IMPROVING YOUR COMMUNICATION SKILLS AT HOME
Do you have communication deficiencies? Many of the executives and extraordinary people I coach are proud and successful, yet imperfect men and women. Common to all, though, is the self-perception: “I definitely have some communication deficiencies. I don’t like to put my feelings on the table. I wouldn’t be here unless I thought this has reached crisis proportions.” Do your peers or partner see you as holding things too close to the vest? Do you agree that improving communication makes for doing better business or helps with nurturing relationships? It all goes back to that poker skill of keeping your cards hidden, doesn’t it?
COMMON COMMUNICATION DEFICIENCIES WHEN PLAYING THE COMMUNICATION POKER GAME
You may not be as bad or good at communication as you think you are. But I’m sure glad that you’re paying attention to what makes your communicator car engine purr smoothly, or knock loudly, as you push down on the gas pedal. Symptoms of communication deficiencies, played out like a poker game, while you’re seated at the virtual communicator table:
- You act like you can take criticism well, but you don’t
- You hate to lose or feel inferior
- You don’t ever wear your feelings on your sleeve
- You have to hide inferiority feelings
- You bluff well
- You experience failure as disappointing others
- You make calculated communication moves
- You hide information or distribute it strategically
- You are decidedly smart and shrewd
- You disarm others with, “I’m just feebleminded on this subject ….”
- You don’t often ask for help
- You try to manage everything on your own
- You view seeking coaching or receiving help as a sign of personal weakness
- You use the defense mechanism of deflecting
- You use a poker face, refusing to expose yourself
In sum, the universal key communication proficiency is knowing that to every communication problem, there is a communication solution, if you’re willing to use it instead of lose relationship trust and goodwill.
BETTERING YOUR COMMUNICATION SKILLS
In my world, you are a better communicator than you think you are. True, in research polls drivers rank their skills in the upper 20% of all drivers. Now, we all can’t be so masterful! All of us need to have the courage to accept help from neutral specialists who can coach us to help us achieve our personal goals. Some ways to think positively about improving communication skills:
1. I don’t have to manage this all alone. We all need help now and then to stay in the driver’s seat of our lives.
2. I must stop rationalizing that, “It’s not my fault!” You don’t fail to communicate, but you may be failing to get across your intended message.
3. This isn’t just one thing. The problem is a hub of the Opportunity Wheel and is rapidly traveling down all the spokes.
4. I shouldn’t have to try so hard to keep the elements of my life so compartmentalized. You aren’t a big loser, and the messes you find yourself in can be cleaned up.
5. I don’t have to fear feeling inferior. The only real failure is to neglect to change what isn’t working for you or for those you care about and respect.
6. I need to stop pressuring myself about the sin of disappointing others. If an expert pole vaulter can do a 10 foot jump, then why do you require yourself to clear 12 feet and feel like a loser when you don’t?
7. I need to trust the corrective feedback I’m hearing, even though I dislike it. The point of constructive feedback is to correct negative communication patterns and behaviors.
8. I don’t have to strike out. When you’ve struck out three times in one game, with people you work with or love, sign up for communication coaching meetings immediately!
9. I can correct any flaw of miscommunication. You can be a proficient communicator simply by using the communication map you develop as you study the Talk to Me© effective communication system.
ARE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS RUNNING OUT OF GAS?
Are your relationships running out of gas because you’re not choosing communication changes that will benefit everyone? The Talk to Me© effective communication system can change all that! Why allow communication deficiencies to cause you to drive into a ditch or get into angry shouting matches with your fellow drivers? You only have control over your own changes….Make them count for more today!
ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST, DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.
Dennis O’Grady walks, talks, and works on both sides of Talk Street, using the same innovative and results-driven communication system he developed, the TALK TO ME© effective communication system, and “street smart” Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone. Are you licensed to drive on the two-way communicator highway? Are you sending out positive messages and achieving effective relationship results from your virtual communicator table? Those communication strategies which are successful at work may not work as well at home, unless you live with your co-workers! You deserve to be a proficient communicator, and your talk partners deserve clear and concise communications from you. Consult this week with communications psychologist, Dennis O’Grady, by calling (937) 428-0724. Dr. O’Grady’s complete playbook of good talk, is called Talk to Me©, and is available at Amazon and through www.drogrady.com