Are you the same person wherever you go? Do you act the same with whomever you talk? Do you know someone who puts on a good act in public while privately giving family members an angry side, one that might include blistering name-calling, blustery blaming, or brutal psychocritiquing? Well, isn’t that special! Interpersonal insanity is the act of being a completely different person in different situations.
INSANITY IS MESSING UP AND DOING THE SAME THINGS THAT WRECK RELATIONSHIPS OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Perhaps you’re in a relationship with a Slickster or Trickster, one who keeps messing up again and again, and is a genius at inventing reasons why it was a crazy accident caused by you. How to know…?
1. LIES WITHOUT BLINKING AN EYE. An inventor of excuses and broken promises as long as your arm.
2. FLIPS THE SWITCH WHEN CAUGHT. An inventor of the “mad mood” when forced to take accountability for actions that ruin relationships.
3. FOOLS OTHERS. An inventor of the “perfect nice guy or gal persona” who screws things up to mess with your mind.
4. CAN’T CATCH ME. An inventor of the “logical debate” who, if you dare cross him/her, bears down on you like a size 12 shoe on a bug crawling across the sidewalk.
5. CONNIVES AND CONVINCES YOU TO SUPPORT THEM. Inventors of the “you owe it to yourself to look the other way and to take care of me,” seeking handouts that could poke a finger in your eye.
6. FEAR RULES. An inventor of “I’ll punish you without getting caught if you don’t go along with my plans,” that make you fear what could be coming next.
7. SCREWS THINGS UP REPEATEDLY. An inventor of mishaps, mistakes, bloopers and blunders, foul-ups, and the creator of all manner of hard feelings in relationships.
8. DON’T LISTEN, DON’T LEARN. An inventor of Relationship Attention Deficit Disorder, or the closed-mind-that-races-to-an-argument-before-your-point-of-view-is-fully-heard-or-understood syndrome.
9. WEARS YOU DOWN. An inventor of the “logical argument” that bears down on you like a screw in wood, to explain away why what s/he has done really hasn’t hurt you and yours.
10. PROMISES TO CHANGE BUT DOESN’T STICK TO IT. An inventor of the, “I will change” plea, and for a few months, while his or her back is up against the wall change happens, but s/he will return to old ways like a pig in mud.
11. APPEALS TO ALL YOU FIXER TYPES. An inventor appeals to all of you who are “fixers,” those of you who try harder to solve a partner’s problems than s/he ever will.
These are just a few of the “bait, hook, and switch” techniques that the person who drives you up a wall and down, again and again, will use as long as you let them.
FLIP WILSON’S “THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT”
My job isn’t to tell you what to do. My job is to point out to you that the person who drives you nuts is part of a nutty group who drives others nuts without intending to do so. You know who I’m talking about? Inventors who are chameleons and who change colors, depending on with whom they’re talking…you have to have a good reason for what you do, but whatever reason you have isn’t ever good enough…your intimate partner shows his/her “ugly, true side” in private at home with you when no one is watching or listening…the act, always the act, to show people publicly the good guy or gal…put themselves in the middle of psychodrama and then blame others for their situation…are always screwing things up, making you pick up the pieces and clean up the latest mess. In short, a negative person who anxiously claims that the devil of panic “made me do it,” so it’s “not my fault.”
WHY DO YOU CONSTANTLY HAVE TO PICK UP THE BROKEN PIECES OR CLEAN UP RELATIONSHIP MESSES?
You don’t constantly and chronically have to clean up the messes that an adult partner, acting like a child, constantly makes.
WHO’S DENNIS O’GRADY
Dennis E. O’Grady, Psy.D., is the developer of the landmark “Talk to Me” communication system, which systematically and effectively creates positive interpersonal and leadership communication strategies. Dennis provides corporate communication training and keynotes that make top leaders, managers, and the rank-and-file better communicators.