The Expert Listener

If you are an Intuiter leader, you have the solutions at hand to fix the vexing problems that are facing your work group or family clan. Way to go! You are the Empathizer-type communicator who is welcome at my Communicator Table any old time. In fact, if I ask you for a solution to a problem that I’m facing, and you know and care for me, I will automatically attempt to put your suggestion into action in my business or personal life. Why? Because your small suggestions net huge rewards when implemented! That’s why I speak so highly of your leadership subtype in the Talk to Me© communication system.

WHAT IS THE INTUITER LEADERSHIP SUBTYPE?

There are two communicator types (Empathizer vs. Instigator) and four leadership subtypes that can be identified during an interview or testing process, using the New Insights Communication Inventory–Leadership Scale or NICI-LS. If you are an INTUITER, you bring these strengths to the corporate or family communication table:

1. RADAR

You naturally pick up the mood of your team or family members, and you know when things are off kilter. You also are able to see the “elephant in the room” and have sound methods to get the elephant out of the house. And you listen with “three ears”…totally, completely, giving your full attention to your communication partner.

2. SOUL OF CHANGE

To disrupt unhappiness and lack of results, you are able to comprehend what needs to change immediately. You are the heart and soul of service, wishing and striving for the good of everyone. You firmly believe people from all walks of life can get along a whole lot better if they try. You care so much that your heart can hurt, causing your gas tank to run low in your blue communicator car.

3. EMOTIONAL EXPERT

Because you are an emotional expert, you can easily walk in the shoes of others. You can also be an emotional sponge, or you can allow others to soak up your positive energy. For you, empathetic listening is key, and you have compassion for those who dig holes to throw themselves in, head first. Unlike many, you actually live your life.

4. INTUITS SOLUTIONS

You have the wonderful ability to feel in your “gut” what actions a team can take to move achievement up a full level. You comprehend the competing viewpoints of A vs. B, but you are swiftly able to create solution C. Because you put a smile on your face when you’d rather frown, you are able to steer around potholes on heavily traveled Talk Road. You know when procrastination rules and when real solutions aren’t being used. Your light burns dim around dishonest people who prefer psychodrama to real progress.

5. INTEGRITY

You are always so nice that, as an ethical leader, you may not always be effective. You walk the talk that honesty is a virtue, and that telling white lies is a vice. Since you are an ethical leader whose halo sometimes gets in the way, you struggle to be like a bull in a china shop, pushing ahead hard for the delivery of effective results. Sometimes you’re so nice people think you walk on water, when you’re actually drowning in an emotional cesspool. You are tremendously trustworthy, and you can be loyal to a fault.

6. A HEALING HEART

Yes, you’ve had your heart broken now and then. That’s why you intensely dislike people hurting, being left behind, or left out. You realize that out of the ashes of grief comes new growth. True, you sometimes ride yourself too hard by using a whip of criticism, but you intuitively understand “Why it’s darkest just before the dawn.” And your biggest preference is to get along with others. In your humble opinion, repeating avoidable conflicts is a huge waste of time, talent and energy.

7. ENERGY PRODUCER

You are a very powerful person. You light up this dreary world with your bright energy. However, sometimes you forget that you’re in the driver’s seat of living your own life. Why do you feel downright glum? Energy vampire “negatalkers,” who blame others for their own faults, can too easily siphon off your energy. You can learn how to pull out the straw which is stuck in your skull, sucking out your last drop of energy. In general, you strive to serve by injecting energy and productivity into the world around you, instead of arrogantly messing up what has already been achieved.

8. ACT STUPID WHEN STRESSED

You aren’t a saint, although some people who know you think you are! You will switch talk lanes when stressed out, just like we all do. In fact, when the fog of negative emotions makes driving conditions difficult, you are prone to switching talk lanes from feeling bad to doing something stupidly self-defeating. The big picture: You are the backbone and spirit of the reality family and the dream team.

9. SKEPTICAL OF SELF-IMPORTANCE

It just takes one! You are the one…you are the power…the power is in you! You live the golden rule of talk, namely, “I’m trying to make things better for people, because I dislike watching people making the same mistakes over and over again.” You’re right on the communication dime. For example, if we’re not going to listen openly to what each other is saying, then why talk on and on? Additionally, you automatically “check in” to see how happy people are. You easily program in new communication habits by not taking things so personally. It doesn’t take two; it just takes one–you. Why won’t you believe it?

10. EXPERT LISTENER

You don’t blow your own horn much. When you are discouraged, the light of your life energy dims like a string of bright lights on a festive Christmas tree when the plug is pulled. You are able to really “hear” what others are saying in their words, tones, or gestures. You are also able to “hear” what is implied or denied in a conversation. You do know where people are coming from. You listen intently as you give others the strength of a caring pair of ears, without expecting anything in return.

11. IT’S NOTHING PERSONAL, HARRY

In movies by the same name, Harry Potter is an Intuiter leader. Remember his intuitive leaps of faith, and how he knew, before anyone else, there were problems which had to be solved? And remember how his energy was drained by the dark forces of disbelief? Remember how, with a little help from his friends, he was able to make smart communication moves? As you travel along the two-way communication highway, magic will befall you, if only you stay focused on your goal map, which is there to guide you to your destination as well as to remind you why you are on this particular journey. Seemingly by magic, big results– results which will last — will emerge from the little steps you take as you travel along the two-way communication highway.

12. BY THE NUMBERS

To date, I’ve personally coached over 245 Intuiter leaders, of whom 32.6% are women and 19.6% are men. Overall, 52.1% of my sample of 470 subjects were Empathizer communicators, which means at least half of the people you shake hands with today are E-types! Whew. We’ve traveled a long way to get where we are today!

An Intuiter leader usually demonstrates interpersonal excellence by using negative emotions in positive ways, emphasizing and providing the energy to jump-start needed changes, changes that are in the best interests of all.

NEW VIEWPOINT “C”…DO YOU NEED A CHANGE TODAY?

Is a change needed in your team or family? Then consult the E-types sitting around your communicator table, because E-types get an “A” on the Change report card.

In fact, Intuiter leaders (Empathizer-type introverts or ETI’s) have the uncanny ability to understand viewpoint A…while being able to understand a polarizing or opposite viewpoint, B…while simultaneously “seeing the light of change,” correctly intuiting new viewpoint, C.

Teamed up with I-types who are comfortable leading the way, the full-steam-ahead team is unstoppable, when the advice of E-types is implemented.

INTUITERS TALKING

Of course, Intuiters have their breaking points, too. A 20-something Intuiter leader recently told me:

Why do people have earplugs in their ears? I’d like to say “You’re not listening to what’s coming out of my mouth! You just want to jump in with your ideas!” In the past, when someone would start talking, I would stop talking. Why ask me a question if you’re not interested in the answer? Now I make sure I assertively express my thoughts. I will talk over, interrupt, and redirect the flow of conversation, in a respectful manner, to get my point across. I guess that’s what you mean when you encourage us to adopt the strengths of your opposite communicator type!

Intuiters struggle with saying: “Listen to ME….Listen UP team!” But assertively pushing for positive change is a good thing. The results-driven Talk to Me© system heals the Achilles heel of insensitivity, of not listening. Unfairly critiquing one’s self drains the fuel tank and stalls him or her out.

WHY LIFE’S NOT ALWAYS GOOD FOR INTUITER LEADERS

“The Expert Listener” is a great description of all Intuiter leaders. However, a few downsides of being an Intuiter leader do exist. The Intuiter leader:

  • Experiences unfair self-critiques that drain the fuel tank
  • Stalls out from procrastination
  • Loses focus when upset
  • Is prone to “extremism” or over-reacting
  • Says “yes” when “no” is the right answer
  • Is shy and wonders how to talk to people
  • Pulls back when there’s a conflict
  • Is prone to feeling hurt from corrective feedback
  • Finds that his energy drains when he feels down
  • Discovers that it is hard to be like a duck and let water roll off her back
  • Has a high need for affection, affirmation, expressions of appreciation
  • Feels like the workhorse, or feels unequally yoked

THE EXPERT LISTENER

You, too, can actively listen to diverging viewpoints without getting trapped in either side of an unproductive debate or power play. You are able to correctly intuit and follow the “moderate” path which will prove to be the best solution for everyone involved. Take great heart in your talents, my dear Empathizer-type communicators! No matter what, keep speaking up, because you, your ideas, and your actions are what light up this world!

WHO IS COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.?

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a Dayton region relationship coach, corporate trainer, and keynote speaker. Dennis is the developer of the innovative person- and results-driven Talk to Me© effective leadership and teamwork communication system, which is also a marital and relationship enhancement approach. For 30 years, Dr. O’Grady has focused on the areas of effective communication, constructive team relationships, and change management. Call today to consult with O’Grady, or preview a copy of TTM at www.drogrady.com or at Amazon.

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