Deep peace to you my dear mother.
My mother, Elizabeth Merrill O’Grady, would be very happy to see your beautiful faces today in celebration of her life. Oh, how Mom valued celebrating life passages with respectful traditions shared with family and friends.
Some of you knew my mother as Betty…some of you knew my mom as Aunt Betty…or as Grandma O’Grady. I had the honor of knowing my mother as MY MOM for 55 years when the times were a-changing. You should know that my brother, and steadfast ally and friend, Al, of course has me beat in the “years knowing Mom” category. No, I’m not calling Al old, but whoever said sibling rivalry was dead was obviously an only child!
Expectantly, I here stand before you today…completely thankful…and feeling completely blessed for your friendship…and completely awe-filled at the genuine expressions of love and respect for my mother, Betty O’Grady. And so, I will not hide from your eyes or ears…the truth coming from my shattered heart. Although I may be the second born son of Betty Merrill O’Grady, I am my mother’s number one fan. You should know, of course, older brother Al feels the same way….
Now I do not hide from any of you this painful emotional truth. Since April 15th, 2007– when my mother changed neighborhoods — I’ve been absolutely broken-hearted…filled with grief…dreadful longing…bittersweet loneliness…BUT with absolute love unfailing for you, my dearest mother. For your life of loving, Mom, stood for so much that is purely and simply unforgettable to me. Like what being a decent human being means.
Simply put, there is a huge vacancy sign on the hotel of my heart….
But I am also VERY exhilarated today…glad not sad…expectant and faith-filled…celebratory and ready to ride across the waves of deep oceans filled with spectacular emotional mysteries. Today, we all get another chance to dance joyfully to the message of my mother’s life, and pass the love on….
The astonishing final two weeks of my mother’s life in Sarasota were inspiring and grace-filled. Together, Al and Ginny and I bravely kept talking to Mom as we watched her physically pull a disappearing act right before our very eyes…by growing slighter and weaker…between sunup and sundown…as the days slowly ticked by.
Mom was so brave. Just as she was the leader of her life, she was also in the driver’s seat of her own death and dying process. She comfortingly repeated to us: “I’m not in any pain. It’s all going to be all right. Death is gentle.” Mom talked as if she would live forever…and there was nothing whatsoever…for any of us…ever…ever again…to worry about.
Here are a few more of Mom’s words from her final days, whispered about the meaning of her life:
I can’t believe how lucky I am, and how lovely you are. I’m just so lucky. I was so lucky…lucky…lucky that God blessed me to have you in my life. I always tried to be good. I wanted to be kind and honest with people. I wanted to honor the people I met. I wanted to try to give the extra-loving measure. There’s enough criticism around…I just wanted to be kind and decent. I wanted to be honest and decent, not hateful and mean. I wanted to live a single purpose of love. I just wanted to be kind to everybody.
So hear me say again how proud and profoundly pleased I am to be authentically able to shout from the rafters: “My mother was a decent human being.”
Mom was civil. Mom was kind. Mom tried to treat others respectfully, day in and day out. Mom would do her best to talk and act nice when she was mad. Mom gave without expectation of return. She didn’t keep track of who did what for her. Mom didn’t stop talking to me when I messed up, or keep a guilt scorecard of my mistakes. (Of course, I had far fewer mess-ups than brother, Al.) True, Mom did not suffer fakes or fools gladly. But Mom didn’t condemn, either. She practiced what I heard preached in church without clucking about how she should get credit for being a good person.
Betty Merrill O’Grady…the highest tribute I can pay you…is to declare to all of us gathered here today…that you were (and are) a decent human being. Hardly average — quite remarkable. Remarkable in your ability to walk the talk of golden rules instead of following the rusty rule of revenge. You might have had plenty of reasons to be rude, crude, hateful, spiteful, and mean…but you, my dear mother, constantly chose not to. You were a decent human being.
So today I fulfill my late night promise made to you, my dearest Elizabeth, as I now say what you asked me to tell our gathering here today…
“Tell everyone, Denny, that death is gentle.
And tell them that life is gentle, too…
If we let it be.”
So I tell you now in complete confidence…do not feel sad for my mother, Elizabeth Merrill O’Grady. Oh, the places we go, eh, Mom? Mom, you’re probably talking non-stop to your older brother Bill…and your younger brother Tom…and your Mom and Dad…and dancing with your handsome Irish lover, Harold O’Grady….And, oh, yes, all those friends who went before you Mom, whose lives and life messages we’re all still graced by….
Mom, just so you know…I keep trying to be like a duck and fly through foul weather
Although I am broken-hearted
I am not a broken human being.
You see…I am a decent human being…because of you.
Thanks to you, my dearest friend, called Mother.
The Florida wind howled that night Mom passed over. Some spiritual traditions say the winds announce to the world that a much beloved soul—who has been able to live a life of love—is being heralded by the Heavens.
I know that to be so.
In conclusion, I warmly thank you…and love you…for celebrating the soul-full life message of the decent human being you knew as…Elizabeth Merrill O’Grady. Decent Betty.
Mom loves you…my brother Al loves you…my honored father loves you…and I love you, too. The O’Grady family clan, we four amigos, give thanks for you and your human decency.
Deep peace to you…
My beloved and gentle mother…
Elizabeth Merrill O’Grady.
DEEP PEACE
Deep peace
Of a running wave to you
Deep peace
Of the flowing air to you
Deep peace
Of the quiet earth to you
Deep peace
Of the shining stars to you
Deep peace
Of the gentle night to you
Moon and stars
Pour their healing light on you
Deep peace to you
(A Gaelic Blessing)
WHO IS DENNIS O’GRADY?
Dennis E. O’Grady, Psy.D., is the developer of the Talk To Me© system of effective communication. What do you communicate that your life stands for? This life tribute was presented at the July 14, 2007, memorial service for Betty Merrill O’Grady, by her proud son, Dr. Dennis O’Grady.