Bad communication is a result of unnecessary roadblocks that are erected on the two-way communication highway. Inattentive communication can cause you to feel like a wreck. Unexpected roadblocks can send you into a ditch. Can’t we all just get along and get where we need and want to go? Yes, in fact, in a recent “Effective Leadership Communication” seminar that I led for human resource managers in Dayton, Ohio, Empathizer and Instigator communicators felt pretty much the same way, but for different reasons. Is your company “studying and analyzing” what turns weak or bad communication into something more positive? Good move.
GROUP BRAINSTORMING THE “TALK TO ME” WAY
I split up our group of 100 managers by their communicator type. On the left side of the room were about 60 Empathizer or E-type communicators. On the right side of the room, were 40 Instigator or I-type communicators. Each small group of same-type communicators came up with their own answer to the question: “What’s the biggest roadblock to good communication?” (Before you read down the list, come up with your own answer to this very important question).
EMPATHIZER VIEWPOINT OF ROADBLOCKS TO POSITIVE COMMUNICATION
1. PERSONAL EMOTIONS. E-types correctly see that anxiety, the blues, boredom and other personally occupying emotions can disrupt open talking. Emotions can be like a noisy radio turned up way too loud.
2. NOT LISTENING. E-types correctly observe that the inability to listen, or to correctly hear what is being said, is the same as trying to drive a car without tires.
3. CLOSE-MINDEDNESS. E-types shut down and stop talking when their ideas are received with blank stares or aggressive counter-arguments.
4. NEGATIVITY. E-types are intimidated by strongly voiced opinions that “seem logically right in spite of what my gut tells me.”
5. IDEA KILLERS. E-types believe that all ideas should be put out on the communication table and given a fair hearing before a decision is made.
6. INTERRUPTIVE OVER-TALKING. E-types know that “communication interruptus” creates incomplete communication; it stifles all team members’ best solutions from being efficiently implemented.
7. EGO. E-types are too unselfish and humble. When big egos are on parade, they get quiet or back off.
8. LACK OF CONFIDENCE. E-types are overly impressed with managers who talk confidently; they’re prone to doubting their own best ideas.
9. MISUNDERSTANDING. E-types don’t want to rock the boat, and are shy to insist that new actions happen now.
So, that’s what compassionate Empathizer communicators feel are the biggest roadblocks to good communication today on the two-way communicator highway. And what do Instigators think?
INSTIGATOR VIEWPOINT OF ROADBLOCKS TO POSITIVE COMMUNICATION
1. PERSONAL BELIEFS. I-types say holding onto preconceived ideas impedes your ability to listen cooperatively, and causes inattentive or careless talking, much like taking your eyes off the road while driving.
2. NOT LISTENING. I-types correctly observe that when others can “see the vision” held in their minds, there is a greater chance that this map will be used for the long communication journey ahead.
3. NOT COMMUNICATING. I-types know that speakers are discouraged from speaking up again if listeners are not able to repeat verbatim what was said or do not demonstrate an understanding of the speaker’s comments.
4. FAILURE TO USE TWO-WAY TALKS. I-types are intimidated by uncontrolled emotions; they view “negativity” as one-way communication fraught with bad feelings, communication that won’t allow for co-equal and fair discussions.
5. CREATING A DISCONNECT. I-types believe that good ideas are killed off when there is a relationship disconnect or dictatorship.
6. MULTI-TASKING. I-types believe that “multi-tasking” disrupts careful listening that aids the strategic decision-making process, because multi-tasking interrupts careful listening, learning and sorting through difficult data.
7. BLOCKED COMMUNICATION. I-types vow to use a two-way communication system, because they know one-way talks are unstable over the long haul, much like running on fumes in an empty gas tank.
8. DISTORTED INFORMATION. I-types are afraid of distorted information; they also don’t like “impression management” that is designed to make someone believe as you do and overlook what you have done.
9. STUCK SPINNING YOUR WHEELS IN RUT OF A MISUNDERSTANDING. I-types don’t mind rocking the boat. They believe that leading somewhere is better than being nowhere.
So, that’s what passionate I-types view as the leading causes for communication breakdowns, or a failure to communicate, that makes everyone feel like a failure.
THE WHOLE BRAIN OF THE BALANCED COMMUNICATOR
Together, E- and I-types make a “whole brain” that includes a high Emotional I.Q. and a high Logical I.Q. “Adopting the strengths” of your opposite communicator type, leads to a synergy that makes everyone check the box of, “My manager is a good communicator.”
ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST AND KEYNOTE SPEAKER DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady consults with corporations and business leaders and managers who desire to improve their communication to improve their results. He pioneered the “Talk to Me” communication system, and author of three books, the latest “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone.” Dr. O’Grady gratefully acknowledges the McGohan Brabender team for hosting this state-of-the-art “Effective Leadership Communication” seminar for Human Resource managers and leaders in the Dayton region.