You hear many soothing things when your mother dies. “She’s in a better place.” “She lived a long and happy life.” “Now she can be an angel to you, your brother and many others.” My favorite came from a Christian man named Billy, who strapped the lifeless body of my mother to the gurney sometime after midnight, to take her to The Good Earth Crematory. “You only have one mother, Denny, you only get one of those!” said Billy. “And don’t you guys be worried, I am a Christian, and I will take care of her like she was my own mom.”
A LETTER OF LOVE TO MY MOTHER
What attitudes, good and bad, have you inherited from your mom? While cleaning out Mom’s apartment the day after her death, I came across this letter, which I sent to Mom in November, 2003.
Hi Mom:
I’ve enclosed an article by Mary McCarty called “You only get one mother.” It makes me think how irreplaceable, how unique a human being you are. Mom, you are a beautiful source of ever-loving inspiration to me…an abundant spring of strength!
So, I believe it’s high time to exhort the values you inspired me to take on:
Of STRENGTH: To stay strong even when I feel weak and unconfident that sureness will ever come again.
Of UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD: To cease holding any court of judgment over another man’s actions, emotions, or decisions, and instead focus on improving my own life.
Of BROTHERLY LOVE: To give my best…my all…my strongest energies, to keep life lasting and positive loving bonds strong between me and my brother, Al.
Of DETERMINATION: To do a job well against any odds, simply because that’s the right work ethic by which to live.
Of SENSIBILITY: To pick my wars carefully. I won’t fight just to prove a point or to make someone else’s point wrong.
Of FAMILY: To choose to love my dear wife, and to protect the inner child of my children from the insults of a wicked world.
Of BLUNT HONESTY: To acknowledge the bitter and the sweet sides to life without shirking this bittersweet reality.
Of CHARITY: To share money that I have been blessed to earn, with those who walk in less fortunate shoes.
Of HUMOR: To laugh when I am happy, cry when I am sad, speak softly when I am vulnerable, and be the first to laugh at my own quirkiness.
Of GOOD CHEER: To face the new day optimistically, refusing to hide in the shadows of self-despair.
Of KEPT PROMISES: To make my word as good as gold, doing what I’ve promised to do in a timely manner.
Of HEALTHY SKEPTICISM: To steer clear of the false prophet called fear, which will steal my peace of mind and then sell me trouble I don’t want or need.
Of HONOR: Honor my most honorable parents, who offered me new solutions to old problems at unexpected times in life.
Of MYSTICAL SPIRITUALITY: To open my mind and seek wisdom from alternative sources of wellness, such as astrology and positive psychology.
Of ROOTS: To value ancestry, Irish culture, and elders as a font of wisdom and celebration.
Of FREEDOM: To make up my own mind and base my life on my own dreams, instead of going along with another’s mindset that could create my worst nightmare. Perhaps this is the most valuable lesson you taught me….
Thank you for holding me in your heart during the good times, and more importantly during the not-so-good times, Ma. It is because of your steadfast faith and love, Mom, that I can be who I am.
Always, My Ever-Lasting Love…Your boy, Denny.
WHO’S DENNIS O’GRADY
Dennis E. O’Grady, Psy.D., is the author of Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone. Talk to Me is dedicated to Elizabeth Merrill O’Grady. Dennis is a loving father, husband, son and brother who believes now that “Death is Gentle.” Dr. O’Grady is a corporate trainer and keynote speaker, whom you can reach at www.drogrady.com. Billy Tompkins and Karin Tompkins can be reached at tompkins@ij.net or on the Web at GoodEarthCrematory.com.