ANNOYING PEOPLE
Recently, Good Housekeeping writer Denise Foley interviewed me about how to talk back to annoying people in assertive ways. The tricky part: Talking back to an annoying person can cause conflict and can engender hard, stuffed-in feelings that result in cutting off the relationship. “I don’t have to take it, I want to give it back!” as a way of venting doesn’t work either. Getting the last laugh isn’t very funny, although that’s what all hurting people would like to do.
I’D LIKE TO GIVE HIM OR HER A PIECE OF MY MIND
Ah, how we all fantasize aggressively about “If I could have just given them a good piece of my mind, why I’d…!” Well, when your mind is fixated on fixing an annoying person, you’re draining your OWN energy? Trying harder to change someone than he or she is willing to change him- or herself, is akin to running over a bed of nails in your communicator car. As you tire loses air, your life energy goes out of you and your mood and dreams for peace of mind flatten like, well, flat tires.
WOMEN ANNOYING WOMEN
These examples are experienced by women talking to other women in “I win when you lose!” competitive ways. The O’Grady Change Maxims which follow are what I use as a psychologist to kindly remind myself to be response-able instead of over-reactive.
1. THE ONE-UPPER. If you got a $5,000 raise, she got a $10,000 raise. Her theme song is “Everything you can do, I can do better.”
Go Talk To Yourself: Trying to get even or be one-up, puts you behind.
2. THE BUBBLE-BURSTER. She’s always pointing out problems with any plan: “Really, you want to visit Paris? Do you have enough vacation days? How are you going to afford that?”Go Talk To Yourself: No one can drive you up a wall without your consent.
3. THE SHRINK. You’ve barely met the woman and she’s already giving you personal advice based on what she learned in Psych 101 ten years ago.
Go Talk To Yourself: Psychocritiquing is practicing psychology without a license.
4. THE KNOW-IT-ALL. Whatever you say, she’ll correct you six times before you’re through, even on topics you know about and she doesn’t.
Go Talk To Yourself: A know-it-all knows next to little or nothing. I’m a know-it-little to keep open the lines of communication.
5. THE SNOB. With her, it’s a tone thing. For example, your rich friend says, “How nice you got such a deal at Costco. Personally, I can’t take the crowds, but that’s just me.”
Go Talk To Yourself: Anyone who hands you a manure sandwich and tells you it’s bologna, that person is full of baloney.
6. THE EEYORE. She’s always under a dark cloud and unless you steer clear, her rain will soak you, too. Negative attention is what she lives for.
Go Talk To Yourself: I don’t have to dance to the tune of anyone’s victim fiddle.
TALK GAMES ARE ANNOYING AND MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE A GOAT ON A ROPE
You can keep your cool when the heat is on. Actually, what an annoying person thinks of you and your life choices are none of your business. A jerk just wants to jerk you around, sap your energy and make you frown. Basically, a jerk is into controlling your mind and emotions by handing you what they are too afraid to look at. My Change Maxims are pithy reminders that your energy is in your control, some of the time, like right now.
THE INNER JERK: KEEPING YOUR COOL WHEN THE HEAT IS ON
Who are you allowing to practice psychology on your mind without a license? Once I’m upset, I try to take a step back, and talk to myself in caring ways that give me some breathing room from my bad habit of “knee-jerk, me-jerk” reacting. Why feel furious and hurt over and over again? Why let yourself be led around like a goat on a rope by jerks? People talk like jerks. The “Inner Jerk” is a shame-and-blame twisted twit who breaks off good communication before it has a chance to get rolling. So get a good laugh or chuckle as you loosen the noose around your neck by poor communicators.
READ ALL ABOUT PROFESSIONAL KEYNOTE SPEAKER AND RELATIONSHIP COUNSELOR DR. DENNIS O’GRADY
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the father of three daughters, husband and communications psychologist who is licensed to practice psychology AND licensed to drive on the two-way communicator highway. If you would like driving instructions on how to keep your mood up around annoying and difficult people who want to feed off your energy like a vampire bat…then read “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone.” Who annoys Dr. O’Grady the most of all people alive on the planet? Why Dennis annoys himself most of all, of course, and sometimes allows you to.