Do you emit a silent groan whenever you hear a positive person who smiles like a Cheshire cat quip: “Now, don’t let it get ya’ down. After all, anything is possible!” As you know, your attitude is either pessimistic, realistic or optimistic at any given time. Likewise, you know that a bad attitude doesn’t necessarily make bad things happen to you and yours. And a good attitude doesn’t automatically make good things happen in your life. You aren’t superstitious because you’re sticking with the scientific facts, right? Yeah, and that’s why I wear my “lucky tie” whenever I’m doing a big speaking gig!
TALKING UP TO YOURSELF WHEN YOU FEEL DOWN
In a recent New Insights survey, I asked my readers what made them feel good in a pinch. The question was: “What’s really important to you in your daily life, especially when the chips are down, and you’re feeling like a moron?” Let’s do it by the numbers, shall we?
1. TALKING POSITIVELY TO MYSELF IN CARING WAYS ………75.00%
2. HEARING POSITIVE FEEDBACK FROM OTHERS …………. 18.75%
3. PERSUADING OTHERS TO MY POINT OF VIEW ………. 6.25%
The power of positive communication is the courage to be nice to yourself when you feel discouraged, which is an I-type or Instigator-type communicator strength. Point short: Being nice to yourself when you don’t much feel up to it.
TALKING POSITIVELY…FOR A CHANGE
“Talk to Me” Chapter 5 is called “Positive Talks.” Therein I declare a case for speaking positively to yourself as much as possible, since you are engaged in inner-personal or “intrapersonal communication” 82% of the time. But talking to yourself is particularly tricky and slippery when you are in a “bad mood.” Usually, instead of thinking “Geez, anything is possible!”, you are more prone to thinking “Man, I feel like I’m slogging through thick mud or wet concrete up to my knees and I’m tiring fast and going down.” BUT ANYWAY (Hey, Ri!) you aren’t going down, much less staying down. You’re getting on down the two-way communicator highway, after you make a brief pit stop at a scenic rest area, using my “positive and effective” talk system.
CHANGE THE WORRY STATION
If you’re busy blaming someone, you are busy chattering away to yourself in energetic ways that drain you of positive energy. I know, I know. I can’t help myself plenty of times, too. What to do then, when you can’t get a negative thought or emotion from going around or around in your brain? Well, you observe the feeling and face it. You don’t just “tune in” to the tough times. You “change the channel.” You change the channel of the music station first by listening to what you’re hearing, what you are thinking about the lines of the song, and what you’re feeling as you’re absorbing the tune. Then, if you must, you change the channel or turn the radio station off completely. Stare out the window. Look at the blue sky. Start seeing things in color instead of in black and white.
WHEN YOU FEEL BAD YOU ARE STILL GOOD
You don’t need to be a great communicator because being a “good enough” communicator is a good deal. Presently, your goal is to start changing your communication habits so that you can care for yourself when you have no energy and no reason to. Four minutes a day is all it takes to get a good grip on communicating with yourself when you feel like whale dung floating on the lowest bottom of the dirtiest ocean.
ABOUT PROFESSIONAL SPEAKER, AUTHOR AND COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DR. DENNIS O’GRADY
Dennis E. O’Grady, Psy.D. is no stranger to singing the blues without beating himself up or down, running into communication roadblocks but finding a way around them, pulling out the map or stopping and asking for directions instead of staying lost on the Communication Highway, and worrying less about “Are we there, yet?!” and more about “What are we doing and saying here?!”… but most of all O’Grady is glad to be the father of three interesting daughters who is also the inventer and developer of the “Eureka! It works!!” “Keep it simple!” communications system that even works when you use it just four minutes a day, called “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone.” Anything is possible. Even getting along better with yourself when you can’t stand being with YOU.
LINKS FOR PREVIOUS NEW INSIGHTS COMMUNICATION POLLS
People Who Don’t Get Along … What Makes A Person So Difficult To Get Along With … Personality Clashes or Communication Crashes? … “What’s The Toughest Emotion You Wrestle With?” … “Are You An Optimistic Driver On The Two-Way Communication Highway?” … “The Elephant Stampede” … “What Makes A Good Leader Great?” … “Does Your Attitude Work To Make You A Better Leader?” … “What’s Up With Your Confidence Level?” … “When You Argue, Are You Always Right?” … “Are You Shy or Stuck Up?”… “How Do You Handle Anger?”…“Are Men or Women Better Communicators?” “How Easily Are You Frustrated?”