I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE
Emotions rule your world when you allow them to. A war of words results, bombing your best relationships. But how do you switch your emotional attitude, when you’re reacting — instead of responding — to relationship hurts or stabs at your pride? By using the Talk to Me© system, that’s how.
IT’S ALL ABOUT THEM
If you’re silently angry, miffed, and stewing, then you are probably an Empathizer-type (E-type) communicator. If you let it be known, in no uncertain terms, that you’re not going to take it any more, then chances are you are an Instigator-type (I-type) communicator. E-types are too sensitive to others’ needs, while I-types are too sensitive about the self. You can adopt the strengths of your opposing communicator style, which then balances your personality and increases your options to talk like a champ…and to walk your talk in quiet confidence and serenity.
TIPS TO HELP YOU DETERMINE WHEN YOU OUGHT TO SHIFT EMOTIONAL GEARS
I-types know how to put the mind over emotions. E-types know when logic is limited to solve pesky problems. Neither style is better than the other, just marvelously different. Here’s how to know when you need to shift emotional gears:
1. EGO THE SIZE OF A BUILDING. Your pride is feeling wounded, and you want to set the record straight.
2. A LOOSE CANNON. You’re aware that the fuse for your mouth has been lit and is ready to explode.
3. PRIDEFUL ARROGANCE. The fact that your need to always be right, is wrong for your relationships.
4. A DISCONNECT. You aren’t connecting, with positive and accurate emotions, to the people who matter most to you.
5. IMPRESSION MANAGEMENT. You are trying too hard to impress others or rhetorically impress your viewpoints upon others’ minds.
6. MISSING TARGET. You lose focus of what you’re all about, like feeling unpressured or enjoying yourself without worry.
7. MESSING UP. You are frustrated because you know how you’re messing up the communication, but you just can’t seem to help yourself.
8. JUST TALK. You can’t just talk easily with your nemesis, and even little topics can ignite into a war of words.
9. HAPPY ON YOUR TERMS. You are wrapped around the axle of your antagonist, and you feel you must be happy on his or her terms only.
GAIN, DON’T STRAIN…JUST TALK
Does everything seem like really hard work, and you feel like you’re slogging through knee-deep mud? Then you will make matters worse by engaging in a war of words that threaten to end your relationship world…and you don’t want that. Remember, you will build a foundation of trust when you don’t say what you could say. Those few words would blow up the relationship bridge which you’re trying so hard to reinforce. “They had it coming!” doesn’t feel nearly as good as, “I deserve to feel in charge of my life, happy and contented, today.”
ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS O’GRADY, PSY.D.
The Talk to Me© system will help you gain, not strain. You will notice gains in personal energy, confidence, and a quiet certainty that you can switch from driving in emotional lanes that are defeating you and yours. You will move forward easily, instead of feeling stuck in a pit of tar. You will no longer feel like a robot, and you will be able to fly like a duck through foul weather. You will stay in the present instead of invoking past pain, and you will not repeat past painful patterns in the future. You will experience positive emotions, without falling into the trap of, “But when’s the other shoe going to drop?” You will feel thankful and happy on your terms, and you will let go of needing to control anyone or anything. In short, you will be in far better spirits as you drive down the two-way communicator highway.
Dennis E. O’Grady, Psy.D., is a corporate trainer, relationship coach, and banquet keynote speaker who lives and works in Dayton, Ohio, USA. His latest book, Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone, describes how to become the leader of your own life and how to become a better communicator in ways that benefit all those with whom you communicate, as well as yourself.