Do you ever play the “What IF…” game with a friend, family member or even alone with yourself inside your own skull? I bet you do. You think about what would have happened, what would be different, what would have changed…if only. Why do people play “What IF…?”
PUTTING YOUR MIND OVER YOUR MOOD
They try to put mind over mood. Namely, people try to control nominal anxieties by thinking about them, manipulating them in their minds. Too much thinking, though, forms a downward energy drain or vortex. Think anew about the “What IF…” game this way: “As I worry about my future, I fail to enjoy or experience today my way!”
FEAR ROBS YOU OF A PRICELESS POSSESSION NAMED PEACE OF MIND
Yes, I know, fear is a thief that tries to rob you of a priceless possession named peace of mind. Fear of past hurt, fear of the unknown, fear of failing, fear of not knowing what exactly is going to happen, fear of whether you will be able to cope with stress events or not, even fear of fear makes you lose your way in a stinky emotional swamp that smells bad.
NOTHING TO FEAR, INCLUDING FEAR
What IF…You have nothing to fear-including fear. What if you can feel the fear and relax anyway? Can you put your mind over your mood? Of course, you can.
PLAYING THE “WHAT IF…” GAME
Some wise gal/guy wisdom I recently heard: “The past is a guiding post, not a hitching post!” Here are some ruminatively crooned “What IF…” thoughts that I frequently hear in my coaching and counseling sessions:
1. What IF…?
2. What IF I lose my job?
3. What IF I blow it?
4. What IF I don’t get there on time?
5. What IF I can’t handle it?
6. What IF I can’t get to sleep?
7. What IF I’m wrong?
8. What IF I say the wrong thing?
9. What IF I can’t have what I’ve always wanted?
10. What IF I’m criticized?
11. What IF I make a fool of myself?
12. What IF I/they never change?
13. What IF I can’t recover from the loss?
14. What IF I forget something?
15. What IF I run into somebody I don’t want to see?
16. What IF it doesn’t work out as planned?
17. What IF I hurt their feelings?
18. What IF I can’t get over being so bothered by this?
19. What IF I lose my temper?
20. What IF I they learn of my struggles?
21. What IF I get into trouble?
22. What IF I can’t change?
What are your favorite “What IFS…?” What are the “ifs” that you use to drive yourself nuts (as if you don’t have enough to worry about already?) My main point: “What IFS…” make you unduly fearful of an unknown future that won’t ever turn out the way you think it will be.
GO OUT AND PLAY THE GAME OF LIFE
Why get all long-faced, glum and worried about what might happen to you that you dislike? Let’s go out and play the game of life, instead, and have a little bit of fun for a change while we’re at it.
LETTING GO OF “WHAT IF…”
To relax, try on some new ways of thinking when you are running yourself down and out of energy, mindfulness and playfulness. Here are the previous What IFS turned inside out:
1. What IF I can let go of worry?
2. What IF I gain new skills?
3. What IF I make change happen?
4. What IF I enjoy the ride?
5. What IF I handle the old stress in new ways?
6. What IF I let go and put my mind in pleasant places?
7. What IF I’m right on target?
8. What IF I say something really inspiring?
9. What IF I have what I’ve always wanted and more?
10. What IF I’m complimented and joked with?
11. What IF I feel relaxed and proud of myself?
12. What IF I live a conscious life of continuing growth and change?
13. What IF I can recover quickly from a loss?
14. What IF I don’t worry about what I don’t have?
15. What IF I reach out to people I would like to know better?
16. What IF I try something new and it works out better than planned?
17. What IF I speak up and what I say helps?
18. What IF I don’t feel bothered by what they say or do?
19. What IF I talk about difficulties without losing my cool?
20. What IF I don’t care if they know my troubles?
21. What IF I tell the truth when I talk?
22. What IF I don’t make myself nuts or nervous?
Now how do you feel? When you let go of the “What IF…” game, you untie yourself from the past and let yourself live in the present while simultaneously keeping your nose out of your own future business.
LETTING GO OF FRETTING
Yes, by letting go of fretting, or trying to control your future, you will be surprised at the gifts that the present gives you to unwrap. So stay relaxed, stay focused, don’t over-react, live in the moment, don’t regret the past and play a little bit in the present moment for a change of pace.
LETTING THE PAST BE PAST
Here is a spin on the “What IF…” game that I ask you to play around with in your mind during the next few days:
(+) WHAT IF I stop playing the “What IF…” game?
(+) What IF I can change?
(+) Do I perform up to my own level of competency?
(+) Do I relax more and worry less when I turn my worry shirt inside out?
(+) When I don’t treat the future as an “urgent emergency,” what happens to me?
(+) Do I feel more confident, centered and contented when I “worry not?”
(+) Will I be more connected to people, more open-minded and easy to talk to?
(+) What new places then will I/you/we go?
When you “let the past be past,” something unexpected and different happens. Likewise, letting the future be what it will be frees you up to move out of the boxes that at times feel like prison cells without doors.
WHAT, ME WORRY?
“Why not worry?” you ask yourself? Because worry steals your life energy by selling you on this lie: “If you can’t control certain situations and if you can’t control events or people-worrying is the way to go.” Worry not: The sun of positive skull talk will rent the fog and you will open, not close; flow, not block; clarify, not confuse; talk, not blame; facilitate, not inhibit; evoke, not provoke; and assert, not divert. When you move outside your worry box, growth and change are embraced for the improvement of all…beginning and ending with you.
Like a sign in the local business door window, either your communication with yourself (and others) is “open” for business or “closed.” Which will you be NOW?
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a psychologist and executive leadership coach and relationship communication coach from Dayton, Ohio, who is the author of TALK TO ME: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone.