DO YOU SUFFER FROM RELATIONSHIP ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER?
Let’s be honest here. Most of the time you don’t listen genuinely to who’s speaking. Perhaps you have concluded that you’ve got the person all figured out, and you know what he’s going to say before he says it. Or perhaps you’re just listening to those old tapes again from which you learned how to hear and listen…such taped negative beliefs as: “You can’t expect men/women to understand.” “I don’t have the time right now.” “People are just in it for themselves.” “I’m not a very good listener or communicator!” Why stay in the listening dark ages, rattling around in a cave in your own skull, feeling old and alone?
PRACTICE BEING A BETTER LISTENER TODAY
What can you do today to become a better listener? Admittedly you can’t get good at something when you’re not coached and when you don’t practice. What can you do about improving your listening skills and communication effectiveness? Well, stop playing your victim violin! What do I mean? Oh, that teeny-tiny victim violin that we all pull our bows across from time to time, the one that makes such loud and grating noises that it is SO difficult to hear what’s actually being said or implied.
Listen Impossible: Your goal, should you care to accept it, is to practice being a better listener today. First, ye shall listen up before ye speak out!
LEAVING PSYCHIC BODIES STREWN ALL AROUND
Wanna know how to turn people off fast? Become hostile by acting standoffish when someone shares the truth of her inner experience with you. It’s like throwing rocks at or keying the communicator car of a person you know and love. Other reasons to put cotton in your ears to block out any novel ideas that could change your mind and your life:
1. LAZINESS. I let my mind run all over the place.
2. PREOCCUPIED. My mind is filled with all kinds of worries, large and small.
3. STUCK IN A PAST RUT. I’m mulling over emotional relationship issues that I don’t feel satisfied about and over which I have no control.
4. WORRIED ABOUT THE FUTURE. Like Chicken Little, I’m brooding over what will happen IF…the bad things happen to good people.
5. TOO TIRED. I’m feeling sleep deprived or emotionally hung over from thinking too much the night before.
6. NOT EVER ENOUGH TIME TO GET IT ALL DONE. Running from pillar to post and wearing holes in my sneakers, I run myself down instead of pumping my mood up.
7. SALUTING FAMILY TRAINING. I consider it a waste of energy to really listen to anyone who doesn’t hold the same life view about money, race, communication, etc., that my family of origin carefully drilled into my dear little ears.
RELATIONSHIP ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER
You’ve got the time and talent to be an enlightened listener, don’t you? You have a surplus of energy because you don’t suffer from relationship attention deficit disorder. You’re equally into yourself and your relationships, because you don’t allow yourself to be run over by a Mac truck of feeling blue, anxious, or out of control for long.
LISTEN UP
We never run short of excuses for why we don’t listen, so don’t psyche yourself out by being negative about your communication skills. Just admit it — often you don’t listen very well because you don’t have the goal or focus to listen effectively when you talk to someone.
ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a Dayton region corporate trainer, keynote speaker, couples counselor, and relationship expert. Dennis is the developer of the innovative person- and results-driven Talk to Me© effective leadership and teamwork communication system. For 30 years, Dr. O’Grady has focused on improving effective communication, constructive team relationships, and change management. His latest book, Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along with Anyone, is available at drogrady.com or at Amazon.