IF THE SHOE FITS
Can you walk in the talk shoes of an Instigator (I-type) communicator who is known to have thick skin? What if you’re a thin-skinned, Empathizer (E-type) communicator? How are you supposed to keep your feelings in check around The Logical One?
Now, if you are an E-type, chances are you’ve inadvertently run headlong into a talk collision — or three — with an Instigator communicator at some point. It’s not your fault! As an Empathizer, you probably have concluded that I-types are “high task (vs. touch) and coldly logical.” But that’s not enough information to map out your next communication move on the congested and fast-moving two-way communicator highway. So, what are you supposed to do when you’re traveling with an insensitive communicator passenger or driver?
CHANGING THE FLAT TIRE OF BAD COMMUNICATION, INSTIGATOR STYLE
Here then are a few key summary points about how Instigator-type communicators (p. 148-149, Talk to Me) drive and operate quite differently from E-types, on the two-way communicator highway…in the lanes of Beliefs and Behaviors.
Instigator-type communicators:
- Are intimidated by the E-types’ relationship skills
- Value protecting loved ones, country, company
- By nature, are big thinkers who don’t mind disagreeing
- Dislike hurting others but are too insensitive to the others’ feelings
- Will push their points of view, and push back effectively
- Enjoy talking confidently and persuasively
- Act like they don’t fear corrective criticisms
- Give themselves huge challenges on regular basis
- Have the attitude of, “It’s only business, it’s nothing personal!” to keep resentment in check
- Are fired up by unfair criticism as in, “Well, I’ll show you….”
- See compliments as unnecessary, perhaps insincere, and demotivational
- Drive the mood of the office or household, for better or worse
- Are comfortable being in the middle of the action but can feel weary
- Are progress- and change-centered, and they tend to be a smart workers
- Are achievement-centered throughout life
- Are impatient if results don’t come quickly enough for them
- Find that, when their energy is down, driving performance speeds up
- Are bored by soft voices, drooping postures or facial signs of disinterest
- Will stick to repeating logical points when emotions run high
- Prone to excessive self-esteem but can feel insecure
- When distressed, can’t bite their tongues and will say something stupid
- Will be stubborn like a mule when they should sit back and listen up
- Are doers to a fault and have trouble being in a relaxing pose
- Use a this-is-now approach: “Since I apologized for my mistake, let’s move on and get on down the road!”
- Can’t see how only talking about the “elephant in the room” helps clean up the piles of dung or mess left
- Are cool under pressure…putting out fires…but they may stir the pot
- Rely on the mind and intellectual powers as prime driving forces
A NATURAL BORN LEADER
If you are an I-type, then you are a natural-born leader, willing and able to take charge any time. You understand that your words say as much as your actions do.
JUST TALK: BUILDING TRUST THROUGH POSITIVE AND EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION
Are you able to walk in the shoes of your opposite communicator type? Please don’t tell me you can’t explain at least three of the crucial differences between Empathizer-type (E-type) and Instigator-type (I-type) communicators by NOW. The benefit to you of knowing these differences — or how opposite talk types attract and repel — is far greater communicator effectiveness and fewer misunderstandings. Just you check it out for yourself and see!
ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS O’GRADY
Dennis E. O’Grady, Psy.D., provides workshops and coaching on Effective Leadership Communication using the results-driven Talk to Me© innovative communication system. Dennis is also a relationship communications psychologist and corporate trainer from Dayton, Ohio. Dennis’s 2005 Dayton Leadership Study tested a sample group of 32 “proven, effective, and ethical leaders” who are responsible for running companies which account for over half of the jobs in the Dayton region. Dr. O’Grady’s findings are in his latest book, Talk To Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, which aims to better communication across all levels. Consult with Dr. O’Grady by calling (937) 428-0724.