YOUR ROADMAP FOR A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE
Do you have a “roadmap” for a successful relationship or marriage, framed and hanging on a wall in your home? Of course you do. You wouldn’t leave from home on a long trip without consulting a map or expert regarding your travel plans. As a marriage counselor, the first question I ask is: “What are you two planning to create together? What do you want your life to stand for?” I believe in using maps to get where you want to go on the two-way communicator highway. Without one, you might take a scenic ride that proves disappointing, regardless of the views.
OUR ROADMAP FOR A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE
What does a roadmap for a successful marriage look like in black and white, and could the roadmap be more interesting and easier to follow if some color were added? Today in a pre-marital counseling session using the Talk2Me system, I popped the question to a twenties-something couple motivated to achieve good communication. In fact, the woman was an Empathizer communicator (Intuiter) and the man was an Instigator (Inventor) communicator. Here are their “What we’ll create together…” answers:
1. Happiness—personal
2. Happiness—as a couple
3. Trust—goodwill
4. R-E-S-P-E-C-T
5. Honesty
6. Healthy body
7. Healthy mind
8. Healthy spirit
9. Fun—and spice
10. Stability—and security
11. Grow—together
12. Grow—from separate individual friendships
13. Communicate openly
WORDS, WITHOUT A PLENTITUDE OF POSITIVE ACTIONS, ARE CHEAP
Talk is cheap. The pillars of trust, honesty, respect, and happiness which form the framework for your union, must be backed up with daily positive actions of both talk partners. To act compassionately or lovingly when you are ill or you’ve had a bad day, is the epitome of good communication. And yes, each communicator type struggles with an Achilles’ heel, which the opposite type would do well to understand. Not complimenting enough, making unilateral financial decisions and discouraging independent friendships or activities are three bumps in the road that couples commonly encounter. A couple must grow apart, in new or continued friendships, if they are to grow together. Growth is crucial to keep a marriage viable and gratifying.
SHOULDN’T IT BE HARD WORK?
Well, where’s the map for your two-way communication highway journey of life spent together? On what wall in your home do you have your map proudly displayed? Is the map gradually taking on color? Without a map, how are you going to be able to steer around the detours, orange barrels, and bumps in the road without ending up in the ditch? Smart couples balance the big work of marriage with scenic side trips and excursions. The kid in every adult craves to get out every now and again, if just for a few hours. Taking for granted the person you’ve taken for your life-long mate, is akin to taking the same medications, day in and day out, without ever reassessing their effectiveness. Why take a chance on passing up something new that could provide real relief? Reassess your mate’s qualities on a daily basis, then let the compliments flow. You’ll find that such actions will function like a homing device in your car as you glide down the Communicator Highway, all the while adding brilliant splashes of color to the black and white map that grows old on the wall….
ABOUT DR. DENNIS O’GRADY, PSY.D.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a Dayton, Ohio, pre-marital counselor, marriage counselor, and relationship communication coach. He wrote the book on good communication called Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone, which is available at drogrady.com or amazon. Dennis also provides keynote speeches and corporate training on the utilization of effective communication tools.