Have you ever slowed down and gawked at a messy traffic accident to see what all the fuss and commotion was about? Was it a fender bender or a bone cruncher? Gruesome…. Oh, how we human beings are fascinated by destructive accidents. Often, we think to ourselves, “I’m sorry it had to happen to you…but sure glad it wasn’t me.” I’m an optimist: although misery loves company, most times your talk accidents are preventable by following simple rules of good talk.
RULES TO AVOID OR TO DRIVE AROUND TALK ACCIDENTS
Do you follow good communication rules that keep the relationship traffic flowing smoothly? Do you abide by rules so that all drivers are free of hard feelings, expensive repairs or emotional meltdowns? Much misery on the Communication Highway could be avoided by consistently using these simple rules for safe driving:
1. Don’t drive faster when your emotions are hot. When you are angry and blame-filled, it’s time to slow down, step or sit back instead of looking behind your back, and take a good look around at what’s coming up in front of you.
2. Don’t hammer a passenger with hard talk. When you justify, rationalize or spin the truth to make a point, you will lose your way on the talk highway.
3. Don’t stay in a trance. When you stare blankly out the window in a trance, you might run into something you don’t want to, since “justifying is hypnotizing.”
4. Don’t react to intimidating threats. When you get mad at someone who is acting badly, you must get that person out of your mind, and stay in the driver’s seat to stay sane.
5. Don’t curse yourself (or others) under your breath. When all you can control is your own integrity, keep both hands on the steering wheel. You won’t regret it later.
6. Don’t tell white lies to look favorable in others’ eyes. When you bend the rules, are you the person you say you are? Will your story be believed by a traffic cop who pulls you over?
7. Don’t expect anyone else to change but you. When you expect others to change, you are forgetting about yourself and your own needs…the only factors over which you have control.
8. Don’t fear negative feedback. When you need to have your ego stroked, you won’t be able to hear suggestions that are smart alternatives to being stuck in a traffic jam.
9. Don’t break good communication driving rules. When you lose your common sense, you will forget that your greatest wealth is being true to yourself, and being a true friend to others.
PRETTY WORDS ARE EMPTY WITHOUT THE PLENTITUDE OF POSITIVE ACTIONS
Now, you may object to my negativity, or counter with, “…using DONT’S vs. DO’S creates foggy driving conditions instead of clearing the way ahead for good talk.” Here are the corresponding optimistic DO’S:
- Do slow down when your emotions are hot.
- Do listen more than you pontificate or lecture.
- Do be aware of your self and your surroundings at all times.
- Do respond to others instead of using “knee-jerk-me-jerk” reactions.
- Do be nurturing to yourself and others when stressed out.
- Do use your character values as your compass.
- Do be a good friend to others when you are prone to trying too hard to save face by being right.
- Do expect yourself to change and grow on a daily basis.
- Do hear negative feedback that resolves pesky problems that haunt you.
- Do follow good communication driving rules, even when you don’t want to.
DO YOU SPEED UP WHEN YOU SHOULD SLOW DOWN BECAUSE YOU’RE MOVING TOO FAST?
Is it hard work just to talk to you? Do you feel drained by a Nega-talker — who is spouting the rhetorical party line — and avoiding the rigors of personal change projects? Do your co-communicators have to chase you down to feel close to you? It’s up to you to be approachable, available, and open to good talk that steers you around talk accidents and dead end alleys that disrupt really good relationships.
ABOUT DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the author of three books, professional keynote speaker, corporate trainer and developer of the “Talk to Me” communication system that improves strategic decision making and encourages everyone to be a better communicator. Dennis is founder of New Insights Communication, a Dayton, Ohio based company that specializes in honing leadership skills for the betterment of teams, families and companies. Read the “let’s all talk” textbook that will change your communication viewpoint forever, called: “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone” available at this site and on Amazon.