Are You A Sensitive or Insensitive Communicator?

For years, well-meaning relationship pundits have falsely proclaimed (there, I’ve said it!) that men and women are destined to be at odds forever because they use completely different (and semi-incomprehensible) talk languages with one another.

What a bunch of hooey…and I can prove it! Using gender as the reason for poor communication, in my opinion, is a mealy-mouthed excuse that pummels the planet of communication like a meteorite storm, sending all good men and women scurrying for shelter when instead they should be searching for better communication tools.

Tools, I can offer!

Two New Communicator Types: The Empathizers and Instigators

I have discovered two brand new communicator types. You are either an Empathizer communicator (E-type) or an Instigator communicator (I-type).

These communicator styles have nothing to do with your gender, background, age, race, stress coping style, introversion/extroversion personality and the like. The type of communicator you are makes a world of difference in the real world of positive vs. negative communication. You can avoid many divisions and collisions when you understand your talk type and your opposing communicator’s type.

So let’s talk! Are you ready to take a quick test to determine your heretofore hidden communicator type? In the future, would you skillfully like to steer around talk collisions, hard feelings, misunderstandings and relationship power plays between the sexes? Fine, just honestly answer this single simple question:

Are you more sensitive or insensitive? Yes, I tend to be…

If you answered, “Yes, I tend to be a sensitive communicator” to the question above, then chances are you are an Empathizer (E-type) communicator.

If you answered, “Yes, I tend to be more insensitive when it comes to communication,” then chances are you are an Instigator (I-type) communicator.

It matters not if you are a boy or a girl, rich or poor, young or elder. This isn’t some gimmick. I promise you that knowing the type of communicator you are will make a world of difference in helping you get along with anyone through effective communication. Make no mistake about it: You will avoid many feuds and fights when you use this easy-to-learn new theory.
How can you be sure whether you are an Empathizer (E-type) communicator or an Instigator (I-type) communicator?

Just read through the following set of opposing communicator traits to give you a quick “feel” or “mindset” for the two types of players on this talk planet:

1. Empathizer (E-type) communicators: E-types are interpersonally SENSITIVE
Instigator (I-type) communicators: I-types are interpersonally INSENSITIVE

2. Empathizers: E-types drive from their strength of EMPATHY
Instigators: I-types drive from their strength of GENUINENESS

3. Empathizers: Failure and rejection stings E-types…
they have difficulty getting beyond the past
Instigators: Failure and rejection rolls off the back of I-types…
they forget the past and move on

4. Empathizers: When angry or hurt, E-types feel negative and then unexpectedly ACT OUT in negative behaviors
Instigators: When angry or hurt, I-types think negative and then unexpectedly TALK OUT in negative words

5. Empathizers: E-types ding their opposite communicator type (I-types) for being too stubborn and hard-headed
Instigators: I-types ding their opposite communicator type (E-types) for being too soft and wishy-washy

6. Empathizers: E-types listen inclusively with “three” ears, including what’s said non-verbally between the lines of unspoken talk
Instigators: I-types listen selectively with “one” ear with a goal to catch only the top headlines in the Daily Talk news

7. Empathizers: E-types’ Achilles Heel: Can become lost in the fog of feeling down, sad and blue
Instigators: I-types’ Achilles Heel: Can become lost in the fog of impatience, irritation, and anger

8. Empathizers: E-types are relationship experts who are natural-born “people fixers”
Instigators: I-types are strategic experts who are natural-born “problem fixers”

9. Empathizers: E-types struggle with low self-esteem or the glass-is-half-empty negativism
Instigators: I-types suffer from excessive self-esteem or the glass-is-half-full thinking that optimizes the negative

10. Empathizers: When making major life changes, E-types feel deeply about relationship/coping impacts in order to decide
Instigators: When making major life changes, I-types think deeply about career/success impacts in order to decide

11. Empathizers: E-types’ feelings get hurt too easily-too thin-skinned-take things too personally
Instigators: I-types’ feelings don’t get hurt easily enough-too thick-skinned-don’t take things personally enough

12. Empathizers: E-types regret thinking too much before speaking and biting holes in their tongues
Instigators: I-types regret speaking too much before thinking and not biting enough holes in their tongue

13. Empathizers: E-types are prone to pleasing too much or telling you what you want to hear, and then holding grudges
Instigators: I-types are prone to displeasing too much or telling you what you don’t want to hear, and then withholding compliments

14. Empathizers: E-types under severe relationship distress negatively believe: “It’s always your way or the highway!”
Instigators: I-types under severe relationship distress negatively feel: “You’re right. It IS my way or the highway!”

15. Empathizers: An E-types’ secret wish is to be more assertive and speak more bluntly without beating around the bush
Instigators: An I-types’ secret wish is to be less aggressive and speak more diplomatically without beating a dead horse

16. Empathizers: When making personal changes, E-types can benefit enormously from being more INSENSITIVE and not worrying so much about what other people will think or say
Instigators: When making personal changes, I-types can benefit enormously from being more SENSITIVE and thinking more about their own and others’ loving feelings

17. Empathizers: E-types squeezed in a power play will mess with your emotions and make you feel kicked in the gut
Instigators: I-types squeezed in a power play will mess with your mind and make your head spin

18. Empathizers: E-types are natural-born team players with strong intuitive skills to use in the game of life
Instigators: I-types are natural-born leaders with strong personality types to use in the game of life

Statistically, 40% of all people are Empathizer communicators (E-types) while 60% of all people are Instigator communicators (I-types).

Don’t worry if all traits don’t fit you exactly, since one size shoe doesn’t fit all communicators. Just get a feel for the talk pattern for each type.

However, knowing your own communicator type makes two-way positive communication travel on the relationship highway more sane, logical and fun.