My mother, Betty Merrill O’Grady, passed away gracefully on April 15th. My latest book, “Talk to Me,” is dedicated to Mom and the values for which she stood. Mom passed away peacefully, with few or no regrets, as I sat stroking her beautiful face and chatting with her about all the places she would go and see. She had spent the last two weeks of her life filling the ears of all who came near her with tidings of unconditional love and thankfulness.
As you know, people who are dying pass on their cherished possessions and life lessons to their loved ones. Mom made certain to gift me with a brightly painted hand-carved mallard duck. I remember that duck always sitting calmly on my childhood fireplace. Nestled in its back were long stick matches to start a fire, from the logs I would carry in from the woodpile in the dead of a Michigan winter. Why did Mom want me to have that stupid duck? Now I must confess, I would often unmercifully tease Mom about a great many things. Maybe this was her way to exact motherly revenge!
Anyway, some days after Mom passed away, and my older brother and I tied up loose ends, Al dropped me off at the Sarasota airport. So there I was, passing through the security zone, carrying that wooden duck the size of a Fenton football under my arm. I couldn’t just jam it into my suitcase! And under my other arm was a Cinderella rubber ball that my frail 86-year-old Mom would bat back-and-forth with my youngest daughter, Kasey, then 10. I must have been quite a sight to security personnel with my swollen eyes, big odd-fitting grin, loose grief lips, melting face and stupid wooden duck in tow! Oh well, after I turned 50 I decided I could drop off all the Joe Cool stuff.
There I stood ready to be searched. Rolling around in my brain like a BB in a gun barrel was “Why the duck Mom?” “O.K., Mom, why give me the flippin’ duck?” As a psychologist, I was flummoxed by the sage question “What symbol does the duck carry with it?” And “What implied message is Mom trying to send me and asking for me to hear and pass along?” Hey, you can’t ever escape from being a psychologist, you know!
The light soon would be turned on. The gentle-faced security screener joked, “I’ve never seen a wooden mallard duck carried though security before. Is it special?” Then I unashamedly blurted out the whole story of my mom’s passing (how I hadn’t been away from my kids this long before, and my clients were all really understanding of my need to rearrange appointments, AND…) to this kind, silver-haired fellow.
He shot back, “Gosh, I know what the message might be from your mom.”
I played along, “You do? What do you suppose Mom’s trying to tell me?”
“Be like the duck and fly through foul weather!” he said warmly with a wry twinkle in his lively eyes.
What a wonderful message: “Be like a duck and fly through foul weather.” When you are in a swamp of grief … be like a duck. When your tears are falling like a rainstorm … be like a duck. When you feel lost and lonely … be like the duck. When the winds of change are blowing hurricane force–Fly on.
It’s been 24 days since Mom “changed neighborhoods.” Early this morning when I got out of my car in my office parking lot, a bright mallard duck was streaking through the purplish-pinkish sky adorned with a May half-moon as a soothing backdrop for my troubled brain.
“Hey, Mom! You’re such a sweetie!!” I heartily laughed. “I’m trying to shape up and fly right like a duck!”
Then I cried.
I guess even ducks cry sometimes.
ABOUT THE PIONEER WORK OF TALK TO ME
To all of us mourning our losses and moving on: “Be like the duck and fly through fowl weather!” I always loved playing word games with my mom. Happy Mother’s Day Elizabeth Merrill O’Grady. I know you’re enjoying your flights and sights. Of all the people I know, I’m sure you’re surrounded by 100,000 angels who sometimes take on the appearance of ducks.
ABOUT DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.
The deeper underlying psychological theory of the Talk to Me communication system is based on mother-daughter and mother-son communication vs. miscommunication. Dennis E. O’Grady, Psy.D., is a professional psychologist, beloved second son and younger brother, proud husband and father of three daughters who miss Grandma O’Grady terribly. You are such a sweetie Mom! Fly on your way!
BEST BOOK MARKETING – ONLINE
“Talk to Me” is in the Semi-Finals 2007 Independent Publisher Book Awards in the category of “Best Book Marketing – Online.” The Independent Publisher Book Awards were conceived as a broad-based, unaffiliated awards program open to all members of the independent publishing industry. The awards are intended to bring increased recognition to the thousands of exemplary independent, university, and self-published titles produced each year, and reward those who exhibit the courage, innovation, and creativity to bring about change in the world of publishing. Visit www.independentpublisher.com for continuing Awards coverage.