Good listening shines a light in dark places, to help you find your way and move forward during difficult times. You get better at being an effective listener by trying to listen carefully to everyone you meet. How the effective communication principles in my book, Talk to Me, shine the light of listening on any subject:
1. LOOK DEEPLY INTO THE EYES OF YOUR TALK PARTNER. Focus your concentration on the eyes of the speaker, providing a hallway to the heart and a gateway to the soul.
2. TAKE A DEEP BREATH. Breathe…go on, now…easy…just relax…all you’ve got to do is listen. Notice how you aren’t hearing half of what’s being said, because your mind is too busy speeding along thinking?
3. CALM DOWN. Slow down your thoughts by emptying your mind of the ever urgent “I’ve got to do…” list.
4. LISTEN UP. Do your best to listen equally to the words — content — of what’s being said and to the feelings — process — of what it would be like, walking in the shoes of the speaker.
5. WRESTLE THE BIGGEST ALLIGATORS FIRST. Stop yourself from driving in the problem-solving lane of, “I’ve got to help them figure this out fast!” You will know what to do, if anything, after you’ve really heard what alligators your friend is wrestling.
6. HEAR WITH YOUR OWN EARS. Filter not! We all run what people say through multiple filters of what’s right or wrong, good or bad, normal or weird. Try to listen open-mindedly without filters for a whopping big change of talk scenery.
7. FIGURE OUT WHAT’S FACT OR FICTION. Fear can put a smoke screen over the road ahead by clouding the facts of a matter. Summarize what’s really true for you, given what you’ve heard with your own ears.
LISTENING IS A GIFT THAT LIGHTS THE WAY AHEAD OF YOU
As you encounter the authentic self and genuinely feel empowered to solve all kinds of complex life puzzles, truly listening is an unselfish gift you can give another person. Today, give freely of the gift of your full, undivided attention to those you respect or care about.
ABOUT DAYTON COMMUNICATIONS EXPERT DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.
Dennis O’Grady is an effective communication keynote speaker and workshop leader who delivers corporate training which actually improves communication fast, from top to bottom. Dennis is the original developer of the powerful Talk to Me© effective communication system. You can experience the benefits of O’Grady’s communication system directly by interacting with the 2 communicator types (and switch within the 4 talk lanes when one is closed) in his book by the same title. Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along with Anyone is available by mail order at www.drogrady.com and Amazon.