COMMUNICATION CHALLENGES IN A FAMILY BUSINESS
“Who do you think you’re talking to?” is the million dollar question when you’re borrowing benefits from the Talk to Me© communication system. In communication coaching meetings with me, I include: how to typecast — how to determine your and your talk partner’s communication types; the core talking points that make E- and I-types different to talk with; and how to enjoy talking with Instigator — or Empathizer — communicators. How do I communicate on the level of my talk partner (my opposite talk type)? It’s not so difficult to do!
HOW DO I BRING UP AN UNCOMFORTABLE TOPIC?
Today’s Million Dollar Talk Question:
My daughter works as my employee in the financial business. I am an Empathizer communicator, as is Eve. How do I get the conversation going? How do I talk with my daughter about her job performance and work preferences? Eve doesn’t say much to me about anything that’s bothering her, but both of us would agree that she doesn’t have enough to do. When I give her something to do, she’s O.K. with it, but there’s not enough to keep her busy. I have streamlined my business systems to hum along on their own. How do I talk to Eve about how or why things aren’t working out with her? How do you talk clearly and directly with an E-type when things aren’t going well?
DO YOU KEEP IN MIND WITH WHICH TYPE OF COMMUNICATOR YOU’RE DEALING?
Empathizer-type communicators, or E-types:
-like to be busy
-like structure, goals, and accomplishing important tasks
-like being contributors and workhorses
-energy dims like lights on a dimmer switch on a Christmas tree
-stuff their frustrations inside and don’t talk about them
-appreciate encouragement to talk about tough issues
-want to please others and get along with everyone
-avoid conflict at all costs
-are goal-driven and must work from a sense of passion
-don’t want to let a parent or boss down
-may lack confidence when looking for another job
-might not let go and move on when they fear peer, parental or societal disapproval
GIVING CLEAR AND DIRECT (CORRECTIVE) FEEDBACK
Dear Boss:
Given her talk type, the current job situation is not a good fit for her. Perhaps Eve has some good ideas for changing the situation if she doesn’t feel like you’re being let down. Realities of impending changes looming in the distance can hurt. Eve is going to feel terrible, because she doesn’t feel wanted, she’s letting Dad down, and it’s not a productive place for her to work. But working in an environment where passion and interest is lacking will depress E-types of any gender. In fact, the sensitizer may not show up for work or not put her whole heart into projects. She may fail to investigate her outside options.
It’s time to briefly talk with Eve. Do not come to any foregoing conclusions. Come to the communicator table and talk as two caring people who don’t want to hurt each other. Then talk about the tough issues in a compassionate way. Talk about options and clarify any confusion or conflicting ideas, if the level of unhappiness is as high as we think.
Let me know how things turn out.
Best….
SUMMARY OF FOCUS ON GIVING CLEAR AND DIRECT (CORRECTIVE) FEEDBACK SESSIONS
1. Practice typecasting.
2. Think through what you need to say.
3. Prepare your initial comments in a script.
4. First, put the purpose of the meeting on the communicator table.
5. Follow the FEEDBACK FUNCTION process.
6. Check after there’s been time to digest the meat of the meeting, to ensure there were no miscommunications.
ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a corporate trainer, relationship communications coach, and motivational keynote speaker. Dennis has focused on improving effective communication among everyone, including in-love couples, at-work teams, corporate leaders, and their families for over 30 years. Dennis is the innovative pioneer of the results-driven Talk to Me© positive and effective communication system. This textbook on positive communication, Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along with Anyone, is available at Amazon or at drogrady.com.