DO YOU DRESS YOURSELF UP OR DOWN?
Every day at New Insights Communication I hear about how clients dress themselves down for being less than they think they are able to be. Although self-derision is energy-draining and virtually useless in promoting needed change, many of us seem to be addicted to using negative self-talk to give ourselves a tongue-lashing. These bad communicators are good at dissing and unmotivating themselves. “I should be a better communicator….” or “I stack the deck against myself by not feeling confident….” are examples of how they think negative thoughts which could precipitate their downfall, if they are allowed to continue. But, hey, no worries…you have a high level of intellectual power — but you’re misusing your talents.
A LETTER TO ONE COMMUNICATIONS CLIENT WITH A DEGREE FROM PU
I use e-mail correspondence to promote change in my communications clients. Jared, the recipient of the following email, spent two sessions telling me how motivated he was to drive himself into the ground. The result? He didn’t stay focused on his goals, and he didn’t attend his college classes. Neither did he talk positively to himself, filling his mind instead with the gloomiest possible views of every situation. As an Empathizer communicator, he made things much worse in his head than they actually were. Consequently, he had no inspiration to accomplish much of anything. With Jared’s permission, I decided to send him a little healthy sarcasm in an e-mail, making a point about the importance of talking positively to himself.
Dear Jared,
I know you’re striving to be a positive person and communicator. Remember our discussions related to pessimism vs. realism vs. optimism? I would really like for you to send me a copy of your doctoral diploma…the one that reads Doctor of Self-Defeatism. I believe you told me that you obtained your degree from Pessimism University…PU.
As I recall, you also told me that your doctoral dissertation was entitled DISMOTIVATION: How to dig a hole and throw yourself in it then hit yourself in the head with the very shovel that you used to dig the black pit AND make yourself feel bad for a very long time by digging your hole deeper and crying all the time. I believe you when you said that you obtained a VERY good grade on your dissertation….
If you would, please send me a copy of your dissertation and PU diploma at your earliest convenience. Oh, I’m just joking here! You know what I mean?
Respectfully yours,
Dennis O’Grady, Psy.D.
Professor of The Psychology of Self-Defeatism
Pessimism University…PU
HOW DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF TO REDUCE VS. PRODUCE ANXIETY?
The Talk to Me system is designed to improve your energy and motivation, and give you the stamina to achieve your goals, by talking sensibly to yourself instead of wallowing in the mud of self-imposed self-pity. You are the perfect talk road warrior! Get that junk in your trunk out of your head. Use the spiritual tools neatly tucked away in your glove box. Use your communicator map to get to where you need and want to go. Otherwise, you are going to be an energy drag to be around.
ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a Dayton region communications psychologist, relationship coach, corporate trainer, and keynote speaker. His areas of focus are change management, constructive team relationships, and effective communication. Dennis is the developer of the powerful new Talk to Me© effective listening and leadership communication training system. Copies of his book are available at www.drogrady.com and at Amazon. Get your roadmap to communication success today by calling and personally consulting with Dennis O’Grady, Psy.D.