner’s Guide to Communication” is freely available to study on Dr. O’Grady’s CommTools blog.